Post # 1
I haven’t been diagnosed with PPD, but I have a son about a year and a half old and I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Close enough?
Anyway, I’m really struggling lately. I’m in therapy and have seen a new psychiatrist to change my medications (after bouncing around from med to med with my primary care dr and a different psychiatrist.) I feel so overwhelmed with work and just life, and the only thing that helps to keep me sane is running. So I end up taking a good chunk of time I feel like I should be spending with DS to run. And many days, while I miss him terribly and want to be with him, I just want to get away too. I feel like such an awful mom. It doesn’t help that DH is anxious to begin with and tends to question things I do, and I also get a lot of comments from my in-laws who we see a lot. Since I’ve been changing meds, DS has been leaving with DH on Thursday nights and my FIL watches him on Fridays.
I have been feeling so depressed lately and today has been especially rough. There is this never ending battle in my head. On the one hand I know I am a good mom and I want to be there for DS. But on the other hand I feel like an awful mom and that DS would be better off without me. The comments from my inlaws and their pushy-ness with some parenting stuff just makes me want to give up/give in and let them do whatever they want. Like moving him to a big boy bed because my FIL thinks he is too big for the pack in play he sleeps in at their house, or what to feed him, or getting rid of the pacifier.
I am just so tired of it all. Everything feels like a never ending struggle and nothing ever seems to get better. DH and I are fighting and more distant than we ever have been. I feel so guilty and feel like such an awful mom. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Post # 3
Look you have to be able to take care of yourself before you can be of any good to your family and they have to understand that. It’s not like you are going off to expensive spa’s and wasting time getting drunk with lady friends. You are running. You are getting clean air and working out to release stress…and being a mother is stressful.
If your IL’s are getting to you then you need to see about distancing yourself from them or making it clear that you are having concerns that you need to deal with and while they may not understand it, they need to support you and not hinder you. Some parents get so overworked and stressed or don’t take care of their depressions that they end up hurting themselves or worse, their child. The fact that you notice you need help and are doing what you can to alleviate some of the stress makes you a great mom. Perhaps you can get a stroller for him so you can jog with him?
Post # 4
@Peach_Cobbler: Thanks for the reply. It’s sucks to feel guilty for something that is making me healthy and keeping me sane. In good weather I do run with my son. I actually like running with the jogging stroller. But DH gets really uptight about DS being warm enough/covered enough in the colder weather. I have a weather shield, so I think I just need to tell him to get over it. Though during the week I only have time when it’s dark out, or sneaking in a few miles after I drop DS off at daycare and before I get to work, so it’s not really reasonable to take him during the week.
It is so hard to get over the mom guilt. My parents (who are supportive), my therapist and my primary care doctor all keep reminding me that I am a good mom. I know, or at least try to believe, that it is true, but a lot of the time it’s hard to push the guilt and self-doubt away.
And I also know that I need to work harder to get some space from my in-laws. It doesn’t seem as simple as just not going to their house. My SIL is expecting in January, the holidays are coming, and DH works for his family Fri-Mon, so if DS and I arent’ there he doesn’t see us those days. So I convince myself that I have to be there, and end up just being miserable, anxious, angry, and trying to find time to leave the house, but without spending too much money since DH lost his job and we have no extra money right now.
Post # 5
It sounds like your DH isn’t working with you to help you feel better. When your DH works at his family’s house does he not come home at night? If he works over there then comes home at night then he’s just like any other person with a job, you forcing yourself to go over there to be subjected to their unwanted advice an condemnation will make things worse for all involved. It adds stress to you and they will continue to think there’s no problem, and if you speak up they may try to blame you for being too ‘sensative’.
I know people can tell you you’re a good mom all they want but you need to think of yourself as such first. The very fact that you don’t just throw up your hands and give up and leave your child to the in-laws, the very fact that you do what you can to relieve the stress in a good way like running as opposed to drinking, and the fact that you are fighting tooth and nail against your depression to be there for your child, makes you a good mom. You’re going to fall from time to time but as long as you keep picking yourself back up, you won’t be a failure.
Post # 6
Did you recently wean? It is apparently common to get depressed when you wean (I imagine from either bf or bottle feeding since either results in reduced contact). I included a post from a blog I read. Maybe it applies to you, maybe not, but your son seems to be the same age as her experience.
Hope this helps!
Post # 7
My dear, how could you think you are a bad mother? Just reading this post makes it clear to me, and to anyone with half a brain, that you have your priorities in the right place. You feel guilty leaving your son to GO FOR A RUN! For goodness’ sake! Pat yourself on the back, buck up some confidence, and get some fire in your belly! You are a loving mom, and you are doing your best. NO ONE is super woman! Do not let other people’s comments or questions shatter your inner confidence.
I read an article recently about moms and guilt. Have you noticed how much more often Moms suffer with guilt, and not Dads? A busy career woman and mother asked her friend, how do you do this (working/ mothering balance) without feeling guilty? And she replied “I simply decided, that’s it- I am not feeling guilty about it anymore. I REFUSE to feel guilty- and it worked!” Feeling guilty helps no one. It does not help you, your marriage, your son, or your life. So let go. Take some time for yourself, go for a run. An unhealthy, guilt ridden mother who is around worrying all the time is not half as good as a mother who takes care of herself, praises herself for the good things she does, and stops beating herself up about the things she cant do.
Post # 8
I can’t imagthat what you are going through. But I do know that you have to take care of yourself to be a good mom. Take your son running with you when you can. With the weather shield for your stroller, the will be warm enough most daysto just keep moving forward. You are getting help and workin to get better. Just focus on that and know that your son loves you. I things will change because that is the nature of life. and things will get better if you keep working at it. Just try not to get too discouraged.