Weddingbee boards

So hive, I have tried not to turn this into a major saga or anything, but I've posted before about my MIL's illness and our plans to move back in with my husband's parents for an undetermined amount of time.

Well, it seems that all his other siblings who are out of the house have had the same idea. Both his brother and sister (20 and 24) are in the Air Force, and they are both trying to get hardship transfers to a base about an hour away, and not just getting an apartment down there or even one near by, but actually moving into the parents' house as well! We're talking 6 independent adults, 1 high school senior (my other SIL, 17), and a newborn in one four bedroom house.

They're talking about remodeling, putting an addition on the house, etc, and all of them being there for the duration of their enlistments and likely college and/or graduate school as well -- we're talking at least 5 years for all of us.

So it looks like I am moving into a commune. Not only that, a commune made up of all of my in-laws, who all have years and years more experience living together than I do with them. Except for the baby, I'll be the outsider. I'll also most likely be the main housekeeper of this little social experiment, seeing as everyone already has or will have an hour long commute... it's just not worth it for me to get a job too, with a newborn and that much cooking and laundry to try to keep up with.

I'm excited about the remodeling aspect (I've been drawing house plans since I was 13, I love this), but I have to admit that I am kind of freaked out by the rest of it. Sure, I love them all, but to live with ALL of them? ALL the time? And be the only non-family member (yes I'm technically family but there has always been a funny "Oh you don't understand him [my husband] like *I* do" vibe from one SIL in particular, and occasionally from the rest of them in general.).

Anybody else lived with in-laws? Or dealt with trying to work your way into your SO's tight-knit family? My husband and I are meeting with our pre-marital counselor tomorrow to discuss setting new rules for the new housing dynamic, but I'd love to hear ya'lls input as well.

Including the BF, there are a total of NINE of his family members that live with him in a single family home. I don't live with them but he will move out before the wedding. I would think it to be a really hard life to live with so many people and trying to get your privacy. I have to say, you're pretty strong even living with your in-laws. I hope you don't become the main housekeeper. If you get along with the people that live there now, it should be fine once the rest of the family comes back. Do you have any plans on moving out anytime soon?

I thought they would have to live on base or at least close by (the 24 year old is a nursing tech, can't see her being too far from the hospital) but somehow DH (a veteran) thinks they can be as far away as the parent's house for the whole hardship deal. I have no clue whether he's right. The 20 year old has only been in since January (he's been at his first duty station for a little more than 2 months now, graduated BMT in March -- I think he's a jet mechanic and the base he'd be transferring to has those jets) so I seriously doubt he could even get approved to live outside of the dorms. Sometimes they all just get caught up in their own ideas that have little basis in reality but heaven forbid you say to them "Um, I don't think it works that way" because you are the civilian and you just don't know. :) (oh yeah, I will also be the only civilian in the house besides the baby and my high school SIL... MIL and FIL were both Army)

We talked to FIL last night and he said that he didn't really care if everyone was at home, but he wanted DH and I there because we don't have housing allowance/regular income like the siblings do. So at least nobody will bump our spots! :)

I love them, I really do, and my grown up SIL has been coming around more and more since I actually married her brother, but yeah, it's gonna be tough. Thank you guys for the advice. My FIL brought up the family meeting idea on his own last night, yay! I'm supposed to be trying to think of family rules today during slow periods at work but with a little more than a month or so left working here they decided I should be trained on something new so I can train my replacement? Heh. I'm actually looking forward to the change of pace of being a full time housewife/mom, believe it or not. Who knows how long that will last, but I'm already collecting healthy recipes I think I can pass off on my junk food loving in-laws, and if my FIL gets moody and barricades himself in his office, I can always stick the bouncy seat with the baby in there and hopefully lure him into some sort of human interaction.

ejs, my BIL is an E-2 or E-3 (can't remember which), but yeah, basically the lowest you can be and not still be in training. My SIL is pretty much the oldest Senior Airman (I think E-4) in the USAF... they keep making her take leadership classes but she does NOT want to advance. Lazy. :) So yeah, I suppose thinking about it chances are good that they'd have to be on or near base. Meaning I'd see them on the weekends... not too bad.

I'm hoping that I can get somewhat tactical with them (in a totally loving way, of course!) with using the baby and my MIL's acceptance of me (she is awesome, has always made me feel like one of her kids even before I started dating my husband) to gain some leverage. My older SIL is mature enough that she's not going to be petty with me, and my BIL is too sweet. The younger SIL is really who I worry about, stupid as it is to be intimidated by a 17 year old. She is just going through a phase, I think, but she is a little pain in the patootie right now, bless her heart. FIL is sort of weird... he talks good but then he will get moody and barricade himself in his office and get really cranky with anyone who defies him or tries to tell him to quit being weird. I'm hoping when that happens I can just go "Hey dad, I'm taking a shower/walking the dog/standing on my head for the next 20 minutes, can you watch the baby?", slipping her bouncy seat into the office and then booking it before he can disagree. Let the cuteness mellow him out a bit, you know? My husband calls that plan "devious" but I think it's just good PR.