Post # 1
I have two.
(1) FI and I got into it yesterday about his mother. I know she doesn’t like me, she’s never made it a secret. But he kept saying that it wasn’t rude if you went to a wedding without a gift or a card, it’s just “a different way of doing things”. He says the standard to bring something comes from just “upper class” people, and in real life, you don’t behave that way. So, continuing on this vein, he asked his mother if she got our save the date, and she said “Oh, I got something from you, but I didn’t even bother to open it.” And when she did, she said “I don’t know why you let her waste your money on that shit.” Grr.
Although, i will point out a funny aside:
FI: “It’s not like there’s a standard of etiquette for how the American people are supposed to behave.”
Me: “Yes-huh! I have the book!”
(2) I have 5 freaking sisters. 5. Not one of them has asked if they can help, but they have all asked for something. To move the date. To have their kids be in the wedding. To change the time. Blah, blah, blah. I am just so over it right now, I can barely stand it, and that really upsets me. I’m a transplant, and I don’t have any local friends or family, so I am literally doing it all by myself, and I guess I just sort of hoped for more female camraderie right now.
What about you guys? What’s bugging you?
Post # 3
I’m sorry that your starting out your week with such frustrations. But, smile, knowing that all of us brides go through some sort of drama and it just goes with the burden a planning such a big event!
I hope that you and FMIL can work out her stubbornness and keep the peace for you and your FI’s future sake. Even though it’s hard, try not to take her opinions personally, as well you explained, she is biased and probably just doesn’t understanding everything wedding nowadays.
As for your sisters, have you tried to talk to them at all? Maybe to one of your sisters that your closer to? I’m sure they mean well, but we are all human and it’s VERY easy to think of oneself over the bride… (I mean you should be the center of attention in my opinion! :P) but it’s hard for people to grasp that concept when they’re not the ones in the driver’s seat.
Good luck in your planning and feel free to vent whenever needed to us! 🙂
Post # 4
Aww! I’m so sorry! 🙁
I just had half of my FI’s family making fun of a song that we had a friend write for our first dance. THAT’s why I never tell them things til the end.
Post # 5
Ooooh I’d be mad at my man if he started arguing etiquette with me! There is no way he has done as much research as I have, so he better not try! 🙂
Surprisingly, the in-laws and I are getting along better as the wedding gets closer. We had a rocky start at the beginning of the engagement, but I think as things become more realistic, our relationship is improving.
Now with MY mother, that’s an entirely different story. I have gotten to the point where I’m not telling her our plans, or keeping her up-to-date on much of anything. Her way of coping with stress/anxiety is to OVERmanage things…to the point where it makes no sense and she is visibly struggling. These situations always turn into an argument (aka, how long guests will stay at the reception after we leave. no one knows, and no one WILL know until the night of, so why bother arguing about it?) and I made the decision last week to just leave her on a need-to-know basis. Granted we are only 19 days out, and if I really wanted to save myself stress I would have done that months ago 😉
Post # 6
Ughhhh I have had a similar (non wedding related) discussion with my FI before about ettiquette/social norms. Him = its just a different way of doing things. Me = YOU’RE BEING RUDE.
Why can’t guys just trust us on what is rude and not rude? I don’t ENJOY telling you that you’re rude. So if I do, I probably mean it.
Post # 7
@Corgi, I know! It’s not like that’s the best part of my day, having to tell him that he (or his family) is being rude. He is so very rarely rude, but his family…I worry that he thinks it’s acceptable, and he has just transitioned into a (not rude) different way of doing things.
We’ve had this fight over his kid before (re: thank you notes), thankfully, he seems to believe that whether it’s etiquette, or a different way of doing things, he wants his kid to have it 😛
Post # 8
Mine is my bachelorette party. My sister is my MOH and she wants to be in charge (rightfully so) but my BM’s want to help. She told one of my BM’s that I was ‘still getting humiliated’ when my BM told her I didn’t want anything cazy and that it ‘wasn’t about me, it was about everyone else celebrating me not bing single anymore’ Anyway, it’s seemed to have turned around and I’m sure it will be fine. I was just hurt that she was planning to humiliate me as part of my bachelorette!!!