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The problem is that he probably feels like you opened the door by allowing your sister's kid to be there.
Bottom line - you've got to talk to your uncle. If he's near and dear to your heart, you should be able to tell him EXACTLY what you posted and he should understand.
However, in the event that he goes a little crazy (as it seems to happen with normally rational people when the word "wedding" is involved) and refuses to come if he can't bring her then you need to ask yourself if it will cause a family rift if you stand your ground (or maybe call in for parental-reinforcements).
Good luck!
Thanks! The only reason my nieces will be there is because duh, they are in the wedding! Haha - and he knows this! My Mom is upset for him pulling this and is dreading getting involved...
you did kind of open up the door by allowing your two nieces to stay for at least some of the reception, but honestly it's your wedding, you get to make the rules. call him and explain that there are a ton of people who wanted to bring their kids and you just can't go making exceptions for a few people.
We are doing an adults only reception and I have already had netgative feedback form family. Sorry it is our decision as the Bride and Groom. I say talk to him and let him know only the children in the wedding will be there for a only short period of time. I say stick to your guns, but be prepared for him to be upset, or not come. For me if I make any exceptions it all gonna go out the window. Good Luck!
@Jerseygirl23: Stand your ground. The other kids are included b/c they are IN the wedding party...and even THEY aren't staying for the entire thing. Let him know that he needs to find a sitter.
You are breaking your own rule! IMO, you can't say that it is an adults only reception if you have ANY kids there (whether they are your kids, in the wedding party, etc). You can tell people that you don't have space, unfortunately couldn't include their kids, etc but you've now put yourself in a big mess saying adults only when it isn't true.
I think you should tell him she can come to dinner but arrangments need to be made for her to leave afterwards, just like the kids in the wedding party.
@pb and j: I knew I would have issues with allowing my nieces at the reception for dinner but you are right, it's my wedding and they are my family. There is no way I could ask my girls to participate in the wedding and not at least come to dinner. I think it would be different if there were not participating in the ceremony.
@Mrs.KMM: I can kind of see where you are coming from but it's my rule to break, afterall it is about me and my finace'. If I went to an "Adult Only" wedding and the brides kids or 2 nieces were there because they were in the wedding I wouldn't be offended one bit.
@Jerseygirl23: I wouldn't be offended if they were there and the bride had said they had limited space or something and couldn't include my kids but I would be offended if I'd been told it was adults only when it was not.
There is nothing wrong, IMO, with including some kids and not others. Obviously you are closer to some kids than others. But you can't really say that there will be no kids and have kids there. It's rude to those people whose kids you haven't included (no matter what valid reasons you have for not including them) because you've basically lied to them.
I think it's different since you're nieces are in the wedding! They shouldn't be expected to leave after they walk down the aisle. I really don't see it as you breaking your own rule. I would just tell your uncle the only reason they're staying for awhile is because they are part of the wedding party.
@Mrs.KMM: Thanks for your input, you have points to consider but please don't call me a liar. Everyone in my family knows that my nieces are a huge part of my life and that they would be in the wedding. I'm not trying to be rude by not including anyone's kids, it's just the type of wedding we're having.
...and another thought....even if the invitation didn't say "Adult Only", it DID say +1...not +3, +4...or some other number. So essentially, the uncle is trying to increase the guestlist which is incredibly rude. So even without getting into the no kids discussion, you can simply tell your uncle that you only have space for those that were included in the invites and that they need to find a sitter.
On a side note: it is so annoying when guests try to call around and circumvent the bride and groom's wishes. He was probably planning on trying to bring the kids anyway...he was just looking for an excuse.
@Jerseygirl23: I'm not calling you a liar, just saying you are lying - big difference. And as I said, it isn't rude to not include other kids. I just see it as rude to give your other guests false reasons why their kids aren't included.
But what's done is done and there is no way to change it now. Just letting you know what I'd feel as a guest at your event.
Chill out on the poor girl a little bit. Kids in the wedding party are the exception to the no kids rule!
And to the OP, that's the line you can use: that the only children at the reception are those in your wedding party.
Amen Gemstone! Wedding party kids are exempt to the rule - but to make sure it doesn't happen again I'd also explain that to your sister so she knows where you're coming from in case she gets more phone calls. Are there any other kids in your family that are having a sitter that your uncle could send his daughter to?
@littlemissmoo: That's what my sister is working on right now, and then she's going to call my Uncle for me.
So I decided to stick to my guns, my sister is going to call him and tell him that I can't make an exception for him when I've had to tell others that no children other than my nieces in the wedding party will be at the reception for dinner.
Why do I feel so awful? :(
@Jerseygirl23:You feel awful cause it's family and it's concerning kids. Take a deep breath. Remember that you chose to have the wedding this way with your FH for a reason. It'll all work out in the end.
@littlemissmoo: Thanks - I know it will all be ok in the end. It was just hard because when I told my Mom of my decision she said, "Be prepared for him not to come at all."
I totally hear you. I caved with one of my friends. I just couldn't tell her not to bring her baby. But since you have so many family members with kids, you've got to be strict. And I totally believe the nieces are exempt. This is the worst part of wedding planning!
@sarahsd: I do, and all my cousins on the same side of the family have like 3 kids each and if they saw one they would all be like well why didn't I just bring mine or why did he get to bring his...
You feel awful because you are a nice person. You want people to be happy.
Do not feel bad. This was not your fault. Your uncle invited his child himself to your wedding. That is incredibly rude.
The way I see it, you wouldn't have even had HAD to put "Adults Only Reception" on your invites if people didn't "take the initiative" to invite their children, grandmother, extra house guests to your event.
Really, you haven't done anything wrong, Jerseygirl23.
So you mentioned this is your single Uncle but he has a daughter. Is your wedding day one of his weekends with her and the child's Mother is giving him a hard time? It sounds to me like he knows he has to be there for you and is trying to also keep his daughter around. It's a shame he didn't ask you about this sooner,huh?
I'm sure it will all work out and your sister will handle it.
I'm also glad you're allowing the kids to stay for dinner. My cousin had a similar situation where all 3 of her grandchildren plus the parents were in a family wedding, but she had to get a hotel room to take the kids to after the ceremony. I thought that was awful.
@smyley: That's the thing, I don't know! He didn't even call ME, I have not spoken to him in about 2 weeks... I guess what's done is done, I just wish it had gone down differently.
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Ok, so our reception is "Adult Only" and I made it very clear by adding these exact words to our Reception card because there are a TON of kids in my family.
I get an RSVP from one of my single Uncle's (He's my godfather and will be the one saying the prayer before dinner) last week and he RSVP'd for 2. Ok fine, I invited him + Guest... Fast forward to today, I find out he called my sister to find out where the girls (my two nieces that are in the wedding 10 & 4) were going after the reception and if there was a sitter lined up. My sister told them they were in the wedding and would be at the reception but leaving shortly after dinner. So he tells her, "Well I'm bringing "insert daughters name" then...
I'm at a loss here girls, this uncle is near and dear to my heart but so many others have asked to bring their kids and I've told them all no, plus I don't think it's appropriate to have these kids running around after dinner nor do I want them to. When my nieces get together with this cousin they all turn into wild animals and misbehave terribly, any words of advice?