- 6 years ago
So I am sure this is nothing new… just very frustrating to me.
We are planning our wedding for next August. We are trying to stay under 10k for the whole thing. Which is difficult obviously. I would far rather put money on a house but there seems to be no stopping this machine.
The problem comes from … my … Mother. She is very very competitive against my father (diviorced for 35 years) and very socially driven. The wedding will also be 3 days after her 70th birthday. So she has put herself under enormous pressure to make this be a great showing for her.
I have limited my Dad and Stepmoms list to 15. I told my Mother she also got 15. This was unacceptable for her. She was now going to have to uninvite all of her friends that she already told about the wedding. I explained that we are paying for this whole thing oursleves and we simply don’t have the money to feed and the entire town.
She insisted that she went to her friends daughters showers and weddings and now it was their turn to return the favor! I asked if she actually KNEW the daughters, and she responded enthusiastically “YES!” and I said “but I don’t know these women, I haven’t lived in that town for 22 years.” I gave her 15 invites… and I won’t complain one ounce about who they go to… but her list is at 35!!!!
So now fast forward a bit, we moved the reception and switched caterers because the cost was getting out..of…control… So that is great news for Mother beause she now thinks she is entitled to more guests, RIGHT!! I again reitterated that the point was to SAVE money… not invite more people. And STILL I DON’T KNOW THESE PEOPLE. Why am I paying for them to attend my Wedding??? And even, weirder… why are complete strangers buying me gifts?? I find it all very very wierd. 15… she gets 15. If after 15 I don’t know them, I don’t want them at my wedding!!!
So after much tusseling about the fact that I don’t know these women and my fiance doesn’t know these women…Mother decides to throw us an Engagement Party… so we can meet them… and in MY mind… be obligated to then invite them to the wedding. Because I would be EVEN MORE HORRIBLE if I let some women throw an engagement party for me but then didn’t invite them to the wedding… right??
I get it that she has some tit-for-tat thing where she has to show off in front of my Dad. I get it that she has some “I pay for your daughter now it is time for you to pay for my daughter” social score keeping going on. I get it that it is her 70th birthday that I am highjacking… But at what point is this wedding about Mr and Mrs Chacha… and not my mother and her scorecard and her party for her girl friends???