More money or having your spouse around more, which would you choose?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

That’s 76.5 hours in a week, isn’t it? Almost double the standard 40? Double pay for double work isn’t really a good trade if it boils down to the same rate per hour. I personally could not get behind that kind of time away from the house, I’m currently unhappy with the 50 hour weeks we put in, but at least we get weekends. But it all depends on how much “double” pay was – if he was making minimum wage, then yes, I suppose the double is worth it. If he was making 50k plus my income then it is not necessary IMO.

I wonder if he could just work it until your baby is born, and you two budget your spending to be like it was on the lower income. Then with baby you have a good nest egg, and he can look for more of a middle ground of pay/hours.

Post # 4
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d rather have my DH around more. There was a period when he worked a job with HORRIBLE hours and hardly any time off and it was awful. I felt like I never saw him and when I did he was exhausted. Unless you desperately need the extra money then I just don’t think its worth it. There are way more important things in life than money.

Post # 5
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Mrslovebug:  I We chose the money. It is my job that keeps me away 4 days a week (I travel) but pays a lot more.

We did this for one main reason…we both would like me to stay home when we have kids.

It is definitely a sacrifice, and only you and your husband can decide if that sacrifice is worth it for you. It was for us. Short term pain for a long term gain.

Right now, we miss each other a lot and put A LOT more effort into making our time together count, but it means that we can put 50% down on a house and have tiny mortgage payments in the future. Without the small mortgage payments, I don’t think I could stay at home with kids full time.  

If you decide to do it, there should be an end game in place. How long is he doing this? Is it a seasonal job where he gets a lot of time off in one part of the year? A definite end date makes it easier when things get tough. You can tell yourself “only 3 more months” until things are “back to normal.”


Post # 6
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Mrslovebug:  I can kind of see both sides of this. I spen a lot of time at work and school right now so if FI wanted to work to make more Mula, that’d be good. our house would be less clean but thems the breaks. We don’t have kids though (or on the way) and I know that changes things.

My older brother and SIL have two kids. He works ALL the time. Like, probably like your husband, almost 80 hours a week. It’s purely to make ends meet so they can live the lifestyle they enjoy but I can tell, they’re a little miserable. Bitter at each other and just kind of at a stale mate.

I think it’s worth sitting him down and letting him know how you feel. Make sure he knows you’re not attacking him and you do support him, but you need to say something sooner rather than later. I have watched this go down hill fast!

Post # 7
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d rather have FI home, especially in the future when we hopefully have kids

Post # 8
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Does he work for Enterprise? I considered a job with them briefly when I got out of school because I would’ve been making around six figures. But ultimately I decided that I couldn’t give up so much time with my FI (plus it was nothing that I wanted to do, and nothing I was passionate about)

Persobally, I would choose, and chose, time over money. You can never get back time, but you can always get money. 

Post # 9
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Mrslovebug:  It would totally depend on the situation. Right now, we would both chose more money because we have goals we are trying to reach and we need money to do so. As long as we could still sleep together every night, I would be totally fine with more hours. There are ways to stay connected and so long as the situation is temporary, I wouldn’t object. 

My husband recently did shift work (which has now stopped) and we were able to bank tons of money. It was hard but it was a means to an end. In your situation, given you can’t work, it sounds like he is just trying to make up for that and still have the luxuries a 2 income household can afford. After baby comes though, it would be nice if there was a balance. You will need more money but you will also need his support! 

Post # 10
5935 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d pick more time with my husband. You only get one life and I’m not going to waste anymore time at work because I will have more money.

Post # 11
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Mrslovebug:  I have been in this situation, with my DH previously making more money but we hardly saw each other and it took a huge toll on us over the span of 8 months. It REALLY sucked. It was bearable at first and I wanted to support DH but eventually we just couldn’t do it anymore. He has since gotten another job with normal hours and less money but we are MUCH happier. We’re not rich but we can pay our bills and now we have dinner together every night and we actually see each other on the weekends. We also appreciate our time together much more now, because we know how much it sucked being seperated so much. 

Post # 12
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Having done both, I would vote more time.  However, as PP said, if there is an end in sight, with a goal in mind that is doable.  Just put your head down and plow through.  But, if this is a permanent thing, especially after the baby is born.  Nope.  No way.  Where is your little family ??  When is he going to see the baby ?  You will essentially be a single mom.

Post # 14
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

Honestly? The money, if we were about to have a child. I’d rather he work more hours to get us more money in preparation for the child than have him around more. I wholeheartedly know he feels the same way about this. He’s always taking all of the overtime and extra tasks he can to get us more money already, so I know that if he had the opportunity to get that much more money, he’d be on it.

There would need to be an end to it, of course, but for probably a year or two, we could handle that.

Post # 16
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would much rather have more time with DH. Our first year of marriage my husband had two job and was working as much as your husband will be working and I was miserable. Even though I have lots of friends etc. etc. I missed spending time with him. He would come home for lunch and I would get to spend 30mins with him, by the time he would come home I’d be going to bed since I get up at 5am.

You work to live, not live to work.

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