- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I got married a month ago. My relationship with my parents is distant at best, emotionally draining at worst. However, they actually started to warm up to FI after we got engaged and started planning, and helped pay for about 1/2 of the wedding. My mother is very busy with 2 teen daughters and a full-time job, so she was not able to help with a lot of the planning, but honestly, it would have ended in a lot of turmoil and fighting between us if she had tried. She is very hard to work with and very opinionated.
However, the wedding went well, they seemed to enjoy it, my siblings were all part of the ceremony in some way, and we planned a special parent support part of our ceremony to include them. My dad even softened up a tiny bit and showed a little emotion, which is highly unusual for him.
I usually talk to my mother about once a week, since she lives 2 hrs away. The first time she called me after the honeymoon, she told me that she had been snubbed by MIL and made to feel that she was irrelavant. She has been jealous of how close am I to MIL since I started dating FI, but the honest truth is that MIL is just a much nicer person and easy to be around! She is not judgemental, she is agreeable, she is considerate, and loves doing things for others.
This week, my mother told me that the wedding was nice, but that she didn’t feel it was “her daughter’s wedding” because she felt MIL had “taken over” the decorating, rehearsal dinner, and directing the wedding on the day of. Please NOTE: my mother has no actual desire to be in charge of any of those things. I would have thought she would be thankful and appreciative of MIL’s willingness to do it without her help. We also had 2 SIL’s helping as well, and the rest of the BM’s and GM.
She actually complained because MIL did not tell her what to do to help! I was like, MOM, you could have just STARTED DOING ANYTHING… what did you want from her? Why is my mother, a grown-ass woman, not able to see what needs to be done and do it, all the while making friendly conversation? She was standoffish and uncomforable, and barely talked to anyone but my father. She is incapable of being polite and friendly, and then blames everyone else for not treating her like their best friend!
Yesterday, I called her and gave her the link to my wedding photos online. She said NOTHING about them until I called her and even then, I was the one who had to bring it up… “So, Mom, did you get to look at the wedding photos?”
“Yeah, I saw them.” Silence.
“So… uh, what did you think???”
“They were nice. I didn’t like how the photographer set up the gallery, it took too long to see all of them.”
Then, she went on to say that she was upset that we did not have any getting ready photos of me with her, since there were LOTS of shots of MIL, FIL, and the SIL’s getting ready.
You want to know WHY, bees??? Because she REFUSED to get ready with everyone else. She was a complete diva about it, saying that she HAD to get ready at her hotel, not at the cabins where the bridal parts would be, and where the in-laws had stayed over the weekend. They didn’t rent a cabin, and stayed at a hotel 20 mintues away, because they thought that it would be cheaper (it wasn’t in the end). She didn’t want to get ready around other people, because she doesn’t want ANYONE to see her not made-up and doesn’t want people in her way.
Then, she tried to blame me for that, saying “but once I got ready, I called you like, 10 times, and you didn’t pick up your phone! I wanted to know if I could come down and get photos with you.”
Well, I was a little busy, I don’t know… spending time with people who WANTED to be there, talking to the photographers, getting myself and my sisters ready (since she wasn’t there to help), and doing the “first look”.
Then, after we were all pretty much ready for the first look, she sent my brother down to ask me if I wanted her there for photos. I assumed she meant family photos, which I had moved to after the ceremony. So I said no. Apparently, she was LITERALLY standing outside the door with my brother and heard me say no.
I was like, “WTF? Why didn’t you just COME IN and see how we were doing??? I EXPLICITLY invited and BEGGED you to get ready with us, and you refused, why would I not want you there???”
Then she got mad at me and said “Well, I’m SOOOOO SORRY, I guess everything is just my fault and I’m a asshole!”
Bees, all I wanted was for her to CALL ME and say, “Blackberry, the photos look great! It was so fun looking at them, and you and your sisters look beautiful!”
And she doesn’t get why I can’t be close to her :-/