- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
After weeks and apparently a few months on this site -I’ve decided to go there… I’m venting and asking your opinions at the same time.. all answers are welcomed.
Weddings today are waaaaay different than when our parents/grandparents got married, however there are still the age-old traditional things we all would like to happen, or bits and pieces to occur. However, when a family is split and parents divorce (mine were divorced by the time I was 2 1/2), it gets a little hairy in the wedding department.
I’m struggling with family issues during this supposedly “special” time in my life. I have a mom who birthed me – who is a drug addict/alcoholic drama queen, who is someone I have walked away from and for obvious reasons have no contact with. She questions my sister about my wedding and I blow up at the idea of her even knowing when/where I’ll be getting married. I have a stepmom who doesnt care for my FI and a Dad who lets her (stepmom) and my son’s father walk all over me, along with talking smack about me and the FI behind our backs – all of my grandparents have passed with the exception of one, and he’s really not the hands on type. I’ll be lucky to see him at the wedding. I also have a sister and a stepsister – sister is in a county detention center – with the possibility of being out by the time I get married, but maybe not. Step-sister hasnt asked about the wedding since I told her about it in the first place.
FMIL seems excited – she has never gotten to plan any weddings – she has 3 boys and the wives didnt really include her … she and I are close- but I’m not sure how to include her – as Im used to just being independent on my decisions about everything in life as it is.
We love our friends and family is important to us – as we both have sons (his is 15, will be 16 by the wedding and mine is 12, will be 13 by the wedding), and we are semi-close to our siblings, but that’s it. Our friends are more supportive and excited about our wedding than we are sometimes …
We’ve yet to put the money down for the venue – waiting on a bonus – but once we get it – we’ve talked about not having a wedding/reception here and just putting a deposit down on a weddingmoon… Getting married on an island and having our own private getaway and doing the reception thing in a year or even just whenever we get the venue together. I’m sad about this on a few notes – one being – I’ve ALWAYS wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle. He didnt get to do it with my sister, as she got married without telling anyone, and my stepsister had her own dad to walk her down.. I’ve always felt me and Dad had a special bond somewhere along the way – I even have his middle name – but I wonder if this is reason enough to stay here and get married. I dont think he even cares for my FI. We also want to have a real reception with our friends dj’ing and eating great food and cake and having a blast. We are known in our group of friends for having a lot of fun and good parties – so why should this be any different. The FI is a part-time DJ and has a group of friends willing to dj for free, including uplighting, and a girlfriend and I are doing the cake. The venue will make centerpieces and I want to have a photo booth with a luau theme and funny Don Ho type of silly stuff – inclusing leis, coconut bikini tops, etc.
My question is this – should I do this for the party or should we just go discreetly to the Virgin Islands and have our small ceremony at sunset like we want… or should we do both as originally planned? We can get married at the reception site, and also have a small vow renewal at sunset where we’re honeymooning… I’m just concerned about leaving everyone out of our celebration that really cares and overindulging on things that my family could give a rat’s ass about..
(thanks in advance for listening to me vent!)