Post # 1
My husband and I got marrieid on Saturday, it was a tiny ceremony and we all just went out to lunch after. At lunch my MIL asked what I was going to call her now; I’ve been calling her by her first name for three years now and I said I was probably just going to keep on calling her that. She specifially asked that I call her “Mom”, I tried to joke it off and make up some silly alternatives, but we never settled on anything.
She was staying with us, and I kind of avoided calling her anything. I have started to realize that it makes me REALLY uncomfortable to call her mom, she’s not my mom. I LOVE her ( sometimes like her more than my own mom) but the hubs mentioned that he thinks she really wants me to call her that. I have also never met my FIL, as the hubs has no relationship with him so that isn’t an issue.
She lives in anither state, so it’s not going to be something I have to deal with ALL THE TIME but I don’t know how to handle that. I’ve heard of nicknames but it just seems weird to me. Any help is seriously appreciated.
Post # 3
Just tell her that you do love her very much but you are not comfortable with calling her mom.
Post # 4
I would keep calling her by her first name. If she makes the request again, just be honest – say that you love her, but you’d rather use her name.
She might be hurt, but I think she’ll understand – do you know if she called her in-laws Mom and Dad?
Post # 5
You know I was wondering that too.. I don’t know if I would personanly be comforatble with that with my FMIL. I know for sure that my fiance would never call my Mom, “Mom”. I would say, go with what you are comfortable with.
Post # 6
I think it’s super sweet that she wants you to call her that and I totally would!
However if you are uncomfortable just keep calling her by her first name. She will get used to it. It was probably just a nice gesture on her part.
Post # 7
@khendyl: Calling one’s in-laws Mom and Dad used to be a very common thing, and still is in many cases.
While I was still dating and engaged to my now-DH, I called his parents by their first names. However, immediately after the wedding, I began calling them Mom and Dad, just as my DH immediately began calling my parents Mom and Dad. It means a great deal to our parents that we do this.
My DSD and her husband got married last fall, and, even before their wedding, they were calling each other’s parents mom and dad.
You know, and your MIL knows, that she is not YOUR mother. However, she is your DH’s mother, and you are now united as one in marriage. If you did decide to call her Mom, it may help you to think of it more as a title. I don’t know if that helps.
Post # 8
My FIL hugged me right after our ceremony and proudly announced “You can call me Daddy now!” I cringed…. although out of respect I call them Mom and Dad. Mommy and Daddy is specifically reserved for MY parents.
I grew up seeing my parents call their in laws mom and dad so I it wasn’t AS HARD for me to accept. Prior to marriage they were called “Aunt and Uncle.”
Post # 9
Is there a “mom” alternative you can come up with? Like you said, you won’t have to deal with this that much. Mostly I’d avoid calling her anything. But when you do need to call her something, I think you should avoid her first name now that she asked you to use something different.
How about “Ma” or “Mum”? Or “Ma Mere”?
Tough situation. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable, but I’d be hesitant to blatantly go against her wishes and continue to use her first name. Or I’d do it and if she said something, I’d be prepared to pretend like I was super forgetful.
Post # 10
Be honest with her. Tell her you aren’t comfortable with it, and would like to come up with an alternative with her. Make sure you stress it isn’t because you don’t love her, but that the term mom has a special, unique meaning for your own mom.
Post # 11
I think it’s very nice that she loves you and wants you to call her mom and that you love her, however I couldn’t ever call anyone mom except my own mother and I get where you are coming from. I would just tell your DH you love her but aren’t comfortable with it and call her by her name, if she mentions it again just say “X I love you and am so grateful that you love me and want me to call you mom, however I don’t feel comfortable calling you mom.”I mean she can’t make you call her that if you aren’t comfortable with it.
Post # 12
I agree that it is totally sweet and i ADORE her, she is the best ever! But I just can’t seem to do it without feeling weird. I’ll ask the hubs and see what his thoughts are on the issue, I appreciate everyone’s opinions! You’ve been quite helpful!
Post # 13
i dont like the idea of calling someone else mom (or mum rather, since im english). just gives me the heebie jeebies. just find it awkward and weird
i have a mother and i love her. i dont cnosider ‘mom’ to be a title only, its something used for the person who raised you
totally understand where OP is coming from
Post # 14
How about Mom <Insert last name>? My FIL said I could call him Papi <Last Name> and it works for me. I don’t call my dad ‘Papi’ so I didn’t mind that part, and the last name part makes extra sure it’s not like he’s my dad. What does your husband call his mom? If it’s something other than ‘mom’ maybe you could use that?
Post # 15
@newname_99: Me too.
As much as I love my in-laws, I only have one mum and one dad (Or any variant of those names!)
I’d tell her you’re honoured to have her as a MIL, but keep calling her by her name. GL!
Post # 16
In our culture, you call in laws as mom and dad. Maybe for her its a cultural thing as well