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I havent been in this situation, but its very generous of your family and friends. I would just put on the card how overwhelmed you are at their generous gift, how you plan to use it and that you can not thank them enough. They obviously did not think it was too much to give or they wouldnt have given that much. I think it might be a slap in the face to send the check back to them declining the gift. Accept it graciously and let them know how much it means to you!
I think too much just makes things more awkward. I feel like sending the checks back would Be super rude! I know how you feel, big gifts make me uncomfortable too, but people give gifs because of tradition and because of sentiment. Maybe these people really wanted to give you and your hubby a generous gift to give you a good financial start, or maybe it isn’t as much to them as it seems to you. I would think seriously what you want to do with the money and make sure you honor the gifts by ding something meaningfull, like saving for a house or put it towards something fabulous and special. That way the givee can contribute to your life, which is probably what they wanted to do!
I think you're right about not sending it back but saying it's too much. I do like naangel55's idea of saying you're overwhelmed by their generosity and will put it to good use.
I'd just say something in the note like, "We were amazed by your generosity in this gift!" While I totally understand where you're coming from, refusing their gift will probably come off as really rude.
I think this is really awkward to acknowledge in a thank you note. If you absolutely feel like you cannot accept the check because accepting it would put someone in financial hardship, then you can try calling them up to thank them profusely and find a gentle way to let them know that you don't feel right taking the money (without being insulting or saying "I don't think you can afford it"). I doubt someone would really say "okay fine, give me my check back" but if you still feel that strongly about not taking the money, at least the gifter won't be surprised when you never end up cashing the check.
But I agree with PPs, you should probably just accept the check graciously and write a thank you note that specifies that their generous gift will enable you to buy a home / pay off your honeymoon / get new furniture / etc.
Absolutely do not return the check. You can word the thank you acknowledging the "generous" gift. But it is very insulting to return a gift from an adult who had the free will to decide what to give you. I once had a check returned that I had given someone for a graduation gift. The note said, "I cannot possibly accept a gift this generous" and the check was enclosed. I would not have given the gift if I could not afford it (and it was $100 which I did not consider overly extravagant.) It made me feel terrible - and removed the "joy" of giving this person anything. I chose not to rewrite the check for a lower amount. But I thought this person was very rude.
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I don't think you should stress in your Thank You that it was too much. Depending on what you choose to use the money with I would just state how thoughtful the 'gift' was and that you can't wait to use it towards new furniture, new something, etc. If they couldn't afford the amount they wouldn't have written it so don't think it's "too much," just be thankful!
Perhaps in your thank you can say "We feel overwhelmed by your generosity. Thank you so much for your wonderful gift." Would that express your sentiment?
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Hopefully I can explain this right...
We have had a lot of guests send us checks as a wedding present. I am trying to figure out the best way to write a thank you note. I know from when I was younger that you thank them for the "generous gift" and state what you spent/how you plan to spend it (i.e., thanks grandma, can't wait to go to the movies with my friends!)
But...some of these checks have been overly generous. I don't know what to do in this situation. My instinct is to say "this is too much" and try to give it back, but how do you do that through the mail? I know the people who wrote them won't actually take them back, but I feel like it has to be acknowledged. If I sent the thank you note saying "this was too much" but don't send the check back, that doesn't seem right either.
What have you done in this situation?