Mother Butting Into Finances. Do you think we're good?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My two cents – by showing her your budget and explaining yourself, you are validating her opinion that she has a say in your finances. You are probably better off being vague, and shutting down the conversation. “Thanks for your concern, but we’ve been careful to create a budget that works for our needs. We’re good. Hey, how about (insert new topic here)?” And from now on stop talking to finances about her because she is going to see it as an invitation to meddle!

Post # 3
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My only question is this; is she helping pay for your wedding? In that case if she sees you making large purchases rather than saving for your big day, she may feel a little hurt and possibly used? I as a mother would probably be put off as well to be honest, in that circumstance. 

However, if you do not rely in any way, shape or form on mom and dad, and are completely independent; then it’s not really her business and you don’t need to explain yourself to her!

Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Unless you are 18 and living under her roof I ABSOLUTELY would not be showing my mother my finances. It’s none of her business at all, and she needs to start butting out. You are an adult, she has NO business putting her nose in your finances. Remind her that you have everything taken care of and you know how to budget your own money and don’t need any assistance.

Post # 5
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, I don’t think it’s her business and I’d kindly ask her to butt out. Not really. But I’d keep financial documents out of sight when she’s over and if she brings it up I’d say something like “Thanks for the advice. Did you hear that cousin Jenny got a new job? I hope…” Smile and redirect!!!

Second, the “savings” that you’re talking about – is that emergency savings? Retirement savings? Savings that are going to pay for these furtniture purchases? I would highly recommend a financial planner who can help make sure you’re on a good track financially for whatever your financial goals are (retirement, hosue, kids, vacations, furnishings, etc). Honestly, my husband and I don’t really buy new furniture, unless we really need it, because it isn’t really important to us and we’re still trying to pay off his student loans while savings aggressively for retirement. But we totally splurge on nice vacations, because those are important to us. It’s all a matter of priority. As long as you have a good emergency savings fund and are meeting your retirement savings goals, then I think it’s fine to invest in furniture!

Post # 6
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

WeddingBells2014:  I think you should stop discussing finances with your mother. Put your bills away and/or stop telling her what you are buying and what things cost. It’s none of her business (unless you go to her looking for money or have in the past – then she might be concerned for herself!).

Post # 7
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree, once you are an adult making your own money and living on your own your finances are no longer your parents business. Your mother should understand that it isn’t being “out of control” to purchase investment pieces that will last many years and that you will use everyday such as the bed, living room furniture etc-

Post # 8
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

How old are you?  My parents stopped worrying about my finances when I turned 18.  As an adult, they trusted me to manage my own affairs or dig my own grave.  Tell your mom to butt out, she’s being ridiculous.  You don’t have to justify spending one cent to her.

Post # 9
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Have you guys been asking for money or help or anything?  If no, I never would have shown her anything.  She is way out of line and you are validating her.

Post # 11
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

WeddingBells2014:  Maybe you just need to tell her that YOUR finances are no longer up for general discussion and that you will consult her if you have questions or concerns. Until then, “momma, shut yer yap!”

Happy Mother’s Day 2014!

Post # 12
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

WeddingBells2014:  Since you are a grown woman I guess I don’t really understand why you feel you need to justify your personal financial situation to anyone…including your own mother. Showing her your budget is only making things worse since it gives her the impression that she has a right to see it in the first place. Refuse to discuss your finances with her at all…ever. If she brings it up act as if you never heard it and carry on talking about something completely unrelated. Maybe one day she will get the picture but if not then continue to ignore, ignore, ignore her if she brings up the topic.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  sillysillybee.
Post # 13
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

WeddingBells2014: Why is she stopping by unannounced? Boundaries are healthy!

Post # 14
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

WeddingBells2014:  “Mom, thank you so much for being concerned about my wellbeing. Please trust me when I say that my finances are in great shape and that you shouldn’t continue worrying about it. I now make financial decisions with FI, so I won’t be including you in my financial decision making anymore. I think you should know that it makes me uncomfortable when you comment negatively about my recent purchases and I would appreciate it if you stopped. I hope you understand and respect this is a step I need to take as an adult. I love you very much and thank you for teaching me to use my money wisely. FI and I are doing great.”

Post # 15
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You need to get a desk with a lockable drawer.  When you aren’t working on your finances, everything connected with them – including your calendar – needs to go into this drawer and it to be locked.

You are over 21, you and your FI’s finances are no longer any of her business.   If she insists, you say exactly that.  If she continues to insist, you walk away, or if she is in your home, you ask her to leave.

You really shouldn’t be showing her your budget, if you don’t want her all up in your financial business. It’s very counterproductive. 

My FI overshares his financial situation with his parents.  Drives me mad, and it’s about the only thing we really fight over.  

What does your FI think of all this?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Baal.
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