Mom's new beau…don't care for him at all…how do I handle this?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your mum is acting like a child imo. her way or the highway. Sorry but I’d be taking the highway. You said she’s had dummy spits before and comes around, well she obviously will again. If she’s selfish enough that as you said – having him there would make you miserable – and she can’t understand that….well…let it be her loss. Enjoy your day with those you do want there and without those you don’t.

sorry if I’m being harsh but I’ve given up taking crap from anyone.

Post # 4
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MontfordsGirl:  I’m sorry to say it sounds like your mother is so stubborn, that the only alternatives are both of them, or neither of them.

I’m usually of the opinion that unless a partner is really bad (like a child abuser, or someone liable to disrupt the wedding) that you invite them and tolerate them. And also if they are that bad, then you’d rather your friend/relative stayed away than bring their partner.

I’m really sorry about your dad, but let me reassure you that if this guy attends he will not take your father’s place. He will simply be your mother’s partner. My siblings have had stepparents at weddings (though due to divorce, not being widowed) and they have always been in the background.

To sum up: If I was in your shoes, I’d let your mother bring him.

Post # 5
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am sorry for your loss. My Dad died a few years ago.

By the time your wedding arrives, your father wil have been dead for two years. How long do you need your Mom to stay on her own? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years?

Think how you would (or maybe did) react if your mother told you she didn’t like your FI and didn’t want him in her home.

We just don’t get to pick and choose partners for our family or friends.

Unless he abuses your Mom or for any other reason is someone who should not be out in public, I suggest you back off and, in fact support your mother in moving on with her life.

You don’t have to include him in family pics, although it might be a nice gesture to ask your Mom if she would like a professional pic of the two of them.

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