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aww noes. *hugs* sorry your upset. Its a tough situation money things and peoples attitudes.
aww i'm sorry to hear that. i hope things turn out for the better in the long run...
My dad literally tried to strong arm me with money. He said that if he was paying that I would get married where he said. I am completely shocked and hurt by the entire siruation. He bashed my FI and his family. It was a huge blowout... weddings are supposed to bring happiness and joy to families, not pain and estrangement.
Hi Vanilla Frosting,
You do have quite a while till your wedding-hopefully things will cool off soon, and everyone will be able to move beyond this, and move ahead with your planning. I am thinking of you, and wishing you well. Rhonda -PM me if/when you want.
Aw,
I know how you feel. My family tries to strong arm me with money too. I have a difficult family, it makes it so much harder, doesn't it? Isn't life enough stress?
;)
I am so sorry to hear that. Look at the bright side...at least you will not be obliged to invite the people on that huge list of guests that your parents gave you...
My mom promised money, didn't have it when she said she would- and then insulted ME when I asked her about it at that time...(?) Unfortunatley, that is her personality- if I ask her about something she was wrong about- and it can be HER thinking it was wrong- if I just happen to ask about it- she will attack me.
My Dad said he wouldn't even come to my wedding if I did it where I wanted... I am hoping he gets over it...
Awwww sorry to hear about that, hopefully they will come around soon and see that its your big day not theirs. This is why me and FI are happy we are paying for our wedding ourselves, that way we dont have to hear it from anybody. Last night we had a talk about our expenses and both agreed that this whole wedding budget plan we have has taught us alot for our future, we use to be so bad with saving
I think that if you were relying on your parents' money for your wedding then they DO have a say (larger than yours, for that matter) in the purchases and decisions made for the wedding. Sorry to say, but I think you're being selfish--not your parents--for expecting their money and expecting complete freedom with their money.
Can you compromise with them? If having their money is important to you, you may be willing to have to make some sacrifices.
"weddings are supposed to bring happiness and joy to families, not pain and estrangement."
Well that was your FIRST mistake
As other's have said, you do still have a lot of time for tempers to simmer, and I wouldn't be surprised if your parents come around and offer to pay for at least a few things. I've always known my mom leans to the selfish side, yet I was still surprised by some of her coments & actions (and FI & I have always been the only ones paying for anything!). Weddings are weird creatures. Sorry you have to deal with this while still riding the post-engagement high=(
Ok... so after my upset posting last night, I called my father and told him that if his money included strings attached, that I honestly didn't want it. I may have been a bit more strong willed about it than that, but that's the short of it.
@Chreee123-I'm very sorry, but I completely disagree with you. My parents offered to pay for the wedding, I did not ask them for money. While I value their opinion and respect and appreciate their generosity deeply, this is still our (FI and my) wedding day.
Needless to say, my father left a terribly hurtful voicemail on my phone after that, basically telling me that if I didn't call him back that we wouldn't talk for a "long long time". Well, I'm stubborn, so I wasn't going to call him back right away. Anyhow, I think he really thought things over after our blowout last night and he called me again this morning. Then he texted me about a dozen times. He ended up coming down to see the venue today and had FI meet him there, as I was at work and could not meet them. He basically told me that it is my wedding, and he can see that we have made up our minds. And while he would prefer the venue he and my mother chose, he is willing to make our venue work. He also informed me that he would never let me pay for my own wedding. I told him that as long as there weren't strings attached, that I would accept his money. We discussed the budget and talked about slashing the guest list to an A, B, and c-ya later list.
I know that a lot of the bees are probably shaking their heads right now and thinking that I must really be the bridezilla from hell. But this is honestly the first time that I have REALLY fought and stood up for something that I really wanted, instead of rolling over for what my parents wanted for me. I am really proud of myself. And I did get what I want. Things obviously are not completely settled and I'm sure my mother will need time to adjust and mellow out, but I got my dream venue
I don't think most of us are shaking our heads. You stood your ground and that's a good thing. I'm glad you got your dream venue and that your parents are coming around. I've had to fight quite a bit to keep people from trying to add in flowers everywhere because I don't want to spend the money on them for a winter wedding. I'd have to say that almost every bride has to fight for some portion of her wedding and that it's a good thing, especially since in this case you and your FI agreed on a specific venue.
Learning to stand your ground is a great thing! I'm glad things are working better with your parents- they need to realize that you are an adult now and will be making your own decisions from here on out. Honestly I see a lot of brides who just give in to whatever unreasonable demands their parents make, it makes me wonder what will happen to them in the future. When they have kids, will their parents demand the right to name them as well?
Good job. I'm glad you got your venue, and hopefully your parents will take some time and come around.
Young lady(s)
You have a lot more power than what you think you have. Bad feelings can preclude visits from grandkids. Don't think they are not aware of this. Still, it's good to stay on friendly terms- always... They have gifts for you of which you are not even aware:-)
oh yay im glad it all worked out!!!! :D what a relief! Good that your parents came round. :)
I'm glad things are looking better!
And I'm definitely not shaking my head at you. My parents really can't afford to pay for my wedding, but having gone through it I am determined to have a wedding fund for any children that we have. I would just like to make it easier for them. I truly feel that having the wedding is the first time that you and your husband to be need to stand up for yourselves as a family. Clearly you are doing that, so good for you!
Good luck. I hope everything works out wonderfully!
Go Vanilla! It is totally YOUR wedding and YOUR say! When parents offer money it should be accepted as a gift! Not a second wedding for them! If they would like to give you money to use towards YOUR wedding, you should be able to do what you please with it. I think that you had every right to be upset because you told them that if you couldn't accept it as a gift, you didn't want to take it at all! It definitely set up the fact that this is YOUR wedding and they have the right to give suggestions but YOU AND FI utimately have the final say!
You go gurl!
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Well bees... it's official. FI and I are paying for our own wedding. Not because of momzilla... but dadzilla stepped in and really made everything quite salty. Very upset right now. Cannot believe my parents could ever be so selfish.