Post # 1
OK, so I am reaching out to any of the bees out there that have had to deal with a pushy, overbearing, controlling mother in law?! The wedding is in a few months and I dunno if we are both going to make it! My fiance is wonderful, so nice and very un-like his mother. He has tried to help with the situation but cannot seem to stand up to her. Here are a few of the things she has done so far:
*tried booking things such as the hotel block without consulting us
*told her whole office about how I didnt ask his sister to be a bridesmaid and how awful that is. (My fiance does not care for his sister one bit, and either do i, and he made the choice not to have her in the wedding party)
*his family offered to pay the bar bill, and she asked me what the policy was (the time to pay has come) if we break up before the wedding?! (note; my parents have already paid much more then this and have never questioned if the wedding will happen or not IT WILL). Or if one of us had an accident and was too injured to get married that day. (im sorta thinking if that was the case we would be more worried about the person then the money…” So she said she was willing to give us $1000 of it now, then the rest before the wedding. So apparentlythe most she is willing to loose is $1000.
*shows off every chance she gets, including constantly talking about her daughter and herself..their outfits/accesories/ etc for wedding. Also talks about how pretty her daughter will be on wedding day..as im standing showing them my wedding dress.
*has offered to pay for multiple items for the wedding..then takes it back
I know that she means well, but there is a whole list of other things. She is constantly telling me what to do/where to go/what is best. To the point where I am so stressed by her behavior that it is making my engagement no longer fun. Does anyone have any advice from their own experiences?! I am at my wits end..and there is still time! She texts or calls multiple times a day which i try to ignore most of them. HELP! we are considering a sit-down but will that make it 10 times worse?
Post # 3
@amryan86: Yikes! Im so sorry 🙁 My MIL was very difficult and controlling throughout our engagement. We ended up having a premartial session specifically about how to deal with her because it was driving us apart. The key was setting boundaries. My MIL wanted to take over the planning of our entire wedding. In the end many aspects of our wedding were planned by her (decorations) and I was very bothered by it but have since moved on since that didnt matter. Try talking to your FI to see if he can talk to her about what is going on. Good luck! The good news is now that the wedding is over my MIL is back to normal!
Post # 4
@amryan86:I suggest that you become “really busy” and unable to return her phone calls to listen to her complain. I would try to avoid her, you really don’t want to make things uncomfortable with him and his parents.
Post # 5
My sisters have told me to stay away, which i tried to do. My FI lives with his parents, so i have to go over there sometimes but kept it to pickup/dropoffs and he would just hang out at my house. I ignore texts/calls but she will leave 17 messages/texts! And if i dont respond she takes it upon herself to just plan anyways regardless of what we want.
I tried giving her projects to do. She planned the rehersal dinner, once that was done i gave her enagement pics and she did a photobook with that. The problem is she gets so nuts with it, that she completes tasks that normal adults with a 40 hr per week job would take weeks doing in no time! I think that maybe having my FI talk to her is a good idea, did any of you try talking to to the mom? or just were able to get thru it with a smile? (my smile is fading quickly!)
Post # 6
I am so sorry to hear about all of that. I think it’s aweful that you have to endure all of that, especially since this is supposed to be a fun time for you, and the most important day of your life. Have you talked to your parents about the situation? If so, what do they think? If I were you, I would have them step in and tell her to back off. I agree with Soladylike, I would just lay low, and stay away and don’t tell her about anything that you are doing.
Post # 7
ouah! my is good, but somethngs he puts my fiance in the middle of the two of us. she wants to do things because he’s the only son, but then i said yes honey, but this is my only wedding! arrgg……… this shit is going to drive me nut! i like her a lot, but she wants things that one i cant afford and i’m not going to ask her to pay for, two that other people did (which i dont care) three, she forgets that my mom is alive and so is father! she even wants my fiance to talk about ppl who had died in our wedding! oh if that’s the case, i do have a list of my family members who are dearly missed! but i’m taking it one day at a time! just breath girl breath!