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What about continuing to go to school full time and working some too? In undergrad I went to school full time and worked 20 - 40 hours a week depending on the semester. My FI works full time and still is taking 10 credits this semester. I'm now in a doctorate program and still work a few days a month for a little spending money. I think it can be done, especially if you can find a flexible part time job.
It is totally possible to go to school full time and work. My last year of college I was tutoring for a private company, working emergency/weekend shifts for a vet hospital, and I was also working at a pig farm. In vet school I did tutoring and picked up a couple of shifts at the vet hospital. Yes I was really tired all the time but I lived as debt free (with the exception of student loans for tuition). I did my undergrad degree in 4 years and was not delayed at all. I also got grades good enough to go to vet school.
That's the difficult part. I'm pretty much going into premed and because I have no undergrad, I have to get an AA degree plus several other prereq courses before transferring. Basically from this fall, I'll be taking at minimum 15 credit hours and I'll still need to go to college during the summers until graduation in 2012. I know a few other of my peers who are working part time and it's difficult in this area because your options are reduced to waitressing - which presents a problem because my schedule would not be flexible. I have to get a 4.0 to increase my odds of getting into a particular school, otherwise my graduate options will require me to leave Chicago and that isn't an option . :-( I'm just afraid taking on a full classload and a part-time job won't leave time for me to understand the material.
Sounds like the magazine incident was just a sign that he is generally bitter about having to support you and would ideally like for you to be working to contribute at least something. It doesn'thave to be full time. I'm sure if you continued school full time and worked a part-time job and brought in some sort of income he wouldn't be blowing up at you about magazines. While your finances are OK for now, he may be looking to the future and thinking about savings, thus the magazine as an unnecessary expenditure situation. I'd seriously consider getting some sort of job so this doesn't become a serious issue in your relationship down the line.
You can most def. do both! I take atleast 3 classes a semester and work about 30 hours a week at a daytime job and still waitress one night a week too, and I keep my grades up. You just have to budget your time. I usually set a schedule of study and homework time and keep to it all semester. Good luck!
Thank you for your input guys. I suppose worst case scenario I could quit the job if it wasn't working out. :-)
I would get a job. You can definitely do it. My last year of college I worked 40-45 hours per week and took 12 credit hours each semester. It isn't impossible, it just takes you actually wanting to do it.
He does sound bitter about having to support you.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I really think you need to get a part time job and contribute a little something so that you and he feel better about the whole situation. While I was in college, I worked two part time jobs while taking 18 credits per semester so that I could complete my double major in 4 years. You get used to staying up late and getting up early and you get really good at studying. Of course it's not easy, but you do what you gotta do. Now that I'm in a PhD program that doesn't allow us to work outside of the department, I feel like I'm swimming in time!
God it's hard! I lost my job just a little over a month ago, but have had tons of interviews and a few offers. In the meantime, we have ONE income and are moving in together!
It's so hard because FI is also in college, so I feel like he is doing everything and I'm just sitting around doing housework :( It has led to a few arguements, but I think things will work out for us and for you. You are lucky you have such a great support!
Agreeing with other posts about working while completing your undergrad. Lots of companies even offer tuition reimbursement (if you are full time) which, for me, is a huge incentive to work hard & get good grades. I work 40 hours a week and am finishing my last semester (12 credits) this fall! You can do it.
Getting good grades while maintaining a job is sometimes better than being a straight A student but not working! The first shows time management and life juggling skills. The latter mostly shows that you can study 24/7 and pull off good grades. Most students can do that, but keep in mind that many schools value well rounded students, also! A job could end up heavily benefiting you, particularly if you grab one in the healthcare field. It may not pay great, but there might be more options to swap shifts with people if needed, too. You could also end up with some great letters of recommendation from people in the field, which could benefit your applications.
I agree with the others and say getting a part-time job is the way to go. It is completely doable. I think going to school and not working is a luxury most people can't afford. Do you qualify for any kind of work study? A good portion of my living expenses in college were covered by the job I had with the on campus work study program. It was awesome because it paid the bills, but obviously, beings it was a campus job, they worked around my class schedule.
Hmm. I remember your earlier posts and your boyfriend's insistance that you attend school even though you didn't feel comfortable doing that and depending on him for all financials.
Given that... I would have blown up at him blowing up about the magazine.
I think its a really difficult situation. IMO he had no business offering (and pushing) to support you if he was going to be controlling about money and in an attitude of "eveything you don't need to continue living" has to be run through me. IMO that should have been made clear as a condition. But of course, you too could have made the arrangement more explicit. When he said "I'll support you" you could have asked specifics, like "how much will I be comfotable spending in a month?" etc.
I don't know, when you brought up this plan months ago I think I commented that I didn't think it was a good idea to be supported by your boyfriend without an explicit arrangement - it leaves you a little helpless. Being helpless/dependant is very very difficult on a person's self esteem and confidence and control. But I'm very glad to hear that it has worked out for a semester now! That's not bad. :) I hope it continues to work out.
I think you should get a part time job for your sake not for his. But honestly, whether or not a part time job is feasible depends on the classes you're taking - at a certain point a job means a decline in GPA - and a little bit of money is not worth losing your chances at a good grad school for.
Its great that you are going back to school. That should be your number one priority. It would be great if you could find a low stress job. What about at a library at the school or computer lab monitor, etc. Laid back, low hour jobs, that also may provide you some time to get some homework done.
I think maybe you guys need to be clear about a budget and what he is supporting you on. He may also need to know that you aren't "using him". I'm sure you not, but its hard not to feel that way in his shoes. Spending the extra $3-$4 on a magazine doesn't really send off the vibe that you are trying to be frugral with the money he is giving you.
I would be cautious that it sounds like this arguement isn't really about the magazine or the couple bucks it costs but really some deeper issues.
This might sound horribly sexist and old-fashioned but here goes...
What if he gave you an allowance? A horrible word to use in this case, I know. But really, in your situation if he gave you a certain amount that you both think is fair for "extras" it may prevent some of these little fights. Or what if you could come to this agreement: let's say you two budget $100/wk for groceries. You could cut coupons, shop sales, etc. and get to keep the extra $$.
I did the equivilant of pre-med taking 16-18 hours and held down a 20-hour-a-week job while maintaining a 3.9. As someone who went to grad school at MIT and has seen the admissions process from the other side, a 3.8/3.9 with work experience is much better than a 4.0 with no work experience. It shows that you can juggle and prioritize, key things in grad school!
Here's my two-cents worth.
Sounds like there's something there that needs to be talked about. If you aren't pressed for money and are living well, it sounds like he's bitter (like the others said) about supporting you.
Here's the big question: What if you had been laid off and not working OR going to college? Would the situation be the same, or would he be more willing to let you have the magazine? Or would there be more problems? (ok, so that's more than one...)
Here's where I'm coming from: For the last few years, my FI has been laid off: no job and very little income (unemployment was all he was getting). He would help when he could, but I was pretty much paying for everything except babysitting (he took care of our youngest and was a stay-home-dad).
Sure, there were times where I was annoyed about some things, similiar to the magazine, but I didn't blow up at him. In fact, I'd just ask "can we afford it?" and if "yes", then we went from there. We supported each other and, despite only one paycheck (and not very BIG checks at that), we rarely argued. VERY rarely argued over money. panicked? YES! LOL! but we never blew up at each other because of our support towards each other.
sure, getting a job would help in you having the "extras" in life without an argument, but... what about the whole "what if?" scenario of you not working? Perhaps a calm, long conversation about WHY he blew up and ask if it'd be different under such a scenario?
I suck at offering help like that, but I can tell you where I've been. My FI just landed a job and our income has pretty much doubled, thankfully.
hope it all works out for you!!!
I worked about 20 hours a week through my whole undergrad and finished in four years flat at 15 credits per semester. That said, I had a sweet job working for campus security and some of my shifts were spent in the info office giving information and directions to people. I was allowed to bring my books and read between clients.
Perhaps your campus has jobs like that?
I agree with PPs. I would probably have gotten upset too because to me magazines are a big waste of money...and this is probably frustration in general. Not saying that he doesn't love you and want to support you, but it is hard to do! I would get a part time job, even if it isn't too many hours a week to help. I know how hard it can be too when your college doesn't think of working students (idk about yours) so finding a flexible job is super key (and hard!).
I worked FT while putting myself through undergrad, so its definitely do-able.
Do you have even 1 day off a week without classes? If so, I would suggest you apply at all the local temp agencies – even if you tell them you would only be available for Wednesdays, or Thursday and Friday mornings until noon, etc. There are lots of companies who will bring in a temp for 1 day to cover (especially for secretarial support).
Also check out local shops/stores/call centers/etc. and places that hire for weekends only, or are willing to take you on only a couple days a week with flexible hours.
I imagine bring able to bring in ANY money would be preferable to no money, and may ease tensions around the house – even if the money you bring in is only enough to cover non-necessities for you, like magazines and whatnot.
What if you weren't with your BF in teh first place? Would you even be going to school? If you would be in school, what would you do for money? I'm sure there's a way to contribute even if it means cutting back on your credit hours to get a part time job. Or asking your parents to loan you money. Even married couples fight about money, it's the biggest cause of conflict in a relationship. Better to start things off without owing him $.
I would be going to school but on a part time basis only.
Thanks everyone for your input, particularly the folks who have worked while going to school. At this point I don't have free time aside from 5pm onwards for the fall semester. My college doesn't have any current student-work openings, and while I do have fabulous experience in working there are no opportunities within my limitations in the vicinity.
Thank you for mentioning a temp agency - I will absolutely look into this.
He does insist that he is fine paying for the necessities, but that magazines are read for a short period of time and have no resale value so it's a major pet peeve of his. I'm probably not going to discuss it any longer though, and keep to my plan of finding a part time position to fulfill my needs at this point. I hope to find something, but I haven't had much luck in finding postings so far this morning.
In any event, thank you all again for your insights! :-)
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Hi Bees!
I'm very conflicted right now and was hoping for some objective ideas on what to do. Basically, I quit my job to go to college and I am nearing the end of my first semester (with all A's!). :-) I now live with my boyfriend/soon to be fiance upon his insistence and, well, the fact I've been "living" here for some time anyhow. He is loaning me money for my fall semester and for the two bills I have - cell phone and car insurance. He also pays for our groceries although we're pretty frugal with that.
I left a job which paid, at maximum, 50K, and leveled off to about 43K the year before I decided to go into a new field. It sounds like a lot but frankly isn't enough to live on in Chicago... I was paycheck to paycheck with no debt. I'm going to a community college for my undergraduate studies which will cost about 7K. My savings has been depleted because of dental costs prior to leaving my job. I'm still debtless, but that is because my boyfriend loans me money. Our living expenses aren't much - in fact - they are less here than what I had on my own. He makes a considerable amount of money and is not a spendthrift.
Anyways, we got into a huge fight over him buying me a magazine. :-( I guess he feels that magazines are like burning money, but he waited until we got home to lay into me. I had absolutely no idea why he felt the need to blow up so my immediate thought was he felt pressured because of my not having an income.
We did work it out... and he admitted that it was all right for me to want magazines, and maybe it's okay that he relax about it. But now I'm wondering if I should cut down my college hours and get a part time job. I'm divided about it because this would put off my undergraduate degree by more than a year, and w're not in dire straights financially. On the other hand he seems to be stressed about supporting me and I never wanted to depend on anyone to begin with.
Any thoughts? Sorry if this is fragmented, my mind is in three other places right now.