- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So my brother and I are not super close, but we are the only siblings we have. He is 3 years younger than me and I admit and am well aware that I was not always the nicest older sister because sometimes younger brothers are annoying. And as you get older you realize these things. He dropped out of college and was on and off depression meds a few times and I know there are some things in his life that he struggles with dealing with, my parents and their opinions among them.
That said, we are long past the bickering in the backseat of the family car days and share interest in sports and politics and still spend a lot of family time together. He even moved in with me at my house a little over 2 years ago. He switched jobs and it was near where I lived and worked so when he asked I welcomed it. We had rent and things worked out and then the electricity bill went crazy because of his tv and internet gaming habits. I vocalized that it was tough for me to cover the extra cost but he just made excuses.
My job situation changed to where it was actually a help to me to have him there and help watch the house and my pets when I would be gone for days at a time and of course help with the bills. So now when I would ask him to please help with extra bills caused by him or evento simply pick up after himself he would threaten to move out which I really could not afford. He started being this way after he started dating his girlfriend about 10 months into us living together. Prior to that he would make dinner if I worked late and vice versa and it was really nice getting to know my brother as an adult.
Anyway, when my fiance moved to the area and moved in about a year ago I was not going to simply “kick my brother out.” We figured we would just let him know that by the time we were married we would like to have the place to ourselves. Things got worse with how my brother treated me and my fiance and I leaned on my parents for support and they seemed to think he was depressed and jealous of me for having a house, good education, job and getting married and that I should just bear with it if I can. It all came to a head in March on a day his girlfriend was eating dinner over. He and I had a screaming match at eachother,and he said some really hurtful things basically because he knew they would cut me to the core. My fiance stayed out of it and his gf tried to make comments about things she knows nothing about. He moved out within a week or.
Later, according to my dad- my brother apparently thought that I had sworn at her which I had not (I swore at him) so I sent her a long email explaining that there were issues with my brother and the relationship he has with me and my parents that she may not be aware of and that I was sorry she was a witness to our immaturity. I told her that I felt she was good for him because she made him branch out and do different activities and go to church etc but it seemed that he saved the best parts of himself for her and treated the rest of us like crap and we did not understand why. I wanted her to see that the wonderful person she always sees is not who we always see. I told her if she was going to be in our lives for awhile or possibly forever if they stayed together and got married that I did not want she and I to have a rocky relationship and wanted her to look at me and the rest of the family past the things he says which are not always correct and very skewed to his perspective. Anyway I never heard a word back from her and I have seen her a few times since like at Easter, and a few weekends at the family cottage this week.
She made a comment to my parents that she did not think she would be invited to the wedding. I told my mom that she was listed first on the invite bc etiquette is to put the woman first and of course she was invited. This was a few weeks ago when I had already gotten the reply card back that they were both coming. My dad jokingly asked me if she was invited yesterday and I said Yes and re iterated what I had told my mom before and added that you are supposed to invite the plus one of anyone in a serious relationship or marriage, and that some etiquette books specifically say not to write plus one or and guest because its Tacky. Mom said she didnt think so, people do it all the time blah blah blah that how the convo went. This was after my Bridal Shower yesterday and today I get an email from my mom earlyin the morning saying she didnt want to ask yesterday but wanted to know why my brothers girlfriend was not invited to the shower.
holy after the fact batman. So I told her that she is not really my friend so I didnt even think to invite her. It was just family and some of my moms friends and my friends. I did not actively intend to My mom wrote back that it is against the etiquette that I quoted and I said to snub her. hat I was “quoting” regarding the wedding itself, I had not read anything specifying that on the shower and I really didnt care because its supposed to be for people i want around me, who care about me and since my brother wasnt going to be there – I was not obligated to invite her. I also dont feel that I should have invited her because my opinion is she tolerates me since i am family but would not have wanted to buy a gift and fawn all over me at a party given in my honor. Mom said I needed to realize what a slap in the face that was to my brother….. now I have no idea if my brother OR his gf said anything to my mom or if this is just her being her. But I bring into the story the fact that I have my fiances sister reading a bible verse in the ceremony and wanted my brother to also read one. he has nothing against church, God or my wedding, he has even agreed to be an usher but for some reason he will not stand up and read a verse. My dad has told him a story about being in my uncles wedding when they didnt have a good relationship and being glad he did it because my uncle died young and it didnt budge my brother a bit. I have asked him twice, the most recent being this past Saturday in person and he answers the question with an avoidance nonchalant tone of “nope I just dont want to,”
SOOOO anyway I am so upset that he wont read for my wedding, it really hurts my feelings and as i said earlier, he knows my buttons and tries to say things that hurt me so I am afraid to even try and dig deeper with him about it, be vulnerable to what it means to me. You wonder why I want him to read if he is hurtful but family is family and you keep trying to make it work i guess. Going hand in hand with that is my mothers comment, that i should have invited a girl who has never responded to the letter I wrote or acknowledged it was sent or that she got it, and who does not make an effort to be my friend in any way to my bridal shower (which already passed so why didnt she say something before hand, cant do much about it now) yet apparently she is fine with him refusing to be part of the wedding in the way that I have asked him to. I dont really want him to be an usher, I have other people doing that, I wanted him to stand up with my fiances sister and read a bible verse.
🙁 anyway thanks for listening to me complain, just had to get it out.