Post # 1
OK…here it goes. Sorry if it’s long.
My Mom isn’t like most others. If she gets mad, she will not talk to me until she feels vendicated for whatever she thinks is wrong…she once went almost 2 years without speaking to me. No matter how many times I called and begged. She just wouldn’t.
That being said, she has invited her new boyfriend to our wedding, without our permission. She told me about it and I didn’t say anything. I don’t like this man and neither does my FH. Since November of last year, we have only seen the man twice. He is a real piece of work and really doesn’t spend much time with my mom at all. His daughter recently married and he asked mom not to attend the wedding since he didn’t want to explain her to all his family. His wife died almost a year and a half ago and my Pop died in November 2011.
If I can’t have my Pop (dad) there, I don’t want anyone…this has been mentioned numerous times to my mom…and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. My FH and I wanted our mothers to sit together. They get along beautifully and with both our fathers being gone (his in 2002), we thought it appropriate.
This boyfriend is not my cup of tea and while I have tried to be supportive, I don’t know what to do…why should he get such a place of honor? One that would be my Pop’s…who loved me and cared for me all my life. This person hasn’t so much as sent me an email…I don’t want him in my Pop’s shadow, one he obviously can’t fill.
I am hoping that they won’t be together by the time November comes around and I hate myself for thinking that way, but what else can I do? If I tell my mom, she will get mad and not come to the wedding at all. She has done things like that before, I know her too well. We are pretty much a very small family and I am the only child she is even speaking to right now (another long story) but I can’t discuss this with her. Not at the risk of losing her…but at the same time, this guy being there will make me miserable.
Post # 3
Your mum is acting like a child imo. her way or the highway. Sorry but I’d be taking the highway. You said she’s had dummy spits before and comes around, well she obviously will again. If she’s selfish enough that as you said – having him there would make you miserable – and she can’t understand that….well…let it be her loss. Enjoy your day with those you do want there and without those you don’t.
sorry if I’m being harsh but I’ve given up taking crap from anyone.
Post # 4
@MontfordsGirl: I’m sorry to say it sounds like your mother is so stubborn, that the only alternatives are both of them, or neither of them.
I’m usually of the opinion that unless a partner is really bad (like a child abuser, or someone liable to disrupt the wedding) that you invite them and tolerate them. And also if they are that bad, then you’d rather your friend/relative stayed away than bring their partner.
I’m really sorry about your dad, but let me reassure you that if this guy attends he will not take your father’s place. He will simply be your mother’s partner. My siblings have had stepparents at weddings (though due to divorce, not being widowed) and they have always been in the background.
To sum up: If I was in your shoes, I’d let your mother bring him.
Post # 5
I am sorry for your loss. My Dad died a few years ago.
By the time your wedding arrives, your father wil have been dead for two years. How long do you need your Mom to stay on her own? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years?
Think how you would (or maybe did) react if your mother told you she didn’t like your FI and didn’t want him in her home.
We just don’t get to pick and choose partners for our family or friends.
Unless he abuses your Mom or for any other reason is someone who should not be out in public, I suggest you back off and, in fact support your mother in moving on with her life.
You don’t have to include him in family pics, although it might be a nice gesture to ask your Mom if she would like a professional pic of the two of them.
Post # 6
@paula1248: Thanks, that is pretty much my thought. I have planned to ask my photog to keep him out of pics as much as possible. He won’t be around in the long run and I don’t wanna have him in pics later…I know that no one can take the place of Pop. I have mentioned to mom that there will be a tribute to the dads at the reception and she didn’t object…I think she knows better. LOL