Post # 1
Sadly enough… my friends have dubbed my mom, Momzilla. Here’s the story… when we first got engaged, she was pretty upset when I mentioned we might not get married at our church. So after some discussion, my FI and I went to our family’s church and set the date and time. Fine…
Well now that I’ve been more focused on wedding planning, the wedding party has come up, and my mom insisted on my brother being a groomsman… she would bring it up every so often and get really upset about it so then I wouldn’t even want to mention anything about the wedding in fear that she would bring it up again… after a couple of weeks my mom and dad sat down with me and had a long convo (tear filled of course)… and I knew the right thing for me to do was put him in the wedding. Okay, so he’s in the wedding… FINALLY we’re done talking about that…
WRONG! Last night, my mom and I went to look at dresses and we went out to dinner afterwards. She brought up the fact that I needed to add another bridesmaid (because I wasn’t going to add one just because we added my brother). She started naming all of these people I could add, and I told her I wasn’t going to add another one for the sake of adding one! I told her it didn’t matter if the sides were uneven and 2 guys could walk 1 girl down the isle.
Well then she got even more upset, saying that my brother couldn’t be one of the two guys walking the one girl down the isle. She said, “Do you know how that makes him look?” I’m thinking… No, Mom because it’s not a big deal. Her response for anything I said to defend my own stance was , “but he’s family.” It’s petty, and I could easily say, “Okay mom, he’ll walk with just one girl,” but she already got her way on the church and my brother being in the wedding party.
I need advice… this wedding has become my mother’s… and she is so stubborn that nothing I say is going to get through to her… is there something I can do rather than say that will get through to her? Please don’t tell me it’s my wedding, because I know that and I have told her repeatedly that it’s my wedding, not hers. My parents are paying for the wedding, and my mom thinks she can hold that against me, but I won’t stand for it…
Please help! The wedding planning has become so un-fun and is causing so much unneeded stress in my life. My FI and I are ready to elope! Is anyone else going through the same thing? How do I get through to her? Do I ever get through to her?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. My mom’s super old-fashioned & judgmental and I’ve been having a hard time dealing with her but for some reason I still want her involved. I hear you about it sucking all the joy out of planning. Sometimes it’s just not fun when she’s involved & you have to defend every single decision you make,
My 3 older brothers aren’t in my WP either but their kids are – I thought that’d make up for it with my Mom… notsomuch. For what it’s worth, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with 2 guys walking down with 1 girl. I did it at my cousins wedding and didn’t think anything of it. My mom’s out of the loop on what’s the norm for weddings but when I show her proof that tons of people do it (i.e.: Photo booth, no favors etc) she gets it. She doesn’t like it, but she understands. Do you think if you showed your mom pics of odd numbered parties she’d feel better about it?
I don’t have much advice since I’m going through it too. I let the small things go and stand up for what’s really important to me. I guess the best thing I can say is at least you know you’re not alone & feel free to vent anytime. 😉
Post # 4
Is there any way you could pay for it yourselves? I understand that it is REALLY hard to turn down the offer to have everything paid for, but the more demands you give into, the more you will make until it isn’t what you want at all.
Another thing you could do is not keep her involved at all. Thank her for the generous offer of paying and say you’ll send her the bill – you’ve got the details covered already and that is non-negociable.
Post # 5
Put your foot down. You’ve given her little rewards/victories so she’ll never stop squeezing out more.
YOU need to set the boundaries regardless of who is footing the bill.
Post # 6
This is really old, but a good illustration of, “If you give a moose a muffin.”
Parents with teens often talk about how their kids try to test lines to see if the parents will push back. I think weddings are where moms have their revenge.
Post # 7
Bring a squirt bottle and squirt her in the face when she’s being a pain.
Honestly, this isn’t a huge deal but I can see how it’s annoying. My mom rarely acts like this to me because I won’t tolerate it. I’m not inviting one of my sisters and the other two are definitely not going to be in the wedding party. My mom is displeased about this but she keeps it to herself because I told her that her options were to either accept the decisions I make as final or not get to talk/help with planning. Of course she’s pretty used to me not putting up with nonsense so it wasn’t a big deal. I guess you could say that she’s already trained? 😉 I promise, I love my mom but I just like to do things my own way and really hate hearing unasked for opinions about it.
However, since it’s her and your father’s several thousands of dollars being spent, you really don’t have much ground to stand on. If my parents were paying, I’d be getting married in a church, by a priest with my idiot sisters standing next to me instead of the women I really love and care about. Because I wanted total autonomy, we’re paying for this ourselves.
From what you’ve said, she’s not asking a lot here–just have 2 other groomsmen escort a bridesmaid down the aisle and he can have his very own bridesmaid. It’s not a big deal–you won’t really remember that in 10 years but you will remember the huge fight you got into if you decide to make a stand over something this minor.