Post # 1
i have a tricky situation. I am not close with my mom, when I finished college, I moved away and never looked back. My mom is super religious, and while I believe the same things, she is just so crazy and over the top about it. The thing is I live with FI and we have lives together for 5 years…in those 5 years, I haven’t seen her, nor has he met her. Ackward…so she is coming today, 2 and a half months before the wedding seemingly to smooth things out or try to get me to call off the wedding bc be doesn’t share her religious beliefs.
I just would like it to go nice and smooth, but I am freaking out! Every word out of her mouth relates back to her religion and how good of a Christian she is (coming from a person who has been divorced bc she had quickie marriages 3 times).
I feel like she is in no place to judge me regarding me living with the man I love and marrying…they will meet tomorrow, if it goes well today. That is another fiasco.
I guess I just need some encouragement today, I am feeling very nervous.
Post # 3
Hi there. I’m a MOB. I think you should set boundaries with Mom very quickly when she comes over. If she is there to smooth things over and open a door to a relationship then be welcoming of that (with boundaries).
If she starts in about religion (and I’m a Christian myself) tell her that you know her feelings, you have your own views and religious discussions are not on the table. Tell her you are glad to see her, you want her to meet your FI, but you are NOT going to get into any religious talks with her. It may have to be an agree to disagree thing.
This is the time you need to set your boundaries with her firmly. NOTHING irritates me more than holier than thou Christians who want to tell you how wonderfully and holy they live their lives and judge the heck out of yours. It is what give Christianity a bad rap.
Don’t be nervous! You are grown woman with a life of your own. Set your boundaries and hope for a nice day with her. If she won’t abide by your boundaries end the meeting. It’s like Dr. Phil says, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
I hope you come back later and let us know how it went. Remember, you are in charge here – you can sit through an awful, judgement filled day with her (if that is how it goes) or you can say, “Mom, I’m sorry but this isn’t working and you need to leave.”
Post # 4
@hermom: you literally hit the nail right on the head, thanks so much!! she is exactly a holier than thou Christian…I love a God who accepts me for me, doesn’t judge anyone, and lets me make my own decisions. with her, it is ever way or the highway…nothing else.
Post # 5
@hermom: +1000000. I hate holier than thou Christians!!! What happened to God is the only one who can judge us? It gives us (the cool Christians lol) a bad rap.
Post # 6
I am REALLY looking forward to an update!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@MrsRodriguez: Aww, I would be nervous too. I’m sorry you and your mom have a not-wonderful relationship. Sounds like your mom does not have a good grip on reality (and is a hypocrite, but that’s another thing…).
Be strong and do not let her influence you. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Post # 8
I can very much relate to what you are saying! I don’t have all of the answers, but honestly, try not to listen to a word she says. Try not to care what anyone thinks. It is so much easier said than done and it is natural to look to parents for approval, if not just want them to be supportive, if not just want them to zip it! But she probably won’t. That is really my only advice. When someone who has no right to speak (especially) is judging you, you just can’t win. People in glass houses throwing stones is irrational, so best not to let their opinions matter to you if possible! You can’t please people who are judging you for something they can’t please themselves with/ have not even accomplished. Some people- you just can’t please.
ETA: Setting boundaries is good, but would never work for me dealing with someone in MY family. They like to fight, so if I, in a mature way, explained what is off topic to discuss, they would purposely push those buttons. It depends what kind of person/ how much craziness you are dealing with!