(Closed) Monster in law…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I have argued with Future Mother-In-Law, and she said some very very hurtful things.  Following the “fight”, she has said multiple apologies and admitted she was way our of line, and has made a great great effort to mend things.  I also apologized for the way I came off and we communicate a lot better.  But, I really want to have a good relationship with my ILs, so it’s important for me to move past it. 

With regards to your questions above, if she does come to the wedding, I highly doubt she will start any trouble.  It is her son’s wedding day, and ultimately a lot of families put bad blood or feelings aside to make the day wonderful.

For B, without knowing the whole situation/fight, I would highly hope that for your FI’s sake, you make an effort to have her come to the wedding.  If you Fiance is upset with her/doesn’t want her there, than that’s one thing.  But if not, this is his mother and I would be soooooooooooo upset if my mother wasn’t at my wedding, and would also feel horrible if my FI’s mother wasn’t there for him.  The wedding is about you both, so sometimes you have to swallow your pride for a day or month and make it work b/c it’s important for your SO. 

Hope it all works out for you!!!

Post # 4
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Without knowing the whole story, my first instinct (since you also insulted her) is to be the bigger person and apologize.  That way, if she does decide not to come, that’s totally on her.

Post # 5
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with crystalrodz, without knowing the whole story, I would say try to apologize. In fact, I would have a calm sit down talk with her about your problems and how you both feel about it.  Tell how important it is to the two of you that she come to the wedding and get along with you (even if it really isn’t important in yoru eyes). Sometimes those sit-down, “this is how I feel about this situation” talks are the best thing for people who get in an arguement. But like I said, I don’t know the details. She may be past the point of cooperation.

Post # 6
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i suggest space and time – both of you step back.  keep communication polite but do not engage in any futher mud slinging.  if shes a crazy fmil then let your Fiance handle her, if she comes to the wedding and bad mouths you, let her be seen as the crazy Mother-In-Law while you keep smiling

Post # 8
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, that’s unfortunate that she would do something like that. I had a “friend” who did that to me once as a teenager and I obvously wasn’t her friend after that. One of my pet peeves are people who start drama for the sake of entertainment. I never understood it. Isn’t there something better for them to do? It’s so sad.

What does your Fiance think about this mess? Does he know/believe that his mom is spreading rumors about you? If my Future Mother-In-Law ever did something like that, her son would be on her case in a flash until it was resolved. We’ve had our disagreements over the past 7 years, and Fiance was always able to jump in if necessary and help us figure out a compromise. Sometimes he found fault in what I said/did and sometimes it was the other way around.

At this point it doesn’t seem like she is willing to cooperate. Your reputation with your new family is on the line, so it’s time to go into stealth mode and figure out a way to reverse the damage, either through your Fiance or through your own actions. 

Post # 9
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think the missing piece of information for me is how your Fiance feels about the situation. Ultimately I agree with the PP who point out that it’s about both of you – and if he wants his mother at the wedding that sort of changes things, but if he’s completely on board with you then that presents a different way of looking at it. Does he see it the way you do? Or does he defend his mom? 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, in-laws can be so tough. 

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