Post # 1
My husband and I seperated mid last year, got back together in November and moved back in together a few weeks ago.
Things have been going pretty well, except when it comes to money. He has always been funny about money (he doesn’t think he is, but he is). We used to get paid into a joint account. I would be given $400 allowance. This was supposed to cover my fun stuff a fortnight as well as petrol and other things such as the gym. If we needed milk or bread, I had to use my “fun money” if I was out without him. I HATED this.
He earns $115,000 per year. I earn $47,000 per year. He wants to split everything 50/50. He wants us to buy our food seperately. I haven’t started paying rent yet because his roomate hasnt moved out and next payday I “owe” him money. Our rent is $525 a week. I can’t afford that. I broke down crying this morning because I am so stressed about money. I can’t afford this lifestyle. I feel like he always has money for gym supplements and stuff he wants to buy and judges me when a week before payday I am broke.
I don’t know what to do. I want us to be together, I want our marriage to work but I feel like I am on a roomate payment plan.
What happens when we have a family and I have to stop working? I feel like I am going to spend my life depressed/stressed about money.
Post # 3
This is completely wrong, he makes over double what you make. To me, that means he should pay about 2/3 of the bills and you should pay 1/3. I really would talk to him about this maybe with an outside professional, the fact that you have to buy your own food and have you spend your “fun money” on groceries if he isn’t there just doesn’t seem right to me.
People manage money differently but I think that it should be fair to both of you no matter what way you want to manage money.
Post # 3
@dannielle89: Yikes. 50/50 in a marriage? Ugh. You two are married, not roommates. The fact that you “owe” him money is absolutely ridiculous. This is a common question, but have you two considered counseling? That’s definitely not a lifestyle you want to be in for the rest of your life.
I really wish I had more to say. I’m just speechless right now. I can’t imagine ever living like that. I would say you need to move on if you two can’t work it out and/or he doesn’t change.
Post # 4
My husband and I treat all income as “our income”. I think it adds unnecessary stress to have things 100% separate like this. If this is how he wants to do things, I would suggest offering to move somewhere that better fits YOUR budget. If he wants to keep living a life that is outside what you can afford, he should rethink the financial strategy.
Post # 5
I’m sorry, I honestly wish I had some suggestions for you about this, but I’m just speechless. I could not live like that. A husband and wife should be a TEAM, not keeping score of who makes what and owes who what. If he makes enough to pay for this expensive apartment that you wouldnt have picked on your own, AND makes double what you make, surely he should pay more. Otherwise, tell him you want to move to a cheaper place you can afford on YOUR income if he wants you to pay up your half.
Post # 6
I agree with PPs. He’s reasoning is incorrect and warped. You don’t buy food seperately (seriously!?), you don’t owe each other money, you don’t split everything 50/50. If you don’t pool ALL of your money togehter, then each of you should at least be contributing X% (not X$) to a general shared account which is for things like food, utilities, rent, gas, etc. and you must have access to this account.
You two absolutely need to sit down and discuss finances and come to an agreement on how everything is going to be paid. Explain how you feel and how it’s not fair and how you cannot go on like this. Go to counseling if you have to. He’s treating you like a roommate and that is 100% wrong. What will you do if you lose your job or decide to stay home with kids? Ask him what he thinks.
Good luck and I’m sorry.
Post # 7
I am not 100% certain I am following your post, but here are my thoughts. My Darling Husband and I still split everything 50/50…we are newlyweds and have yet to workout our budgets. We each contribute 50/50 on the bills (mortgage, utilities, etc), we also pay our own personal bills seperately (i.e. I pay my car bill, insurance, groceries, etc). Thats not to say we dont end up sharing from some of the others personal expenses. For example – I dont break his knees if he eats one of my eggs. 🙂
Maybe, if he is insistant on 50/50 you shoudl try this approach, i.e. totally seperate not the allowance method. I know it is not the same as rent but I had to have a sit down with Darling Husband recently and remind him that we make different amounts of money. We have an every other approach to dinners out…Darling Husband was picking a LOT of fancy steakhouse dinners and they were hurting my bank account. So we now have a plan laid out where he picks a dinner spot and pays the bill – and then I pick the dinner spot and pay the bill. If he wants a $150 nice dinner thats great – but he has to pay it.
If the rent is out of your comfort zone/ability then maybe when it becomes time to renew the lease you can discuss that its not comfortable for you. Maybe show him a budget so he can truly “see” how you live financially?
Good luck – money can be such a tricky subject for people! I wish you the best!
Post # 8
We each put a certain amount into a joint account for household expenses and pay our own bills such as cell phones and car insurance. We have been doing this since we moved in together and now that we are married.
We are going to sit down at the end of next month and come up with a better budget and a better savings plan and we will probably move towards more of our money combined.