- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I stumbled across these Dr. Laura letters on a blog earlier today that I just had to share. It’s a bit lengthy but I don’t think you will be disappointed!
The Knight I Didn’t Know I Had
I’m a 30 year old recovering from cancer, and this could be titled "the husband I have neglected and don’t deserve." I’m on my second marriage. I chose wrong the first time, thinking I had the soap opera type man–you know, the bad boy always turns out to be the best man on TV. I divorced him when learning he had impregnated one of what turned out to be at least six other women during our first year. I didn’t realize how right I married the second time until tragedy struck. My current wonderful husband didn’t impress me when we met. But wanting children and having matured (but not enough) since my first marriage, I chose a wonderful man who would be a good father. We married when I was 29. Last month, at 30, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. So at 30 years old, I have lost my ovaries. I have a hideous 10-inch incision on my stomach, which is growing since I’m not active. I often can’t stand up without his help, and sometimes need his help to do things that I am embarrassed I need his help with. He didn’t leave my hospital room for 5 days, keeping me as comfortable as possible around the clock, and has been doing the same at home since. And he has never once complained. A few days ago I was crying about feeling broken, saying he deserves more than being my nurse, and that I can’t give him the children he wants and deserves. My wonderful husband wrapped his arms around my broken body and said "I would marry you again this minute, just as you are. You’re my beautiful wife, and I love you more than anything." I am ashamed to admit that in a year of marriage I have neglected this wonderful man. In the bedroom, the attention I gave him was reduced to boring repetition during my fertile time. As a wife, I am humiliated that there are lesser men who have experienced more of me on a dates when I was single than my wonderful husband has during a year of marriage. (Collectively, many modern wives should be ashamed of their tendency to give more to dates who seek sex than husbands who commit their lives to us.) As I type this, my wonderful husband is in the kitchen cooking supper. He has done that every night since we’ve been home, and has never once complained–something I often did about cooking. Had I not found the cancer, I would have died young without knowing what a knight I truly had. I am eager for my body to be well enough to make our marriage bed what it should have been all along. As often as I can, I am going rock my knight’s world like it may be the last time-because it just might be. He is going to experience more of me than anyone ever has. And I know I’m going to love it because he always prioritizes my happiness in everything he does. I was such a fool. A feminist mentality almost ruined my marriage, but now that I’m liberated from that I’m going to make him the happiest man I can, in and out of the bedroom. Ladies, if you have a good man, feed him in every way–for his sake and yours. A
The Queen I Thank God For
Dr. Laura, My wife’s letter, "The Knight I Didn’t Know I Had," was recently posted on your web site. I thought you would like to know what has happened since — from the husband’s perspective. I came home from work last Friday evening, and there was a trail of Hershey’s kisses leading from the door to the kitchen table. On the kitchen table was an amazing card from a an amazing wife expressing amazing love and appreciation. The card ended by telling me there was a surprise for me in the bathroom of the guest bedroom. In the guest bathroom, I found a towel, my wife’s favorite cologne, a robe, and a note saying to come to bed when I was done. My next sight was a candle lit room, with soft music, and my wife waiting for me. My wife’s body isn’t fully recovered yet, she isn’t as thin as she was before, ye t we gently and romantically enjoyed one of the best nights of our marriage. So I thought… The next day, we slept in, then went to the mall, saw a romantic comedy (aka a chic flick), and had dinner at her favorite restaurant. When we got home, my wife took her shower, then I took mine. I was stunned when she was waiting for me in bed again. She said last night was amazing, she had missed it the past few months, and she couldn’t wait to bond with her husband again. There is not a husband alive who would not want to have been me this weekend. My wife and I can no longer have children, and may not have the marriage we initially planned. But not getting everything hoped for doesn’t mean we cannot cherish and enjoy everything we have been blessed with, especially each other. I’m flattered my wife sees me as her knight because of what I did through her illness. I don’t see it that way. I’m just an average man who promised "in sickness and in health" and meant it. One hundred supermodels could not drag me away from my wife. I’m the happiest man alive, who can’t wait to spend a fortune at the flower shop on my way home tomorrow. Some women may misunderstand what that means. They may think I’m just getting her flowers to reward her for having sex with me. They could not be more wrong. It’s deeper than that, yet simple at the same time. We love each other deeply–and we’re both acting like it. Warmly,Amy’s loving and grateful husband, Steve.