(Closed) Money bridal shower

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

The main activity of a shower is to open up presents. Going to a shower where the bride opens up each card and announces how much cash or reads off each check is the most awkward and uncomfortable shower to go to. 

Post # 4
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@Sparklybee:  The point of the shower is specifically to help a bride set up a household.  If a household is already set, then there is no need for a shower. 

If people are that dead set against getting actual stuff, why throw a party that generates gifts?

Just skip the shower, and have a bridal luncheon if you want to get together with some ladies.

Post # 5
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Sparklybee:  I thought the point of registering was so you could get items that you need.  Seems like if people purchased gifts from there, it’d be the same as giving cash and wouldn’t make everyone feel so awkward.  So what if someone only spends $5, as long as it is a useful, thoughtful gift.

Post # 6
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@andielovesj:  +1

Also, I think giving a physical gift is often fun for the giver as well as the giftee. For my cousin’s wedding, I splurged and got them the Le Creuset Dutch oven from their registry. I know how much he loves to cook and how much I wanted a LC before I got mine, and that made it worth stretching my usual wedding gift budget. They loved it, and wrote the nicest thank you note about all the delicious meals they were going to make with it, and the whole thing made me feel really good about it. 

Writing a check for a gift or stuffing cash in a card feels more like a transaction than a gift. Like I’m buying tickets to your event or something. There’s no fun in it for me! 

Post # 7
Member
3568 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is a touchy subject, but here’s what I’m planning…

FH and I had lived together for over 6 years…we do not need anything for our home.  We are not having any kind of shower.  Instead, we are going to set up a small registry for those who would like to give a physical gift, and we also set up a honeymoon registry.  I know many people consider these rude or whatnot, but in our circle of friends and family, the majority I have talked to about it think that it’s really cool.  We created a wedding website for information about our wedding (lots of people coming from OOT), which will also have a link to our honeymoon registry and our bridal registry and we’ll include the wedding website address with our Save the Dates and Invitations. 

Post # 8
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. If you don’t want gifts you shouldn’t have a shower.

Post # 9
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Frankly, a money shower is rude because you’re putting your guests in a situation where there will only be one that comes out looking well, and a bunch that come out looking poorly.

Unlike a regular shower where a variety of gifts will be open and not much thought will be put into how much each person spent, at a money shower (I’ve never even heard of such a thing), there is only one way to look at the gifts– and that’s how much they’re for.  The only way to avoid that kind of awkwardness “oh thank you X for the $25 after I just opened three envelops for $50” is to not open anything at a shower, and at that point, why bother?  Most people at a shower want their gifts opened and to receive a face-to-face expression of thanks (in addition to the card).

If you’ve had a shower, you can graciously thank someone for a gift, even a gift you don’t need or will have to return because it’s a thoughtful gesture.  Not everything gets taken to Goodwill, and for weddings, typically it’s off a registry where you can return it and get something else you prefer.  I’ve donated far more Christmas presents because I’ve never been able to glean from my MIL where she finds the stuff and we did for wedding gifts.

Even a set-up household has needs.  They may be different needs than a couple just starting out, but there are always things that are needed, and there’s always going to be a store that offers registries as a tactful way to communicate those needs to guests.  We’ve had two houses and been on our own for over five years, and understandably, our registry was pretty skimpy in comparison to friends who are still in grad school living on campus.  However, there were still things we needed or wanted but would never get for ourselves. 

Anyway, whether or not to give money instead of an item should always be the guest’s prerogative, and not something that should be forced upon them.

 

Post # 10
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

For those saying that its awkward…

I wouldnt think that you would open the envelopes of money in front of everyone…?

Post # 12
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MLDoddie:  One shower I’ve been to the bride opened envelopes and read the card, but did not state the $ amount.  She also got some wrapped presents and I guess didn’t want to make the people who gave envelopes feel left out/unacknowledged.  At another shower, the (different) bride opened envelopes and announced the $ amount.  This bride didn’t have a gift registry and told everyone she preferred money or a donation to her honeymoon fund.

I think if a bride doesn’t plan on opening gifts, it should be called a bridal luncheon (not necessarily a gift-giving occassion) and not a shower. 

 

Post # 13
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agreed. Normally a ‘cash’ gift would be given at the wedding. I would feel awkward giving a gift of money at a shower, and I am by no means an ettiquette queen. If you do not want/need anything, then you should indeed ship the shower as suggested by pp. There are always sites, like the honeymoon reqistry and such, where you can pick big ticket items and set money limits that allow people to give a ‘cash’ gift that way if you would rather.

Post # 14
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I have never heard of a money shower, but it sounds so tacky. If the bride and groom are set with household things, then skip the shower and have a lunchon. At the end of the day, people still give money as a gift, but if it makes others feel akward, then they don’t have to. 

Post # 15
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Sparklybee:  “if the Bride and groom have most appliances why make the guests waste money on junk they don’t need”  — right question, wrong answer. If the bride and groom already have everything they need, then there’s no reason for a shower. 

Post # 16
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@araina126:  +1

 

or use it as man opportunity to upgrade household things you have. Nicer towels, flatware, serving pieces, etc. Another set of friends hosted a stock the bar shower for us where people brought nice bottles of wine and spirits so that we can round out our home bar. 

The topic ‘Money bridal shower’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors