- 6 years ago
I have been having wedding drama with my Future Sister-In-Law ever since I called her a few weeks ago to get a firm date on her wedding. Back story, she got engaged early 2010 after being with her guy for over 10+ years, then I got engaged with my fiance a whole year later in 2011. At the time I got engaged, she had no wedding plans/ date. We promptly set our wedding date for December of 2012. A conversation at the Christmas party led me to believe she had concrete plans, which I asked for the date so I could see if I could take time off of work (she was planning a destination wedding to Costa Rica in August of 2012).
I come to find out she really had no plans to be married this year- she was toying with the Costa Rica idea but scrapped it. Then she proceeded to ask me about my wedding plans, which I revealed to her that we had put a deposit on a place last year and our wedding date was 12/8/12. That took her by surprise because I guess her brother never mentioned anything.
Well since that revelation, she has been in a wedding frenzy. She keeps calling my fiance with her plans and asking about ours. First she was getting married in Costa Rica. Then she changed her mind and wanted to do Disney Land. Then she realized that no one could afford a Disney wedding trip in 6 months and so she scrapped that idea and finally decided to find a venue here in CT. She made a deposit and seemed like she started really planning her wedding. In between all of this, she kept asking my fiance if her daughter (his niece) would be the flower girl in our wedding. I told him to tell her no, because I had already chose a flower girl.
Well about two weeks ago I had to call her to ask her what was her new wedding date because, again, I would need to reserve the new date from work and I was hoping she would move the date away from ours since currently our weddings is 4 months apart. She ended up sticking with the same month just moving the day int the middle of August since all of the wedding dates were booked at her venue. That started this long talk about our weddings, at time she requested that we meet in person to discuss our relationship.
The conversation in person was her saying that we should try to get to know each other because we are going to be SILs and she wants to be able to call me about things, etc. It was a long two hour conversation, which led to her crying in the middle of it because she thought that I hated her. We talked about our conflicts and decided to just start over on a good note. She did ask me in person about the flower girl, which I explained ot her that I could have her daughter do something else, such as passing out the programs. I chose my flower girl and I didn’t want two of them. She responded with “well you could have two,” which I just shrugged off.
So at the end of the conversation, I felt better. I was going to try to talk more to my soon-to-be SIL and hang out with her more so I would be more comfortable around her. She text me the next day asking if I wanted her daughter to pass out programs, which I responded with yes. She didn’t text back.
Then two days later, my fiance got into a discussion about the flower girl with me and it sounded like my Future Sister-In-Law was pressuing him to have me change my mind. So I directly texted her and asked her if she decided whether or not she wanted her daughter to pass out programs. She responded back with and I quote “I do not feel comfortable having my daughter passing out programs, working at your wedding. You should have her in the wedding, welcoming her with open arms as your future niece. I am offended and that is like a slap in the face after our in person conversation a few days ago. I thought you were just joking which is why I texted you back to ask again.”
Which I promptly called her to talk about this because I wasn’t sure why she would be offended at my offer of compromise. Basically what it came down to was that she expected her daughter to be my flower girl and since not many people are able to go to her wedding (it is on a Thursday in the middle of August and she can’t afford more than 75 people), she was OK with our weddings being close because who ever didn’t go to her wedding, would go to ours and see her daughter as the flower girl. Now because her daughter isn’t the flower girl, she is upset that everyone is going to have to choose which wedding to go to- they can not make the trip to CT financially in such a short time to attend both weddings. I brought up the fact to her that I had already booked my venue and date six months ago and when I asked her a few weeks ago what her plans were, she didn’t know if she were getting married in Costa Rica, Disney Land and any where else much less a firm date. (I am also not sure if she realizes how having a week day wedding is going to make it harder for people to come).
She then ran the “I was engaged first” card on me, which my response was, “I already wanted a whole year to get engaged because your brother (my fiance) didn’t want ot steal your thunder. I hope you can appreciate that we are not throwing our wedding up in your face because we want you to have your time to shine. But a lot of my wedding plans were decided before yours.” I had to hang up with her because I was at work and I asked her if I could call her back during my lunch break. She said ok but when I called back she never picked up and then I texted her to call me back and she never did.
If this was a random person, I wouldn’t care but this is my Future Sister-In-Law and I am not sure what to do. They have birthdays coming up in the next few weeks which I expect there to be some sort of family get together since she is turning 30 and I think her daughter will be 8 or 9. This whole thing is going to be awkward. Any advice or opinions?