Money talk gets on my nerves.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

DariaVixen:  “well why was your beer sitting on the floor on an $800 rug?” would be my first question.

It sounds like your FI feels that telling people how much things cost gives him status, it makes him feel good.  It would annoy the crap out of me as well.  DH gets upset if I’m careless with things or do things that are wasteful and I can’t blame him.  But he would never do something like that. 

If I tripped over something that I left on the floor and spilled a beer all over his Playstation and legitimately ruined it he’d probably be pissed and I wouldn’t blame him for that but that’s something that although an accident was my own fault.

Post # 3
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

DariaVixen:  That would piss me off – as if you meant to spill anything on his rug!  It’s like when someone hands you something and says, “Don’t drop it!”  OHHHHHH, OK!  I thought I might let go to see what would happen, but now that you told me not to, I won’t.”

Sorry you have to deal with that.  Sounds like he does have some chip on his shoulder.  Could you maybe mention it to him at a time when you are both calm, and just say that it annoys you that he has to point out the cost of everything?  Tell him it really bothered you that he chastized you for spilling the beer, and it’s been bothering you ever since.  If it were me, and he constantly said stuff like this, I would have to say something, because it would irritate me every time it happened.

Good luck!

 

Post # 4
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yea, that sounds pretty over the top.  Are you guys serious? Have you talked about finances and how it will be handled if/when you get married?    If not, it seems like something that should be ironed out much sooner than later if he likes to rub money in your face like that, especially if there is a big difference in income and/or you ever plan on stayin gat home with kids.

I’d also tell him that money doesnt buy class.  Bragging and boasting about how much money he spent on things or makes in an attempt to make someone feel bad about it is just tasteless.  If he wants to buy you a diamond bracelet, he should buy it cause he wants you to have it, not so that he can throw it in your face how much he spent on it.

Post # 5
Member
4640 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Mistakes happen, if your expensive rug gets ruined because you left a drink on the ground.. Pay to have it cleaned, or pay for a new one. The mug of beer doesn’t give a shit how much he spent on the stupid rug.. Nor should you.

Talking about how much you spend on things is tacky, he overreacted and behaved immaturely.

The only people who talk about how much things cost are insecure ones.. No self-respecting adult would ever act like this. He should be spending money on things because he wants to, not because he wants to show off and overcompensate for something.

Post # 6
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ew – First off…I spilt an entire bottle of black nail polish on my DH’s carpet when I first moved into his place.  He was obviously not happy, and I felt so terrible, but we had the carpet steam cleaned and it was fine.  So if black nail polish comes out, so will beer.  He needs to calm down.

My DH also spilt a glass of dark beer on our brand new rug (granted it was only about $150 – those shaggy rugs from Costco!) when I wasn’t home about a month ago, and we both laughed when he told me when I got home.  Oops, mistakes happen!

Secondly – It’s so icky that he has to point the price out to you, when none of that would have happened if he hadn’t left the beer on the floor in the first place. 

Some of the most wealthy people I know, are also some of the most humble.  They drive average cars, live in average homes, and lead somewhat average lives, and they don’t brag about what their earnings are.  People who brag about their money are usually (in my experience) not actually that wealthy/successful, and just try to make themselves sound better than they are.  Which is so…unbecoming.

Post # 7
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

In my experience with people who do this, it’s because they feel the price validates their level of upset. So before you can think “Why so mad? It’s just a rug!” they’re already defending it with “It cost so much!” because otherwise they’ll feel silly being upset over a rug.

 

ETA: Also along the same lines with the bracelet, he probably thinks you knowing the price will give him the appropriate amount of excitement.

It’s definitely annoying and kind of a tacky thing to do, so I’m not trying to defend it, but he probably really believes you’ll be much more excited and appreciative of a bracelet that cost $1000 than one that cost $50.

Even if it’s not true of you, if it’s how he thinks then he probably thinks it’s how you think.

 

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  MrsKriegerson.
Post # 8
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I don’t think it’s 100% fair to assume he acts this way because he’s trying to feel superior or wants to show off. You even admitted in your orgional post that he didn’t have a lot of money growing up, and for some people it’s really difficult not to constantly have it on our mind (especially if he still doesn’t feel completely stable with how much he is earning now-wether YOU think he’s making enough is irrelevant).

I know it’s frustrating, but try to have a little bit of patience. He even admitted he overreacted and apologized. I feel like I can relate on some level with your husband because money is a very sore spot for me. Not because I’m scraping for pennies, but I can’t help but constantly fret if I have enough in my savings or if I’m overspending, even when I know I still have decent cushion in my checkings. I don’t know why I worry so much, but it’s been ingrained in me since I starting paying for my own rent and it’s very difficult not to constantly be thinking numbers for fear of running out.

Post # 9
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

When I first saw the title I thought it was going to be about combining finances or something… This is way more frustrating than that, to me. That would be very annoying and I couldn’t put up with it personally. It drives me crazy when people are constantly throwing prices in others faces because they think it makes them better than the other. Like a pp said, the wealthiest people I know, you would never guess. And the ones who are constantly talking about money, rarely have as much as they try to make out. It makes them seem immature and insecure.

If y’all are very serious and looking at a future, you need to bring this up immediately. And I would also worry about his temper if he usually over acts about something so small…

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