Post # 1
so my FMIL has been a drama queen for pretty much the whole engagement, and has not been satisfied with anything I’ve done, but now I’ve legitimately messed something up. We’re not putting engagement announcements in my hometown newspaper (it’s basically defunct) or our current city’s newspaper (we’re in NYC, they wouldn’t publish it anyway), but FI mentioned a month or so ago that FMIL was angry that I hadn’t submitted engagement announcements to *her* hometown newspaper. I didn’t feel like it should be my job given that it was only for her newspaper, but no big, so I procrastinated for a while and then did it.
Now she’s really upset. Three problems:
1) I mis-spelled FFIL’s middle name. I had confirmed it with FI, but it turns out he was wrong.
2) I put the wrong middle name for FMIL!!! Her maiden middle name was an old family name that she’s very fond of, and I recently learned how to spell it and where it came from, and so I put it in the form without thinking about it. But it’s not her middle name anymore, and hasn’t been for 35 years! She did First Maiden Newlast when she got married, so her old middle name isn’t part of her name anymore.
3) I put a pretty casual picture of us – it’s fine with me (I was homeschooled, so I never had any formal/school pictures growing up – I just crop and submit candids, it’s what I do), and it’s fine with FI (he’s pretty casual too), but FMIL claims that people are calling her house to make fun of her because her son is in a state university t-shirt in the picture, when we both went to an ivy league college. Clearly, this is a lie. I mean, if people are actually calling her house to make fun of her because this picture is too casual, then she needs better friends. People don’t do that.
Anyway, I need to deal with it and find some way to say "sorry," but I don’t want to reinforce her whole queen bee dynamic, and not all of this is my fault, and only the first two things are a problem in my eyes. What should I do?
Post # 3
Your FMIL is crazy. She should be equally upset with your FI if she’s legitimately going to get all pissy weirdo on you. It’s not a one-sided thing. You ran it by your FI and he obvoiusly thought his dad’s name was spelled the way it is.
How did you even come to find out about her old middle name? Obviously she didn’t do a very good job of changing it.
Just tell her you and your FI are sorry she’s upset with your oopsies mistakes. You’re not sorry…you’re just sorry you upset her. And she needs to stop flipping out. Why doesn’t your FI just get on the phone and be like "mom you gotta chill. You’re being too intense" or just call her out on her drama antics?
If you don’t stop her it’ll keep up! She sounds crazy high maintenance, sorry!
Post # 4
Well, I have a feeling, no matter what you say, she is going to either not accept an apology or make a mountain out of a molehill. 🙁 So, apologize for the misspellings and that’s it. Say you didn’t do it on purpose and wish you could fix it. I wouldn’t give any excuses because she’ll just use them against you. Have you and FI both apologize together so she can’t use you against each other. Unfortunately, with crazy toxic people you have to anticipate every little thing. It’s exhausting, I know. I’m sorry you are going through this. But, try to laugh it off. 🙂
Post # 5
I don’t understand why you are taking the blame for all of this. Is she upset with both of you? I agree with ejs, your FI saw it. So why isn’t she taking more out on him for not knowing how to spell names? Or what you two were wearing? And if she wanted this write up so badly, why didn’t she do it herself? Like you could send her some info necessary info to put in, but she writes it up, puts the picture in…. and off it goes.
Post # 6
I’d get FI into the picture and have him sit down and talk with his mom… she’s acting over-the-top by the sounds of it, and should have taken care of the annoucement herself. You made a valid mistake with the names, and a simple straightforward appology for that should be sufficient… and the photo? I’d be telling her in no uncertain terms to get over it.
Post # 7
I agree with the above comments. YOu should simply apologize for the miss spelling and name confusion – but thats it…
If she wanted it done a certain way she should have done it herself! I would have your FI talk with her as well and have him tell her how its not all your fault and she is making too big a deal out of it…
Over all, there is much bigger stuff to worry about and I think she is blowing this way out of proportion!