Post # 1
Ok. so my Fiance and I got into a huge argument almost calling everything off because he thinks that im being selfish for not including his mom in my wedding planning. For example, he was mad because I took my mother and my sister to go wedding dress shopping and not included his mom. My response to that was that i wanted to be between my mother,sister and I. My mother only has my sister and me and im her youngest child that is getting married. Us three went wedding dress shopping for my sister when she got married. I then told him that i know your mom doesnt mind because she already had her own daughter to share that with and two daughter in laws that she went wedding dress shopping with. Those two daughters moms were not available to go. FYI, i update her on what i have done. He also thinks that im setting them apart which i am not. Or that we spend more time with my family more than his. I told him that he shouldnt feel like that because everytime they have a gathering or party he is the one that says he doesnt want to go. So he is the one to blame. I cant force him to do anything.
I cant ask his mom to go with me to look for wedding stuff because i do all that stuff on the weekends since i work during the week and she works only on the weekends. Are schedules dont match up.
Everything that i have done, i have done alone for the exception of choosing the reception location and setting the church date (went with FI) and going dress shopping with mom and sister, and choosing florals.
So am i wrong or should i just let her help with a little something?
oh yeah, she is also planning a wedding shower…
Post # 3
Well if he’s upset about it I do think you should try to make an effort.
Go to some family functions. Say that you want to go even if he hems and haws. And then bring it up with her. Talk with her about what you’re doing and find something you can work on together.
Are you doing favors? Maybe you can get together one evening and work on them.
Bring your wedding book or inspiration pics with you and show her what your working on and maybe ask her opinion on a few things.
If you have pictures of the different dresses you tried and the one you picked, bring them and show and tell 🙂
I think you need to figure out whether his worry is because his mom is actually upset by this or if he’s just having freak outs for nothing.
Whatever it is I think the effort is worth it for all of your sanities.
Post # 4
Thanks for your reply..but now that you have mentioned it i have showed her the peices of my wedding. Like the dress, table overlays, colors. and not so long ago asked her to have some input on the church..
I just think he is blowing up since both of us are paying for the wedding.
Post # 5
Ummm… traditionally speaking, and I could be wrong, but usually it isn’t the groom’s mom involved with ANYTHING. It’s the bride’s parents, the mother especially, that is involved with the wedding planning. since it’s traditionally the BRIDE’S parents who pay for everything.
It sounds to me like his mom is complaining because she didn’t get to go with you since she got to go with everyone else.
For what it’s worth, I’m not involving either my mom OR his mom in our planning. 🙂
Post # 6
This sounds like the tip of a bigger issue. Have you tried to figure out if he is upset about something else?
Post # 7
I agree with @KoiKove: I understand he’s upset but maybe it’s something else, too? I would talk with him to be sure.
Personally, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong! Future Mother-In-Law and family are far from us, we both tell his family what’s going on and what’s happening with our wedding.. but that’s pretty much all we do.
Give her some little thing to help with, but you are not obligated to make her a larger part of the wedding planning than you are comfortable with. It would be worth the effort to make your FH feel better about it though if this is the only reason he’s upset.
Post # 8
@Zinzerena: Im guessing she feels kind of left out because she help with the others but i at least try to keep her in the loop.Dont get me wrong she is a very nice loving lady and she means well but im very particular so i rather do almost everything.
Im catholic and hispanic. My FH and I are paying for mostly everything for the exception of the traditional wedding sponsors that we need for the church.
Post # 9
@SimplyChic11: You are bringing up a good point. But as soon as we had our talk everything was fine after that. It just left a little resentment in me though.
Post # 10
@HappyBride1211: It’s understandable, especially since you’ve been trying to keep her in the loop. You could always check with the others who have gotten married and see if THEY had the same or similar issues. Who knows? Maybe she did the same with them and their guys!
We’re paying for our wedding ourselves and wouldn’t even accept any wedding-related help even if it was offered! WAY too many people would want too much changed and our wedding would end up not being us. At all.
And then there would be bodies to hide, loose ends to tie up… or, in the very least, a lot of angry relatives cause I’d end up flipping out and going postal on everyone 😉 (That was all said as a joke. I wasn’t serious in the least, except for the angry relatives, ’cause I’d totally end up telling everyone off and changing it at the last minute, lol).
Post # 11
@HappyBride1211: I could be wrong but it sounds like she has said one thing to you and one thing to him. I would say call and talk to her yourself and maybe figure out together what the 2 of you can do