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What a good topic. For us, decisions about my career have been the most vexing. Poor fiance has put his desires on the back burner for SO long. I keep saying the next move is his, but then crappy economy and other obstacles are put in our way.
Someday, we'll get to move to the country and build a home, and I know it's absolutely distressing to him that it can't be right now... but we seriously are looking at what is best for us as a couple and a family and then putting faith in our abilities to make it happen.
Ours was also a move. We decided to try a move to a city that was new to both of us.
I'm sure harder decisions will come our way, but that was pretty tough. We both had to start over.
Our's was about how to be in a relationship. It would require one of us to leave our family and friends for the other side of the world and thousands of dollars in visa applications just to see if we would work. Our entire relationship had been long distance to this point. We eventually decided I would move to him because it was slightly easier for me to get a visa for his country. But it has been a lot of sacrifice on my part and I know when we move to the States is will be a lot of sacrifice on his part. With all the back and forth and many discussions we had, we realized we only ever wanted to go through these difficult decisions and moments with each other. We just had to make it work. It also helps that both of our families are incredible supportive and do everything they can to help make our decisions easier.
For us it was choosing our wedding date. We knew that the long engagement would be difficult and would change the rest of our plans (buying a house, starting a family) ... but in the end it was best for my career to take a long distance assignment, therefore putting off the wedding. Overall, I think it was the best decision -- although I am ready for the wedding!!
I would say our most difficult decision was when we decided to put our sick (cancer) cat/love of our lives down. That was a hard one- but it was a necessary one, and I'm happy we went through it together because we were both very supportive of one another before, during, and after.
Well, he essentially decided what career path to follow based on what would give him the most flexibility, so that he'd be able to move around the country with me when the time came. I'd say that was a pretty big decision. (Ironically it now seems very unlikely that I'll be getting the job I've spent so much time preparing for, but I know I'm not the only one in that situation in this economy.)
What country to live in. Still a 'conversation' in process. It's like the conversation that never ends.
We have talked about whether to have kids... we're both in a place where we're not sure whether we want to have them or not... I guess we both assume that at some point about five years down the road, we'll be like, "let's have a baby!" For me, I feel kind of uneasy about getting married not knowing that we'll both be on the same page when the time comes. But we're both on the same page now, and neither one of us knows for sure how we'll feel in five years. So it's kind of an ongoing conversation, but it's so huge that it really does weigh on my mind from time to time.
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Ours was deciding to move. He recently got a job offer with the government in Alabama (which is a big change for a Yank like me). Everyone is going to stare at me and laugh for not having a accent.
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Ours now is regarding where to send my son to school. We have a few changing life events right now regarding my son. He's 100 percent supportive, loves him, and we are trying to move him to a new school within a year..closer to where we'll be living, and help transition him there. It's an awesome school..more sports, and one where he'll have chapel 1xweek and other great extracirricular activities too.
I'm also considering a move from where I am now (work wise) back to private practice so I can do my thing and not deal with holidays, on call, and be much closer to my son's school, and of course to where T and I will be living..(and of course my son too!)
We had to decide whether we should legally marry before our wedding. We moved last summer to take advantage of a job opportunity for him and it meant leaving a very secure job for me. We opted to go to the courthouse to allow me to take advantage of his health insurance. It was a decision that really upset my family. However, it was the right decision for us and now everyone is looking forward to our formal July wedding.
Moving in together was a huuuge decision we had to make. We've had a long distance relationship (luckily in the same country, but different states) and it just kept getting harder. We talked a little about it, but finally my fiance brought it up and he was serious about it. We still talked about it for the next couple of months, weighing the pros and cons and risks (I was giving up a full tuition scholarship!) but eventually we decided I'd move in with him. I miss my family sometimes and kind of wish we could live back home together around them, but I know it's very hard for him to leave his family as well (neither parent speaks fluent English and his father has a disability), so for now, this is our best option and I don't regret it. We brought it up again about maybe moving back together since I"ll be losing my job soon, but I don't think the time is quite right yet.
Ours was also a move. Actually what happened is he got offered his dream job, oh and by the way, needed to decide within a week which city cross country he wanted to move. Because he is made for this job, I told him I'd go with him whereever (plus I recently got laid off and finding a job somewhere else is about as easy as finding a job where we are now). We made tons of pros and cons list and are now moving from the East Coast to the West Coast. Yikes!
oh my goodness, I have the exact situation as aloweha, I live in the States, my fiance lives in England, we met two years ago in Times square on his last day of travelling, we've been seeing each other every two to 3 months and now finalized we want to get married this year. It's been a challenge because of where to settle down, US or England or another country? he loves the beach and hates NYC, on top of that I need to keep my job as a doctor, I can go anywhere he wants so long as I stay a doctor, he can come here so long as its bright and sunny beach weather. I finally got my paperwork I submitted it took me 7 months to get everything from every single old boss, no easy feat if you worked in over 20 hospitals. On top of that I am turning 39 and really need to start having kids or I will have more and more difficulty plus it takes 3 to 6 months to petition. I have lived in NYC for 4 years and its wearing me down especially after we vacationed in Antigua I can see his point about a sunny lifestyle, I am ok with moving, I have lived in two countries before (US and Philippines), He said at the most he live in the US 2 years in NYC he is really not into the urban lifestyle, if he told me two years ago uit would not have worked , but I think I have done everything I wanted in NYC and I can move on.
So now we are deciding, NYC or Liverpool or Florida where its bright I can still be in the same country, he can have the beachlife. we are thinking of getting married September, he petitions me I move there and work part time in the meantime so we can see each other, every month instead of every 2 to 3 months. I can get any type of job til my papers for a doctor get processed because its taking too long.
On top of that we are both Catholic and need a pre-cana 6 weeks before, no small feat when you live in two countries, plus we have to register 6 months before and it's now 5 months before our set date.
On top of that my parish church I had my heart set on is painted til September 12 and we want to get marred as early as September, I cant do last two weekends because I have to arrange my schedule around my colleagues who are all Jewish and wont let me take time off for their holidays.
Many challenges. Funny thing is we found each other and we are in love and made it work despite two years of being apart, and we both know we want to be with each other but there are all these obstacles keeping us from being with each other.
Our biggest decision was where to buy a house. We work in different counties (in So Cal) and our condo was 5 minutes from his work and almost an hour from my work. We finally decided to move to Corona, which now puts him about 35 minutes from work and me about 45 minutes from work. It is also right between our two families. What made this decision even harder was his family. They did not like us moving further away from them (and closer to my parents) and acutally offered us $30K in an interest free loan to stay in Orange County. Luckily my husband knew this would upset me and let his parents know that we wanted to do this on our own and that we would buy in an area that was best for both of us. So we did, we have been in our new home in Corona for 1 month now and we love it! My parents are happy because now I'm 45 minutes away instead of 1 1/2 hours away, and his parents seem to understand that they are now also 45 minutes away, so all is fair.
Next decision -- kids... It think I'm going off BC next month...
Having our daughter was the biggest so far and probably will be the biggest ever. But, we're also in the process of deciding where/when to buy a vacation home and deciding if I should start my own business. Yay!
You could just paraphrase aloweha's response for us. Except we're moving to the US first so that I can get more work experience. Deciding which country has been so incredibly tough and our families/friends have almost made it seem like one side is winning and one side is losing. arg. :(
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My Fi's career/location decisions. He's a physician and last year applied to residency programs (which last 5 years). You sort of have very little control over where you end up and need to strategically rank your programs. There were certain programs that he really liked but that would have been hard for me to move to (ie, a potential move from Boston to the middle of nowhere midwest....) I basically had to be prepared to move cities, leave my friends, and take another state bar exam (the exam that allows you to practice as an attorney). We got through it by communication and trying to be openminded and considerate of each others feelings. It all worked out because we stayed in Boston, but it was a rough few months!
Wait until marriage for sex!
Though, he might not agree that it is the most difficult decision. I think it is.
@MissAsB - you should prepare to hear "You ain't from around here are ya?" a few times a week. :) I grew up there and apparently lost my accent so even I get that question when I'm home!
Our toughest decision has been in regards to parental care. My FMIL has a form of dementia and now requires nursing care. I can relate to the SITC episodes with Miranda taking care of Steve's mom. We as a couple have had to really sit down and talk through where the lines are with caring for our aging parents. At what point care facilities are a requirement, and where those facilities need to be (we live in a different state from our parents). It's been hard, but thankfully we are on the same page which will make things alot easier in the future.
Ours was a move as well. FH couldn't find a decent job in MI after graduation, I hated my job, and we were both willing to relocate, so he expanded his job search. After offers in Cali, AZ, St. Louis and FL, we decided the job/area was best in FL. Now after being in Central FL for about a year and half.. we hate it. For those that love living in Central FL - I just don't get it. We hate it and can't wait to move, and hopefully that move will be back to MI or somewhere else in the Mid-West.
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deciding where to have the wedding (2 options: here where we live OR in my hometown... after much discussion, we decided the last) and waiting until marriage to have sex...
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My fiancee and I haven't hit any MAJOR life obstacles together yet that I can think of, but we have a few on the horizon. I wondered, what's the most difficult decision you and your husband/FH have had to m ake so far, and how did you come to it?