Mortified by Friend's Comment about FI and me

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think she said anything personal and don’t think she meant to be rude. I’m sure the stranger can care less. 

Post # 4
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm she is either unthinking and clumsy in what she says, or intentionally rude. That does come out like a backhanded compliment, you have a right to feel offended. The big question: did she mean to offend you or is she just socially awkward?

Post # 7
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

@36goldfish:  Since she is genuinely naive as to how it comes across, I would just gently take a moment to ask her not to mention that to people anymore, as you feel it’s personal and private.

Post # 8
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Let this be a lesson that you shouldn’t tell your private business regarding your relationship with friends! They will be much less forgiving of your SO than you are.

 

I would probably let it go unless it keeps happening. Then I’d tell her that you feel like she’s airing your dirty laundry.

 

Post # 10
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee

@36goldfish:  My advice?

  1. Let her know how you feel.
  2. Tell her that you’d like it if she kept your information to herself (in the future).
  3. Still be friends, but use far more discretion in confiding in her because now you know she cannot be trusted with your personal business. She broke that trust (twice), and even though that does not make her a bad person or friend, it does mean you should proceed with a touch more caution.

Post # 13
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

@36goldfish:  I guess kinda like I just did, but I’d choose my moment and tone (lighthearted tone in a moment where we’ve got like a good bonding vibe going on).

Post # 14
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee

@36goldfish: Because people can be so…capricious. I am incredibly reticent when it comes to trusting people since I have been burned by people I thought were genuine (and I have found this to be a necessary protective measure since I am inclined to to trust too easily). BUT I do cherish those that have shown themselves to be open-hearted, sincere, wonderful individuals.  

Take heart. They are out there. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@36goldfish:  I think your friend even stating ‘after all the things R has told me’ is a huge breach of confidence. It would have made your FI wonder what’s been discussed, and the stranger thinking that’s too much information to share with someone they’re meeting for the first time! There were so many other things she could have said as part of her introduction, like ‘this is [name] and [name], who are getting married this month!’

 

Post # 16
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It seems like it was not ill-intended but a bit clueless.  Could she have also been a bit buzzed?  Talk to her about it if you’d like and just let her know that while you know she meant well, it made you uncomfortable that she’d share personal details about your life with a stranger.

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