Post # 1
My mom hasn’t been saying anything negative to me about the wedding. But I’ve just found out that she’s been telling my sister/MOH some things about the wedding like she’s unhappy with the place we’ve chosen for the reception because she liked the other one better. And that she doesn’t understand why I can’t make a decision on my own without asking my fiance about it.
My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves without help from either set of parents so I don’t think that it should matter if my mom liked one place over the other. And I don’t want to be all bridezilla and say, “It’s my day and I’ll have whatever I want.” It’s his wedding too, and I think it’s only fair if he has some input into what goes on. I’m not completely dismissing my mom’s opinions, I’m just taking them under consideration with my fiance.
And it’s also making me mad that she isn’t telling me any of this…that she’s going and complaining to my sister about everything, which isn’t fair to her either. I don’t know if I should talk to her and ask about the stuff that she said or what. I don’t want to turn this into a big deal, but I’d kinda like to diffuse it before it escalates.
Post # 3
Awe that sucks – I am sorry you are dealing with this!
I would mention something in passing without dealing with it directly!
For example: I love that FI is so involved in the planning – I really like that he wants to be involved as a lot of groom’s are not involved at all and I really feel like our wedding will represent US as a couple because we are doing it all together!
That way you can try and nip it in the butt (hopefully) without confrontation!
Post # 4
I’m amazed that your mom would think you WOULDN’T want to check with your finace about wedding related decisions. It’s so frustrating when people put their 2 cents in all the time. Advice is good, but when they think you’re makig bad decisions and try to get you to do things their way, it’s wrong.
I def think you should confront her about it. Even when things are out in the open, it makes it better. Maybe you can ask her to come to you with her concerns, and politely say this is about you and FI, not anyone esle. It’s perfectly fine to say “it’s my day (shut up!)”
Post # 5
I ditto Future Mrs. Martin‘s comment…mention in passing that you love that he’s so openly communicative & how well that bodes for your marriage!
Post # 6
Im sorry! Maybe your mom is talking to your sister because she wants to express what she is feeling but feels like if she talks to you she might hurt your feelings? Since she said she wishes you wouldve picked the other venue, maybe she just wants what she thinks is best for you and wants you to have your perfect wedding? Id talk to her about it and let her know hwo you are feeling.
Post # 7
sorry you’re going through that – if you are going to confront your mom, definitely think about how much you are willing to budge when she does tell you her opinions. My mom just tells me straight out when she doesn’t like something about our planning…which is often. She loved the venue, fortunately, but was not happy with decisions like no champagne toast, no veil etc. Sometimes I’d rather she not tell me about it!
Post # 8
I’m not sure if I’m missing something. You didn’t give a ton of detail as to how exactly your mom expressed this to your sister. I might be the only one who thinks this, but from what you’ve posted, I think you might be overreacting. First, this is your mom talking to your sister. (It’s not a random friend talking to one of your BMs.) If your mom didn’t like the venue, it seems kind of natural she felt like she could confide in your sister.
Also, perhaps this was her way of trying to stay out of it. Based on what you said, it sounds like you wanted her to talk to you directly. Yet you said because she’s not putting money into it, she shouldn’t have a say in your decision. So maybe she sensed that from you and didn’t tell you. So many brides complain when people tell them they don’t like their plans. This time it’s because she didn’t. IDK. I think she was trying to vent a little. And this was her way of trying not to give you a hard time.
Now I don’t understand why she thought you should be making decisions without your FI. You could ask her if you misunderstood or if there is something else she’s really feeling that she isn’t saying. But honestly, I think if this is a big deal, I’d recommend your sister, go back and tell your mom, that if she really wants to say something to you, that she should talk to you. And wait to see if she does.
Post # 9
I never thought that maybe she was just trying to vent or something. My mom has been known to say stuff about me to my sister and vice versa (be it wedding or not). My sister and I, however, are extremely close, and we talk all the time. So I just figured that she told my sister because she knew I’d hear it eventually.
And I really dont’ know why she’s so surprised that I’d want to ask my fiance about stuff for the wedding. I would really like to talk to her about that. Because I really do like most of her suggestions, I’d just like to see if my fiance does too!
Thanks for the advice, and Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
Post # 10
I have the EXACT same thing! My FI is very involved – but we’re like that is all aspects of our life! My mother doesn’t understand because she believes certain things are the “woman’s” domain – all things domestic, all things wedding (how DARE he not like my original color scheme?!” all things related to family interactions/planning. It’s caused a few fights with my mother over the past 2 years or so, because she still is not catching the drift that he’s a grown man (34 – with a 10-year-old child!) and that I’m older than she was when she was pregnant with me!
No advice…just venting along with you 🙂