Money + wedding = cue the freakout

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I’d postpone the wedding until you have your finances under control. 

Post # 4
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

My first question is do you need to have a wedding that costs $12,000, it seems like it’s causing you alot of stress and you’re not very keen on it anyways.  If your FI wants a bigger wedding he should be the one paying for most of the costs. (in my opinion)

Having said that I know how stressful it is to come up with the money for a wedding.  Our wedding will cost $3500-4000 total but we just decided on the venue and everything else in February so it left us very little time to save and I am going through the same anxiety.We’ve paid some money down but still need $1660 for venue and $225 for officiant +ring for my FI and my wedding shoes plus a suit for him (he doesn’t own a suit!!) and I am paying for everything so very stressful, but I am really glad we kept the cost down, I wouldn’t want to spend anymore money on a wedding, I rather keep my money in the bank or invest it for retirement or go on a nice vacation, but that’s just me. 

Can you speak to your FI and see if you could agree on a smaller wedding with a lesser budget?

You could also open a joint “wedding” account and agree on how much each person will put into it every month.  If a few months go buy and he doesn’t put in his share then I think you’re well within your rights to insist on a very small wedding or elopement.  Postponing the wedding date is also an option to give you guys more time to save money.

Hope that helps!

Post # 5
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

Would you mind having a small destination wedding? We are having a small destination wedding in TN with just our mothers for less than $2,000.

Post # 6
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think I could continue to plan a wedding that I wasn’t sure I could pay for.

Can you downsize anything at all? Like instead of having a dj.. do your own music or something. There has to be some ways to save money.

Post # 7
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

thefuturemrshartley:  I know for us, I got quotes on everything first with a temporary date. Once I got quotes in and divided up the totals by payments per month to see if we can do it and divided it in half. (my half and his half to pay). We realized that we needed to set the date back a bit to have the wedding we wanted being realistic. Give him half of it to pay and you worry about your half. We also had to cut back on “extras” in order to help save. No more eating out as much, not going to the movies all the time, spending more time at home, working out together, doing DIY wedding stuff together. It all adds up. Postpone if you have to, but first figure out approx costs and then per month, divide in half and do per paycheck. I know a lot of our vendors take paypal payments, or can run cc payments after I send an email. They all have been ok with making payments on my paydate. Makes it so much easier to budget it out and not worry about a lump sum at the end. 

Post # 12
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

thefuturemrshartley:  We live in the DC area too, so I can totally relate on how expensive it is to have a wedding around here!  

I definitely like MrsTtoB‘s suggestion about getting quotes and dividing it with your FI so he knows what he needs to save up.  My FI and I agreed to split wedding costs 50/50 but he makes more than I do, so it’s been easier for him while I’ve been doing all the research, cost comparisons, and vendor choosing.  Planning just isn’t his thing, and he also works longer hours than I do, so it’s definitely frustrating at times.  We’ve talked about it, and he now foots the grocery bills, and does little things like my laundry and the dishes to lessen out my stress.  I’m getting him involved by letting him choose things that are important to him, like food and music, and I also made it his responsibility to take care of him and his groomsmen’s tux rentals, gifts, and rehearsal dinner.

It seems you’re doing really well on your vendors though!  Our venue and photographer were our splurges, but we found other ways to cut costs.  Instead of hiring an officiant (just heads up that in our area, they’re about $550 for the ceremony and $150 for rehearsal), we’re having our friend ordained and we’ll be paying for his hotel stay for around $200.  A florist quoted me a minimum of $1500, but then I found out that Sam’s Club and Costco offer super affordable flower packages, and the one I’m choosing will only be $313.  We’ll still have to DIY our centerpieces and ceremony decor, but I don’t mind doing that.  

I’d also suggest using http://www.thumbtack.com to find vendors. You fill out a form on what kind of vendor you’re looking for, and then you receive various quotes so you can compare prices.  I found my potential MUA on there (consultation and trial will be this Sunday), and I think her prices are much better than others in our area.

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