Post # 1
I broke a cardinal rule of my own, and loaned my sister’s boyfriend money so that he could buy a ring and propose. He promised he would pay me back, this was in August, so far he’s paid one payment of $70.00….they duck my calls, don’t return voicemails and totally avoid me in general…I have never asked them about the money, since I promised myself I wouldn’t loan more than I could afford to loose….but to be honest, the fact that it’s been THIS long and they treat me like a loan shark has totally turned me off to everything about them and this wedding….what would you do?
Post # 3
Wow I would be frustrated as well. So do you not see your sister and her FI ever? Maybe you could bring it up to your parents so others could put the screws on them?
Post # 4
Does your sister know you loaned him the money?
Ugh, what a crappy situation he put you in. I know everyone says you shouldnt loan money to family, but it can be hard to say no!
Post # 5
I know it sounds terrible, but I would totally go to the wedding. You know how uncomfortable that will be for them if he hasn’t paid you anything by then? And I would totally bring it up because you know they’re getting checks on that day!
Post # 6
@Nona99: Sorry to hear this happened Nona!
So August he paid $70 and since then they have had no contact with you, but you have not asked for the money since there has been no contact?
You could try actually bringing it up for real, and ask for another payment. Either by mail, email, text, stopping by their house. See if that does anything. Do the awkward thing and ask what is happening – if he can at least give an explanation! I would try since it seems like it was not tried yet.
How much was loaned in all?
When is the wedding? I wouldn’t do a gift after the loan!
Post # 7
@Nona99: You said “they” avoid you, does your sister know about it? I would show up at their house honestly. That’s not okay if your sister knows about it & isn’t pushing to get you paid back. If it was a friend I would blow UP but since it’s your sister you can’t really do that. I’m sorry you’re in this situation
Post # 8
@Nona99: Honestly, I’d probably pay him back the $70, go to the wedding, and say the e-ring was a gift from me.
Post # 9
@housebee: I was thinking the same thing…
Post # 10
@Nona99: ((HUGS)) So sorry to hear you’re having to go through this. Been there, and now I’m so cautious about loaning anyone money because of having gotten so burned, even by family members.
My guess is he does plan to pay you back but probably doesn’t have the money at this time. He needs to talk to you, like a man, and tell you his re-payment plan, though. It’s not cool at all that he’s avoiding you like this.
Post # 11
Well, the ring was just under $500, my Mom, ponied up $100 to the fund because we all really wanted them to get engaged. So that left $400, he paid $70, so we’re at $330. My sister is totally aware of the fact that he borrowed the money from me and she was just so happy to be engaged and she loved the ring….
I was pretty persistent about that first payment, and they avoided me like the plague and finally paid it in cash….since then, I would have to be able to get her on the phone in order to ask for it…which I find REALLy shitty.
She even avoided calling me on my birthday…so that felt great. Then when we DID finally get together for my birthday and the check came…she looks at me like, “Well?” so I paid for MY birthday dinner too…awesome.
The wedding is in October, the MOH dress she picked is $250…plus alterations, that would cruise in at $300 easy, I’m a fairly talented hair / makeup artist, she wants me to do all of the bridesmaids plus her for free, let’s not forget the bridal shower, which everyone expects me to throw and pay for by myself AND a bachelorette party….oh, and one of the other bridesmaids, who is my SIL, HATES me and refuses to even talk to me let alone look at me…so I have no idea how I’m supposed to do this AND function as a human being.
Post # 12
@Nona99: Oh, so not cool of your sister, either. Wow, I’d be ticked.
I certainly wouldn’t offer my make-up and hair services for her wedding for free, now that she’s shafted you for $330. Tell her that’s your fee, lol.
And, one other thing, I totally get that it’s not the money that has you the most steamed, it’s more the principle of this thing.
Post # 13
Is this the same shower you’re throwing when you posted all the details wondering if she’d love it? I’d be dropping the pro photographer in a NY minute now. That should help at least a little.
How old are these two? Do they have jobs? Ugh.
Post # 14
@Nona99: I wouldn’t do anything for her or the wedding until she paid for it. She’s paying for a wedding I assume, so she should have the money to pay you back. No way would I do hair/make up for free or contribute at all to a bridal shower until I was paid back. But it depends on how willing to mess up your relationship you are.
Post # 15
I would avoid pitching in any more money. So, no bridesmaids dress. No shower. No wedding gift. Hate to see something get in between your relationship with your sister but at some point you have to stand your ground. Eventually she’ll call when you haven’t ordered the dress and there are no plans for the shower.
Post # 16
@Nona99: I completely understand why you are upset. At this point however, I would simply attend the wedding, not give a gift but would certainly give your sister & brother in law a card that says something along the lines of: I wish you a lifetime of happiness and couldn’t be happier to know that my wedding gift to you both is something you will be reminded of every time you glance at my sister’s left hand. Too catty? I think $330 is a perfectly fine wedding gift for a couple to give at a wedding so bring a date and enjoy the night!