Mother In Law from hell

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The ball is in your husband’s court. he needs to put his Mom on notice that her behavior is unacceptable. You are his family now and you need to be his priority. “Mom, if you don’t start treating @BumbyBee:   politely, I will have to limit my contact with you. She is my wife and as such, deserves to be treated politely and with consideration.”

 

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BumbyBee:  If it was a phone call, absolutely he should have said something at the time.  He needs to cut her off right away and tell her she cannot talk that way.If an incident occurred in a public place, I can understand him wanting to wait for a more appropriate time and place.

He does need to “get a set”  and confront his Mom asap. He does not, howvever, need to tell her everything she has done wrong. If you ever had that happen to you as a kid, it doesn’t feel good.

He can simply tell his Mom they need to talk and  make his statement. If she denies her behavior or doesn’t know what he is talking about, he can be prepared with a couple of examples, then re-iterate his expectations for future behavior.

Post # 6
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with PP. This is going to be totally up to your husband.  He needs to stick up for you and make her understand that you’re his wife.  It sounds like she’s christian, so have him remind her of the “cleave unto thy wife” thing.  My husband had to have his mom step up off a few things too.  I had to tell him that his mom was doing x, and it was really bothering me, and asked him to mention it to her. He politely mentioned the behavior was bothering me, and she stopped!

I really hope things get better in that family, though. Best of luck! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@julies1949:  

+1. Awful in-laws should always be handled by their adult child, especially when it is a mother and a son.

My MIL is very thoughtful but sometimes she makes very rude and inappropriate comments.

I love the way my husband is very calm and respectful when he speaks to his mother about her behavior. She flies off the handle but at least my husband does his part.

 @BumbyBee: I am very sorry that your MIL is so cruel to you. Frown She sounds like she is having a hard time letting go; unfortunately that is very common

Post # 9
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This sounds like my sister’s MIL. Literally, the exact same kind of shit.

My advice to her has always been to stop expecting her husband to do anything about it, because he won’t, and then you’ll be upset with him instead of (or in addition to) the MIL. Now days she just refuses to go to her MIL’s house or really speak to her almost at all. It makes it a bit uncomfortable, but at least she is making the message loud and clear “Respect me, or stay away from me.”

Post # 11
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@BumbyBee:  Is your DH my FI’s brother??? This lady sounds exactly like my FMIL. Things have gotten slowly better over the three and a half years we’ve been together. But we also moved in together pretty quickly and I think that was what really triggered most of the issues. She was fine with me when her baby was still at home, but once I “stole” him away, I was the worst person ever. She would call EVERY DAY because she missed him. That has thankfully slowed. She calls maybe once a week or every couple of weeks. But the guilt about leaving hasn’t stopped. This has been one of our big issues too. I told FI that I hate going over there because I hate being made to feel guilty about leaving. It doesn’t matter how long we stay, it’s never enough!

But my advice is what PPs have said…this is your DH’s responsibility. If you try to deal with her yourself, you’ll just make her dislike you more. This needs to be coming from her previous baby so she knows it’s HIS feelings.  And hopefully your situation will get better with time like mine has.

Post # 13
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@BumbyBee:  If he truly sees what she’s doing wrong (and he should, and seems to based on your post), then he should say something to protect you. Maybe ask him what he would do if the situation were reversed…what if you were going over there and making snide remarks and such. Surely he would either say something then, or once you left he’d mention how rude it was. There’s no reason his mom should get away with treating his wife like this. As far as when to say something, that depends on her. My FI’s mom likes to play dumb. The rational thing to do would be to sit her down and have a calm heart to heart with her and let her know what she is doing is wrong and unacceptable. But my FI’s mom would say she had no clue what he was talking about. So with her, FI has had to say things as they were needed so she couldn’t deny what she was doing. But either way, it was his responsibility and he did it and things are better. Not perfect, but much much better.

Post # 14
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hi, Ok so there are two problems here apart from your MIL

1. Your behavior, please do not take offence from this but it sounds like you are trying too hard with her and being too nice, its so easy for her to be like that to you. You cant just expect your husband to sort it out it is your problem as well but I wouldn’t say anything as that will just give her reason to complain about you and make you look bad, you just have to be stronger and realise that she is the one that needs to be impressing you. It is very important that she gets this message as soon as possible, because if not and you have children one day you are in for some hell… take charge, be nice to her face but otherwise ignore her and don’t allow her behavior to affect you, she will soon stop doing it if she stops getting a reaction from you.

and

2. Your husbands behavior, your husband needs to tell her that she needs to start respecting you now as you are not going anywhere and he will have to cut down off contact with her if she cannot… him acting the way he is, is telling her that she can act however she wants towards you and nothing will come off it, the only person it will upset is you which is clearly her intention… the one thing she fears is losing her son, she needs to realise that her current actions could lead to this.

Post # 15
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BumbyBee:  Yep, she has to be the victim no matter what.

I would just have a talk with your husband and tell him to either speak to her about her shitty behavior, or expect you to stay away from her. If he can’t stand up for you, then you have to stand if for yourself. If he doesn’t understand that, then that is when the real problems will arise.

 

Post # 16
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Your husband really does need to protect you 🙁 you are supposed to be the #1 woman in his life now, not his mother.

Have you seen the movie “Monster in Law”? I’ve had similar in-law problems like you for a few years now, but after that movie 🙂 I grew a damn backbone! I had to be ruthless, sarcastic, and mean right back to the in-laws when my man wasn’t around, and two-faced when he was. Accidnetally spilling things on their carpet, back-handed compliments~ you really need to turn the table around. Now they think I’m a little crazy and evil lol so they back off 😉

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors