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Can't mention registries in invitations politely, unfortunately. But you can register to receive money instead of gifts through some different online sites. Unfortunately I can't think of which ones offhand, but googe it and I guarantee you'll find plenty. Then just spread the word same as you would with any registry. Put it on your website, and make sure the family and bridal party all know what to tell people. Word-of-mouth is the best way to spread that info. And by having a registry set up that is towards something like a car or house (even if you don't really use it for that ^_^), people can feel like they're contributing towards something, even if it's not utensils or linens. Good luck!
A search for honeymoon registry should find you the option you are looking for, but the short answer is no, you can't just ask for money on the wedding invitation. Let your immediate family know your wishes, maybe your maid of honor and let them spread the word. Hopefully, people will know that you won't want to lug home a bunch of heavy gifts, but giving them the option of a honeymoon registry may remind them. I used Honeyfund and it worked well.
Thanks for the suggestions, guys!
I actually wasn't aware that you weren't supposed to mention registry info in your invitations. Very good thing I asked. :)
You may not want to actually 'register' for money -- usually sites like that charge fees. Maybe fees don't bother you, and the convenience would be worth it, but I HATE fees.
But your wedding is in Vegas, so I would guess that a lot of guests would be likely to bring cards with money.
If you do decide to register, just make sure it's a place with a REALLY good return policy, and then if you decide that it's something that you really don't need (and y ou could decide that you really don't need any of it), you can return it for cash -- but be careful, because more and more stores aren't allowing cash returns. Even Bed Bath and Beyond is making it more difficult to return for cash. I think the only place where it's easy to do this is wal-mart (from another thread). Or you can pick a store where you can buy necessities (and then even if you only get store credit, you can use it to buy stuff you need to buy, anyway).
you can "register" for anything in google docs -
you make it a form, and then embed the form on your webpage. People "pledge" to pay you however much but clicking on an item. When an item is clicked on, you get an automatic email (so the money registry stalking is done for you).
I'm in a similar situation (getting married in one location and then flying home). We do still need/would like a few nice "house stuff" so we are registering at a couple of places. However, we are going to mention on our website (the only place they'd find our registry, and website was mentioned on Save the Dates) that we'd would really appreciate if gifts could be ordered oline and mailed directly to our home. This is easy to set up on registries.
I've also heard of people listing gift cards on their website under the registry section as well. Could you maybe mention that you are interested in gift cards from certain stores? i.e Home Depot, Target etc.?
Hopefully people will be considerate and not bring you a vaccuum cleaner to your destination wedding!
As people above have said, requests for gifts or money in the invitations is a no-no. However, you can mention it on a wedding website, under a registry tab or spread the info by word of mouth.
One approach that I've seen that didn't ruffle too many feathers is to set up a very small registry (like just a set of dishes or something that you actually need or want to upgrade). On your website, under the registry tab, say something like 'If you would like to give us a gift, we have set up a small registry at X store (link). We would also welcome contributions to our house downpayment fund.'
Another friend, who is Chinese-American wrote on her website: 'We do not have a gift registry; your most precious gift is your presence. If you still would like to bring something, please follow the Chinese tradition and bring a red envelope to the banquet.' The red envelope hyperlink takes you to the wikipedia page that explains the tradition of red envelopes with money for good luck.
Personally, if I was going to give money, I would rather just write a check than fiddle with google documents or contribute to a honeymoon registry that deducts a certain percentage or try to figure out how to transfer money into a special account.
Also, I don't like the wording that people sometimes use along the lines of "we have everything we need, and would prefer money'. To me, it comes across like you're bragging about how much stuff you have. Of course, I realize that some people just need a basic set of sheet, towels, dishes and pots and would have no use for fine china or a kitchenaid mixer. But it still sounds a bit braggy. Just keep the explanations to a minimum and say that you would welcome contributions to your house downpayment fund or honeymoon fund or house fixing-up fund or [whatever major purchase you're saving up for].
I personally would prefer to recieve money as opposed to gifts too!
But I think it's a little tacky to ask for money.
That being said (for weddings I've been to at least) I think a lot of people have started giving money in cards as opposed to bringing gifts. And I am Chinese so we will be making mention of the red envelope (lai see) tradition on our wedding website and program. But only for the reason of "educating" our non Chinese guests (the FI is American) of the tradition because it will be prominent at our wedding. My family will mostly be bringing red envelopes as gifts and it will also be given at the tea ceremony.
I posted instructions on how to make a "money" registry in google on my blog:
http://lavenderandpoppies.blogspot.com
really, you can register for anything this way. The guest brings a check to the wedding, or mails it.
Good luck!
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Same boat here. We plan to use cash gift towards our house down payment. Off the record, I plan to return all the gifts for store credit because we would have to mail pots, pans, dishes, etc back to CA.
I told a few key busy bodies (that would be my granny and mother) that we'd prefer cash gifts. So when people ask my mom where we're registered (didnt put it on invite), she'll reply 'oh they're registered at macys, but you know they're saving for a house' or something like that...
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Great suggestions everyone! I had no idea about the Google docs thing or the "red envelope" tradition (that sounds awesome).
LOL @ vacuum cleaner at a destination wedding. Let us hope no one goes to THAT much trouble!
We've both informed our mothers that we'd prefer cash gifts to household items and they understood completely. Being that my mother's relatives comprise the largest chunk of our guest list, telling her HOPEFULLY did the trick. Though I might need to remind her again in a month or so. ;)
If you create a wedding website maybe you could explain that you already have the housewares you need. I don't know if you would want to say something about how you are just happy they will be there with you or not, since that may discourage gifts altogether, but I imagine if people know that you have a well stocked house they may just give cash gifts to help you start off your life in that way.
I was surfing the web when I ran across an ad for a website that lets you create a gift registry for any type of gift you want (including cash gifts). Checking out the details now: https://www.agreataffair.com/
We were faced with the same problem. My fiance and I are in our 30's and we've been living together for a few years. We've had plenty of time to accumulate stuff. More than anything, we need help with a down payment on a house. I agree that asking for money flat out can seem tacky and that some people aren't comfortable with giving money. We registered for a few things we did really need and then asked people to consider contributing to our "House Fund."
We went with SmartyPig for many reasons - not just because the colors on the site happen to be the colors for our wedding. :) (Pink and green!) For one, it's an online savings account that actually earns interest - and a good rate, too! I think it helps to ask people to help you reach a goal rather than just asking for money. SmartyPig draws money out of our bank account monthly, so we're contributing, too. I think guests feel better about contributing when they see you're pitching in, too. We've also told guests that contributing to the fund earns them part-ownership of our house, entitling them to a free night's stay on our couch. :)
It's a little less consumerism-oriented than some other cash registry sites. And they charge less in fees than other sites. I almost went with myregistry.com, but they charged more and on the front page, there's a big picture of a mom and daughter gleefully holding up shopping bags. That's not really what we're about; we thought SmartyPig was less in-your-face, gimme gimme.
I blogged about it in case you want to check it out: squidleyandsco.blogspot.com
And you can check out my horrible photoshopping skills!
Good luck!
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We ended up registering for our Honeymoon at Honeyfund.com. On top of registering for the things we want to do on our honeymoon, we made one item a Home Down Payment Fund. In the intro to the registry, I mention it so people are aware of it. You decide the amount and how many of these gifts you need so essentially, you could make several listings at different prices. We did $50 amounts. That way people could buy one or more. Honeyfund.com has NO fees for anything and people can pay by credit card via PayPal. It's awesome. Good luck! Glad others are thinking the same thing we are.
I'm not sure what etiquette dictates, but on my invite in small print at the bottom of my invites I put "no boxed gifts please"...now this may very well have started an ugly war but it didn't and when people asked me where I was registered I simply mentioned in passing that we didn't register anywhere because there was nothing in particular we needed and then flashed a smile....I think that may have been enough to get the message across.
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our wedding was very web-based (RSVPs and registry info. was online). so, in our online registry, we listed rainfall of envelopes (http://www.rainfallofenvelopes.com/) as a potential "store" and mentioned we were trying to save $ for a house - we mixed it in among the other registry options, and it was our way of signaling that $ was a welcome gift as well. it worked well b/c you can use a credit card or paypal on that site, which I think people found convenient - we had a few small problems w/ getting e-mail confirmations of gifts, but no problem getting any of the $.
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the most effective thing might be to make this clear to your closest family members and friends and let THEM drop subtle hints to others, who may seek their advice about what you most need. i dont know that that's happened with us yet, but i've heard that suggestion before.
I went to a wedding where they did not register anywhere. I took that as they wanted cash. Also, I have had other friends who just spread the word that they had everything they needed, so people got it.
No matter what you do, some people will come with gifts and/or gift cards.
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I agree with Yogigal. Don't register and let your friends/family know your desires. Word will get around without you having to sound rude :)
I agree with the last two posters. Personally we would like gifts for our showers, but after that we are going to re-assess our lists, keep things on that are really desired or would complete sets, and other than that, take everything off. I think the people who will go off-registry and get gifts are going to do so regardless, but the people who check out the registry to see if there are any good gift-worthy items left (blenders, etc) and then find there are not may be more inclined to give cash.
I say just don't register for anything and hope that people will figure it out. Or ask people to spread the word that you'd like cash as opposed to gifts. And seriously, you will ALWAYS have people who go off-registry and give gifts you don't want/need...and those people are probably going to do it anyway, no matter what you do. My dad's cousin told my mom what she was getting us, and my mom politely tried to steer her toward the registry instead because she knew I wouldn't like the "great idea" of a gift. But, the cousin responded that she was adament about not buying something on my registry because she wanted to get me something "unique." Very frustrating! But I think you'll get that no matter what you do! If you ask me, the goal here is to do this in the classiest way possible...and I really think that would be to just skip registering at all. Good luck!
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Personally, I am shrugging off Ms. Post and putting my request for money on the invite. We have a large combined family spread out all over Canada...it's just not practical to use word of mouth. As for a website, we're not even having one. At the bottom of our invitation we're going to write something along the lines of:
"In lieu of gifts the couple would appreciate any contribution to their House Fund."
I would put the "only gift we need is you" etc etc but I don't think anyone goes to a wedding thinking "Hey I won't bring any gift whatsoever!" And if they do they definitely don't need me to tell them it's okay! ;)
I don't really care if it's "tacky". The fact is, people going to weddings want to know what to bring you. The invite is a speedy and convenient way to provide that info.
Emily Post I am not. And I have battled MANY times with my mother over what is or is not appropraite/practical. I think registering for something like Honeyfund etc is fine, people feel like they are contributing to a specific thing. I do think that asking for money can come across as flat out rude. I know its a fine line, but I feel like this is one of those things that is just clearly over it. My suggestion would be register for a honeymoon fun and then register at Bed Bath and Beyond. Even if you only register for a few things, it directs people to that store and they have THE BEST return policy! You give them the gift, and they hand you cash. This way, you can recieve the actual gifts, have something nice to say for a thank you note, and then decide if that gift, or the easy cash is the better option.
Word of mouth can be a great thing! I'd pass the word on to family and friends who can relay the message to people. I Would register for a few houseware items (specifically - TOWELS, you can never have enough and eventually some towels become less durable, or an extra set of sheets). When people see there isn't a lot to choose from, they may ask parents or other family what they should get. Then they can politely say, while a gift will be accepted graciously, the kids really want to get some moolah.
The most gracious way to ask for cash is register for it. Check out eRegistry.com - they have a cash registry and WishCard - which is a pre-paid VISA card. Anytime someone gives you cash on your registry, it shows up on the card almost instantly. Which means if you get it before the wedding, you can use it to pay for stuff before the wedding.
My fiancee and I are footing the bill for our entire wedding... We are even paying for some of our friends and families accomodations. We are in a similar position as some of you who have been living together for a couple of years and do not need the traditional registry "stuff." This situation does not translate to "we are rich and can pay for it all."
I know my fiancee and I would appreciate money in leu of gifts. It would definately ease the wedding sticker sting as we will be paying it off for a while thereafter and would really like to begin saving up for a house of our own.
What do you guys suggest? How should we spread the word? That we want people to contribute to our wedding fund or the house down-payment fund?
I wish it wasn't such a touchy subject. If any of my friends were in this same position I'd come with a smile and a check, no questions asked.
What do you all think?
If someone "registered" (using that term very loosely) for cash or their honeymoon, as a guest I would probably just take a card if I decided to attend. I was raised to believe that both are considered rude so it's not something I would give because I'm not used to doing so even though it seems to be incredibly popular nowadays. You will have alot of guests who get you something tangible that you may not want or be able to return anywhere because they have the same belief. There isn't much you can do to change that in them. Either way, it's rude to mention registries of any kind except by word of mouth.
from my perspective - if you don't register anywhere, don't list a registry, and if someone asks around and finds you don't have one, they'll probably just give you cash, or nothing, or pick something out. Most people would err on the side of cash. Just don't worry about it..
You should check out www.honeymoonwishes.com. I registered there for our wedding as My fiance and I are both over 40 and have everytihg for a household that we need. It's a really neat place for your guests to "buy" you something that is the most precious to you.... Precious time to have fun with your Husband!
I'll be glad to send you the link to my registry page if you'd like!
personally I think it is bad taste to infer any kind of hint of wanting money on invites
instead I told my friends I wouldnt mind cash, some asked if I had a registry I said no, its hard to lug gifts to england and left it at that hoping they knew I'd rather have cash
I'd love gifts from my family sentimental but otehrs I dont mind moolah; my facebook also has my cardbox pic hint hint:)
honeypants thanks for starting this topic.
I've been a bachelorette for the past 12 years living on my own so I have all the appliances I need.
My fiancee on the other hand still lives with his folks and we are currently house hunting.
We really would love to ask for $ but the majority here is saying it's a no-no so it looks like we're going to leave out that bit of info. and if people want to ask our parents they can tell them what our preferences are.
Thanks again and congrats!!!
I'm thinking about taking a fun approach and putting something like this on my website: "We have made a small registry at amazon.com (and give the link). We only registered for the things we need, and more importantly for things that will fit in our apartment... if we get too many toasters, blenders, and serving platters we will be up to our waists in gifts... and our marriage may not last too much longer than the honeymoon!"
Is this totally wrong? Would they get the hint that I want money, or could they miscontrue that to mean that I don't want anything?
I know many people think this is wrong... Please tell me specifically if you think this is a good idea or bad idea or just plain wrong. I'm a little budget crazy, as my fiance and I are putting roughly 20k into the wedding. reply with tough love if needed! thanks!
We simply didn't register anywhere and 90% of our gifts were money...
Similiar situation, Honeypants (great moniker). We have enough already between teh two of us and would rather have contributions to our honeymoon. We emailed our invitations via paperlesspost.com and included there our wedding blog URL.
The wedding blog has our event and surrounding area details. There we placed our wishes for any gifts folks may consider - that we're thankful but would rather they donate to charities that two of our guests are involved with and inspire them. And in case people really want to do something for us, we set up an account at rainfallofenvelopes.com. I researched honeymoon registries but found that they sometimes obligate you to use their travel agent, so you can't shop around, some make money by selling your and your guests' info to third parties and some money sites just have too high fees. Rainfallofenvelopes.com links to PayPal, respects privacy, has just $1 fee per donation/gift. And it can be used for anything you want - down payment on a house, charity fundraising, college fund contributions. You can custom the purpose.
Good luck and good wishes!
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My FI and I have been living together for almost three years, so at this point we really don't need much in the way of housewares. On top of that, we'll be getting married in Vegas and then flying back to CA so we'd rather not lug lots of wedding presents everywhere.
While we would be HUGELY grateful for the generosity and thought that goes into buying wedding gifts, what we really need? Is money to start paying off our wedding expenses!
Just being totally honest here. ;)
The problem is how to get this message across to our guests without sounding like the rudest people on earth. Is this something that we can state in our invitations or would it be in horrible taste??
If only I could register at Bank of America...