Post # 1
My FI is from a ruarl area and my family is from the city. That being said, I understand there is going to be some differnce in lifestyles and that is fine. But it began when we were talking about what we were registering for, and of course one of those things was formal china. My family puts alot of store in nice things and we have a traditional dinner every holiday and birthday and use the nice china. She has expressed before that she thinks china is a waste of money and thinks we could use that money toward our house.
Except a registry item is a gift and even f I didnt reister for china, which comes in a box set of 8 place settings for 150 on sale, so not extravigant, I would not have the 150 dollars because it is not my money. My aunt decided to purchase this china as a gift for us, and if she had wanted to give us $150 instead, that would also be a nice gift, but I cannot call her and say give me money as a gift because that is more practical. A person will give wahtever gift they want. And just because something is on the registry does not mean it MUST be purchsed either.
This wouldnt be so bad on its own. However, she states to me and FI that she was going to put our wedding announcment in the local paper, and since it is going to cost about $200 to 250, this is going to be our engagement gift.
FIRST OF ALL, this is more money than the china
2. Most ppl who will see it will not care
3. It will be thrown out the next day
4. The china I will have for the rest of my life.
Its one thing for her to say that the china is not practical, but to spend more money on something that is less practical is apparenlty ok. I only know that she hates the china, because she called her son to talk about me behind my back and how the china is a waste of money.
ONCE AGAIN, ITS NOT OUR MONEY AND I CANNOT TELL PPL HOW TO SPEND THEIR’S.
Am I headed for future dissaster with this woman?
Post # 3
Future disaster? Nah.
Typical mother in law situation? Perhaps.
But just like you said – you can’t tell people how to spend their money, and if she wants to spend it on an announcement in the paper, well, I guess that’s what it’ll be.
Try not to let her bother you. Focus on your future husband and your new lives together 🙂
Post # 4
Just let her waste her money! And make sure in the future you ALWAYS give her something practical, no matter how mundane it may be!
Post # 5
Seriously? A waste of money?
I would sarcastically want to say, “You being at my wedding is going to be a waste.”
Of course you must be diplomatic and refrain from saying such a hurtful thing because then it would lead to future disaster.
However, this is simply a situation of not seeing eye-to-eye, she prefers one way and you another and that is alright. I would politely tell her that you do not wish to have faces in the newspaper, but let her know you appreciate her thought.
As for the china bit, no one can talk me out of my favorite china set…ever. Just remember though she is going to view it differently and that is alright, accept the difference in opinion and move on. If she brings it up again, smile and say, “I understand what you are trying to say, but I still want to put the china set down as a gift idea for someone else who shares my same idea. People will gift us what they think is approperiate and I am happy with that, thank you.”
Everything will turn out alright, it is fine.
Post # 6
She has aslo already critizied the fact that I want my maids to wear long dresses in our June wedding because it is going to be warm in June. Its a formal evening wedding and I want everyong to look formal. And as long as they dont wear heavy satin, they will be comfortable in the air conditioned room. FI agrees, and my mom said that she wants to wear a long gown too, so FMIL will be the only one in a cocktail dress appreantly … if thats even what she’ll wear.
I already said to FI that everytime she comes over we will eat off paper plates!!
Post # 7
She gets a potato peeler for Christmas, do you hear me?
Post # 8
why are FMIL’s so difficult about everything?!?!
do your own thing, its your wedding, not hers. im about ready to “kindly” explain to my FMIL that although i appreciate *cough cough* her input, she already had her wedding day and this wedding is for me and my FI.
just from my situation i felt like little things like this turned into bigger things as the planning went on. so i would politely start shutting her down now. that way she gets the hint now and doesnt get worse as time goes on.
Post # 9
With MILs you gotta let stuff like this slide off your back or you will forever be miserable. Mine is the same way. Its like dealing with an 8 year old at times. If things are getting extra crazy with her, I meet my friends for coffee and let the ‘bitch-fest’ begin…lol.
Post # 10
Sounds like you’re taking a cruise on the “RMS Mother-In-Law”. Don’t go down with the ship, lol! Best way to deal with this is to let her do whatever she wants to do, if she wants to take her money and flush it down the toilet in a trivial newspaper ad then so be it, don’t even let it bother you.
If she calls up and hounds you about the china, your new hubby should take the responsibility of controlling his own mother and should politely thank her for her feedback but no other “imput” is necessary, it is your china and your decision. ‘Nuff said.
One of my requirements for getting married was his mother could not torture or maim me in any way, or I was going to make sure he shared in on all that pain. 😀
Post # 11
You need you FI to put her in line!
Post # 12
Wow that would frustrate me so badly! Not only is she writing off a gift you actually want as a waste, she took money she could have spent on something you wanted/needed/cared about, and ACTUALLY wasted it. From reading your post, I feel like you don’t even want the newspaper announcement? So she’s using money she claims to want to spend on you and your FI to satisfy only her own wishes. That’s like the definition of selfish! A pseudo-gift indeed- she gets to boast about spending $200-$250 on you, when in reality she spent it on herself!