Post # 1
I’ve written about it before, but as time gets closer, I’m getting more & more afraid of my wedding. There will be approx 225 people there :(! I know everyone says “you won’t notice them”, but I will. I’ve been in other situations where people say that & I know myself too well & I always notice massive groups of people. We can’t “cut people out” eiter
I’m terrified of freaking out & not being able to finish walking down the isle. I get nervous & sometimes I freeze up. I just get overwhelmed or something, I’ve had it for my entire life & I’ve worked on it forever & it won’t go away. I forget what I’m doing, I can’t talk, my heart beats very very fast & all I want to do is get away from where I am, or from what I’m doing. I don’t want to do that, I just know myself & I know that I’ll freak out & I don’t like that.
Has anyone else go thru this? Or does anyone else feel like this? What helped you? Or did you do what you secrety wanted & 2 weeks before the wedding, eloped?!
Post # 3
Hi, I’m so sorry you’re freaking out. Although I don’t know you, I really think you’ll be fine. You have lots of time to worry and get yourself all worked up now, but you simply won’t have time for that on the day-of. Believe me. You just don’t really have time to reflect on any given moment (unless you try to make time), you just get swept along in it.
Also, remember this: everyone is there to support you. It’s not like giving a presentation at work or at school or being in a play or something where people are not necessarily on your side. You don’t have to freeze or panic because everyone will be looking at you with love.
Post # 4
I’m trying not to think about how many people will be there, but I’m trying to prepare myself & then I get stressed out. Over 3/4 of the people are FI’s family/friends that I don’t know (ok, I’ve met them once) so I’ll feel like I’m getting married in a group of strangers, but I’ll have my 20 friends & 5 family members there. And then, there will be his 200 people.
Post # 5
But they will still all be supporting you. I wouldn’t focus on the number though, that doesn’t seem to be doing you any good, you know?
Post # 6
I know how you feel..I am nervous to walk down the aisle too..im just a nervous pervous though..always have been..just try to remember that somehow it all works out..and you are getting married..thats one of the most important days of your life! And you will be in the moment, and you are marrying the love of your life..and even if you are nervous or even completely freaking out…it will still be ok at the end of the day….
.if on the other hand there is something a little more and you really don’t think you can handle it…or you really think you may not be able to make it down the aisle..maybe you should make a quick visit to the doctor to see if you may need a small sedative ( say if it is panic attack or along those lines)
Post # 7
If you like wine, maybe a small glass (before you put your dress on) will calm your nerves, or if you don’t drink, maybe someone can help you with some relaxation techniques. I completely understand what you are thinking about though. My fiance and I contemplated having him walk out to “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen just to have a relaxed athmosphere when I walk out. I’m 53 & have been married before, we’re only having 60 people, and I am a wreck thinking about it too. My logical sideI knows when the day arrives, I am going to be so excited and happy that it will be easy. I hope you have a wonderful day!
Post # 8
You aren’t alone. I don’t have any advice other than have some champagne and a xanax to help you relax!
Seriously though, I will definitely be having that. 😉
Post # 9
You definitely are not alone. I feel nervous about having to be the center of attention and envy those who see their wedding day as their big day to shine. I seem to be lacking in confidence in many aspects of my life. A bit of bridezilla spirit would probably be good for me. I’m trying to get more excited for the big day but what I really wanted originally was to elope to avoid all the stress of planning and the limelight. My FI wanted a ceremony and reception though and I agreed because I wanted my family and friends to feel they were part of my wedding day and as well, deep down I know that having to do the planning and stand strong and beautiful in front of people is part of maturing, part of the whole right of passage. I obviously have some growing to do.
I have been in counselling before and one thing I learned to do was really pay attention to my breath and emotions. It’s easy to forget to breathe out for as long as you breathe in. When you breathe out (like empty your lungs as much as possible), you activate the para-sympathetic nervous system (the calming half of the nervous system). My counsellor advised me to count to 6 while breathing in, then hold my breath for a count of three, then breathe out for another count of six (slowly).
Being mindful of my emotions helps a lot too. Like instead of being all on auto-pilot, check in with yourself and admit to your self how you’re feeling with a word, like say to yourself “I feel afraid right now” rather than trying to make it go away. I find that paying attention to how I’m feeling centers me and I can be more present and in the moment.
That’s how I would like to feel on my big day, present and in the moment.
When my friend got married two years ago, she opted for two magical anti-anxiety pills offered to her by her big sister/MOH. That worked wonders too! lol I’ve actually never seen her that calm before. But she says she can hardly remember the day, which I hear is common.
I’m sure your day will be so beautiful. If I can do it, and so many other women can do it, who outdoubtedly feel the same way, you can do it too!
Hope that advice helps and doesn’t sound too hokey. All the best!
Post # 10
me too!! i just try to catch myself when i start to worry and try not to think about it if i can help it. the other thing i would suggest is breathe! i know it sounds corny, but it’s all you can really do. 🙂 good luck! you’re NOT alone!
i just read “livewell’s” post. beautiful advice!! and i plan on taking 1/2 valum as well!
Post # 11
Im nervous too! Thats why I will have a glass of champagne at my moms before I head to the church, it always calms my nerves
Post # 12
I was nervous about walking down the aisle and I just focused on my groom-all the way down the aisle, I only had eyes for him! And it helped that my dad was walking me down the aisle too. lol You might want to see if your doctor will give you a little something, although you don’t want it to affect you too much so that you don’t enjoy your day. Maybe try it before the wedding day to see how it affects you. Remind yourself that you are marrying the love of your life. 🙂
Post # 13
I think the best thing you can do is look at your FI the entire time, not at all the people. If you are still anxious, maybe you want to talk to a doctor about some anti-anxiety medicine or drink a glass of wine before walking down the aisle to take the edge off.
Post # 14
You’re def not alone, I’ve been feeling nervous the past couple of weeks too and it’s doing my head in!!!! I prob started getting more nervous after my hen night (think it just made everything seem more real). I think it’s totally normal to feel nervous when you’re about to be married, it’s a bit of the fear of the unknown I guess (I’ve never even hosted a birthday party before, far less a wedding ceremony and breakfast!). I think the advice given by livewell is fantastic, also if you didn’t want to take anti anxiety medication, there is a herbal alternative called valerian, I’ve used it in the past for exam anxiety and it really helped.
Deep breathes, you’ll be fine 🙂
Post # 15
As someone who is a nervous person by nature, I’d highly recommend you talk to your doctor about the possibility of medication. I honestly wish I had before our wedding because I got so worked up about being the center of attention, it kind of ruined my morning of getting ready with my girls. I really regret it.
I’m on medication now (Celexa), and I can attest to the fact that it doesn’t “make your numb” or “emotionless.” I feel like myself and it just takes the edge off a bit. I’m on a very low dose. I would just recommend, if you consider this route, to start taking it as soon as possible so you know how it will affect you since meds affect everyone differently.
At the very least, a low-dose Xanax should do the trick 🙂
Post # 16
Thank you all sooooooo much!!!! I didn’t realize so many others were nervous about it. Strangely enough, it makes me feel better I’m not the only nervous bride. Thou I do feel for all of you cause I know what its like! It really started to “hit me” after my bridal shower, than my meeting with a wedding coordinator yesterday made me feel super nervous. Nothing she said, just how she was saying where everyone’s coming in, where people can sit, so the number of people kinda stuck out in my mind & I can’t get that out!
@livewell, thank you… I’ll definately remember what you said! I’ve never heard of some of those techniques & just breathing like that now makes me feel relaxed. Yay!!
I’ll just stop focusing on the number of people. I’ll just imagine my family & best friends will be there, & no one else. Or maybe I can walk down the isle blindfolded, so I’ll never know the number :P. haha. Actually, we’re doing the “wedding dance” & my mom will (hopefully) be dancing with me so if she’s next to me, than that’ll help a lot!