Post # 1
My FI and I have been living together for almost three years, so at this point we really don’t need much in the way of housewares. On top of that, we’ll be getting married in Vegas and then flying back to CA so we’d rather not lug lots of wedding presents everywhere.
While we would be HUGELY grateful for the generosity and thought that goes into buying wedding gifts, what we really need? Is money to start paying off our wedding expenses!
Just being totally honest here. 😉
The problem is how to get this message across to our guests without sounding like the rudest people on earth. Is this something that we can state in our invitations or would it be in horrible taste??
If only I could register at Bank of America…
Post # 3
Can’t mention registries in invitations politely, unfortunately. But you can register to receive money instead of gifts through some different online sites. Unfortunately I can’t think of which ones offhand, but googe it and I guarantee you’ll find plenty. Then just spread the word same as you would with any registry. Put it on your website, and make sure the family and bridal party all know what to tell people. Word-of-mouth is the best way to spread that info. And by having a registry set up that is towards something like a car or house (even if you don’t really use it for that ^_^), people can feel like they’re contributing towards something, even if it’s not utensils or linens. Good luck!
Post # 4
A search for honeymoon registry should find you the option you are looking for, but the short answer is no, you can’t just ask for money on the wedding invitation. Let your immediate family know your wishes, maybe your maid of honor and let them spread the word. Hopefully, people will know that you won’t want to lug home a bunch of heavy gifts, but giving them the option of a honeymoon registry may remind them. I used Honeyfund and it worked well.
Post # 5
Thanks for the suggestions, guys!
I actually wasn’t aware that you weren’t supposed to mention registry info in your invitations. Very good thing I asked. 🙂
Post # 6
You may not want to actually ‘register’ for money — usually sites like that charge fees. Maybe fees don’t bother you, and the convenience would be worth it, but I HATE fees.
But your wedding is in Vegas, so I would guess that a lot of guests would be likely to bring cards with money.
If you do decide to register, just make sure it’s a place with a REALLY good return policy, and then if you decide that it’s something that you really don’t need (and y ou could decide that you really don’t need any of it), you can return it for cash — but be careful, because more and more stores aren’t allowing cash returns. Even Bed Bath and Beyond is making it more difficult to return for cash. I think the only place where it’s easy to do this is wal-mart (from another thread). Or you can pick a store where you can buy necessities (and then even if you only get store credit, you can use it to buy stuff you need to buy, anyway).
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp
you can "register" for anything in google docs –
you make it a form, and then embed the form on your webpage. People "pledge" to pay you however much but clicking on an item. When an item is clicked on, you get an automatic email (so the money registry stalking is done for you).
Post # 8
I’m in a similar situation (getting married in one location and then flying home). We do still need/would like a few nice "house stuff" so we are registering at a couple of places. However, we are going to mention on our website (the only place they’d find our registry, and website was mentioned on Save the Dates) that we’d would really appreciate if gifts could be ordered oline and mailed directly to our home. This is easy to set up on registries.
I’ve also heard of people listing gift cards on their website under the registry section as well. Could you maybe mention that you are interested in gift cards from certain stores? i.e Home Depot, Target etc.?
Hopefully people will be considerate and not bring you a vaccuum cleaner to your destination wedding!
Post # 9
As people above have said, requests for gifts or money in the invitations is a no-no. However, you can mention it on a wedding website, under a registry tab or spread the info by word of mouth.
One approach that I’ve seen that didn’t ruffle too many feathers is to set up a very small registry (like just a set of dishes or something that you actually need or want to upgrade). On your website, under the registry tab, say something like ‘If you would like to give us a gift, we have set up a small registry at X store (link). We would also welcome contributions to our house downpayment fund.’
Another friend, who is Chinese-American wrote on her website: ‘We do not have a gift registry; your most precious gift is your presence. If you still would like to bring something, please follow the Chinese tradition and bring a red envelope to the banquet.’ The red envelope hyperlink takes you to the wikipedia page that explains the tradition of red envelopes with money for good luck.
Personally, if I was going to give money, I would rather just write a check than fiddle with google documents or contribute to a honeymoon registry that deducts a certain percentage or try to figure out how to transfer money into a special account.
Also, I don’t like the wording that people sometimes use along the lines of "we have everything we need, and would prefer money’. To me, it comes across like you’re bragging about how much stuff you have. Of course, I realize that some people just need a basic set of sheet, towels, dishes and pots and would have no use for fine china or a kitchenaid mixer. But it still sounds a bit braggy. Just keep the explanations to a minimum and say that you would welcome contributions to your house downpayment fund or honeymoon fund or house fixing-up fund or [whatever major purchase you’re saving up for].
Post # 10
I personally would prefer to recieve money as opposed to gifts too!
But I think it’s a little tacky to ask for money.
That being said (for weddings I’ve been to at least) I think a lot of people have started giving money in cards as opposed to bringing gifts. And I am Chinese so we will be making mention of the red envelope (lai see) tradition on our wedding website and program. But only for the reason of "educating" our non Chinese guests (the FI is American) of the tradition because it will be prominent at our wedding. My family will mostly be bringing red envelopes as gifts and it will also be given at the tea ceremony.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp
I posted instructions on how to make a "money" registry in google on my blog:
really, you can register for anything this way. The guest brings a check to the wedding, or mails it.
Post # 12
Same boat here. We plan to use cash gift towards our house down payment. Off the record, I plan to return all the gifts for store credit because we would have to mail pots, pans, dishes, etc back to CA.
I told a few key busy bodies (that would be my granny and mother) that we’d prefer cash gifts. So when people ask my mom where we’re registered (didnt put it on invite), she’ll reply ‘oh they’re registered at macys, but you know they’re saving for a house’ or something like that…
Post # 13
Great suggestions everyone! I had no idea about the Google docs thing or the "red envelope" tradition (that sounds awesome).
LOL @ vacuum cleaner at a destination wedding. Let us hope no one goes to THAT much trouble!
We’ve both informed our mothers that we’d prefer cash gifts to household items and they understood completely. Being that my mother’s relatives comprise the largest chunk of our guest list, telling her HOPEFULLY did the trick. Though I might need to remind her again in a month or so. 😉
Post # 14
If you create a wedding website maybe you could explain that you already have the housewares you need. I don’t know if you would want to say something about how you are just happy they will be there with you or not, since that may discourage gifts altogether, but I imagine if people know that you have a well stocked house they may just give cash gifts to help you start off your life in that way.
Post # 15
I was surfing the web when I ran across an ad for a website that lets you create a gift registry for any type of gift you want (including cash gifts). Checking out the details now: https://www.agreataffair.com/
Post # 16
We were faced with the same problem. My fiance and I are in our 30’s and we’ve been living together for a few years. We’ve had plenty of time to accumulate stuff. More than anything, we need help with a down payment on a house. I agree that asking for money flat out can seem tacky and that some people aren’t comfortable with giving money. We registered for a few things we did really need and then asked people to consider contributing to our "House Fund."
We went with SmartyPig for many reasons – not just because the colors on the site happen to be the colors for our wedding. 🙂 (Pink and green!) For one, it’s an online savings account that actually earns interest – and a good rate, too! I think it helps to ask people to help you reach a goal rather than just asking for money. SmartyPig draws money out of our bank account monthly, so we’re contributing, too. I think guests feel better about contributing when they see you’re pitching in, too. We’ve also told guests that contributing to the fund earns them part-ownership of our house, entitling them to a free night’s stay on our couch. 🙂
It’s a little less consumerism-oriented than some other cash registry sites. And they charge less in fees than other sites. I almost went with myregistry.com, but they charged more and on the front page, there’s a big picture of a mom and daughter gleefully holding up shopping bags. That’s not really what we’re about; we thought SmartyPig was less in-your-face, gimme gimme.
I blogged about it in case you want to check it out: squidleyandsco.blogspot.com
And you can check out my horrible photoshopping skills!