(Closed) Mostly a vent…wedding date and guest list related [very, very long]

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: When would you get married if you had the same situation
    Take a chance, stick it to the MAN (aka parents), get married on original date in May 2011 : (9 votes)
    38 %
    Take a lesser chance, be a bit more wise, get married in August 2011 : (6 votes)
    25 %
    Take no chance and wait until he graduates, has a full time job, and we've been engaged for 3+ years : (5 votes)
    21 %
    Other--what a sucky situation to be in! : (4 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think planning a small party for just your closest family friends is great and would make the overall wedding cheaper.  You mentioned being able to get married outside the church with a catholic preist, when we were looking for ceremony venues I found several really nice restatraunts that had outside areas that we could have used as our ceremony area.  If you could find a place like that near you it might help keep costs down.  I really think you should stop letting his parents make you feel like if you can’t afford a large wedding then you shouldn’t get married.  That is their expectation, not yours.  A small intimate wedding would be very nice and a great way to share it with the people you are closest to.  As for FB friends the easiest way would be to stop posting all together anything wedding related on FB.  People who have already asked ot be invited but you already know they wont make the guest list cuts just tell them nicely that while you would love to invite them that you are only able to host a small wedding and ask for their presence in prayer and spirit.  Good luck!!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’d actually disagree with the Facebook advice.  I’m not all over FB about my wedding, but people know I’m getting married. And if a friend from high school, college, or coworker from two jobs ago thinks being a FB friend means they’re invited to me wedding, well…

    Anyway, I also think a small, intimate wedding could be done within your budget in your time frame.  You’re always going to have expenses pop up, so if you really want to marry him, how about just doing it quickly and inexpensively, so you don’t feel guilty about the money.  Do you belong to a church that you can use for the wedding, or would you need to rent one out?  Talk to your priest about the financial issues, and maybe they can make you a deal on the price.  You still don’t have a have a large wedding even if you get married in a church.

    Just curious though, are your parents refusing to help?  I’m 30 and if I turned down my parents offer to host my wedding, they’d be devestated.  Just wanted to make sure that wasn’t the case for you.

    Post # 6
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @beekiss2: I’m sure if you talk to your priest he will understand that you can only afford a small ceremony, if not is there another priest in your church that you would want to marry y’all?  I would think he of all people would understand that a wedding is about the two people getting married and not the amount of people there to watch.  Go for the small wedding and be joyfull that you two are married and then later when you have the time and money plan an event where you can shout to the world that y’all are married:)

    Post # 7
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    beekiss2, can I ask how old you both are? You seem very mature and from what I’ve read, really have it together no matter your age. You mentioned that you would tell later why you can’t ask your parents for help but I didn’t read anything about that… is it possible for both sets of parents to contribute $1,000 each? That would double your budget.

    Also, another thought is to have a backyard BBQ reception in the spring. Picture mason jars of wild flowers, candles everywhere and potluck for the sides. This could solve both the financial issues as well as the limited guest list. If parents can’t pitch in, maybe they could both help cook and purchase the main course (meat) for the wedding. Gather all the on-sale little white lights at post-christmas sales you can get your hands on and light the sky with twinkling lights. Play some music on the iPod, light a bonfire and dance the night away. Even with $2,000 you can accomplish a lot with an event like this…  

    I really wish you the best. You sound so sad. This is supposed to be a happy time for you, and if it can’t seem to get there, wait. You don’t have to be in a hurry. It will happen, just maybe nit right now. I’ll be saying some prayers for you both.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee

    You are still going to have these issues if you wait 3 years. We saved for our wedding (for a little over a year, but both are working full time) and are extending an invite to some of our parents friends, but we had to eventually just tell them that “this is what we can afford” and cut some people that we/they would like to be there. So, whether you can invite 3 or 30 or 300, there are still people that will get cut, so I wouldn’t worry what your fiance’s family thinks too much with regards to that.

    Still, I voted to wait until August. I just always think of the worst case scenario and would want to be on the best possible financial footing and it sounds like it’s a bit unknown at this point what your finances will be like at that time, so I would wait to see what happens once you enter the workforce. Planning for August would still leave you some wiggle room to change things if your budget increases or decreases.

    Post # 13
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I live in Missouri and know your kind of weather… so can you do June… mid to late June? Outdoors would be the least expensive and a backyard is always a good time. That’s what you’re looking for right? Someplace that’s:

    1. Cheap

    2. Allows you to invite a ton of people

    3. Pretty and relaxed

    4. Cheap

    🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee

    Wedding invites can be sent out 6 weeks prior (and especially if you don’t do something as formal and have to give a caterer a headcount far in advance – you could probably get away with even shorter notice, especially if you are only inviting immediate family), so I would wait until April when you begin working, figure out a budget, and if you feel comfortable planning for an August date, shoot for that. Hopefully you’ll know 6 weeks from your date if that’s possible or not.

    I like macgal’s idea for the BBQ though, too. It sounds so fun.

    And, being Catholic as well, I was unemployed for a few months right after our engagement and was concerned about benefits and we thought about going to the court house just so I could be on his. The church can do a validation ceremony if you have been civily married previously. It wasn’t the ideal solution for us, but we considered it as an option if we absolutely needed it.

    Post # 16
    Member
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I’m so sorry, what a stressful situation to be in! It sounds to me that what is important to you is the marriage and not the wedding so much. I mean obviously you would like a nice wedding, but you’re realistic. It’s very hard bearing the weight of other people’s unrealistic expectations. If his parents are not helping out at all … I’m sorry, it’s absolutely none of their business if you invite 3 people or 300. How absurd to say if you can’t afford to invite X number of people, you have no business getting married! That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

    Please try to ignore them as much as you can, and do what is best for yourself and your fiance. I know it is hard to filter out other people in cases like this.

    Praying for you. ((hugs))

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