Post # 1
I will be married to the love of my life in 10 months. We’ve been together for 4 years… and that’s how long I’ve had to deal with his mother. Ever since we got engaged she’s been WORSE!!!!
Please share your stories and solutions if you have them!!!! I don’t understand why these women have to be like this..
Post # 3
1. What do you do when your FI needs a little stronger of a back bone?
His wonderful mother told him that she doesn’t approve of the wedding and she doesn’t approve of me. I thought that it was the father of the bride’s job to make the judgements on his little girls choice!!! ERRR
Post # 4
I had this problem with my ex husband. I had to put my then MIL in her place. The ex wouldn’t do it. I’d complain to him about her and nothing happened. He would complain to me about her and wouldn’t talk to her himself. That was the dynamic they had/have. I’m not the suffer silently type of gal so after I was fed up and realized he wasn’t going to stand up for me, I stood up for myself. I made it clear to her that I am Queen Bee in my home and when it comes to my home, my children, my family etc. things were going to be my way. I wasn’t disrespectful to her. I respect my elders. I just told her when she was overstepping her bounds and what her actual role was as opposed to what she thought it should be. Things were rough for a while. I guess she wasn’t used to anyone standing up to her. But she learned to respect me and my family and we eventually became good friends.
Post # 5
@2ndtime: Thank you. I’m the exact same way as you! I’ve been stompled on for awhile now and my FI has slowly gotten out from under them financially, but that has been a problem in the past. He’s such a good man and it’s hard for him to believe that his mother can be so awful, manipulative, having leverage, etc. She knows that he loves her and respects her and she takes advantage of that and it makes him a little weak when trying to confront her. He told me if she ever said anything offensive to say something back to her and not hold back. I go over there to see them with him only for him. The other day I tried to interact with his mother, show pictures of what we’ve gotten for the wedding…we get to the inviations and she wants to look at what we write on them before we send them out. She said she would like them to have the parents names on them and I told her that we actually weren’t doing that, that they weren’t that formal. (My parents are also going through a divorce and that would just be too weird) She said she couldn’t bite her tonge on this and said she’d feel offended if we didn’t put the names on it..I said well I’m sorry, we appreciate your feedback and will keep what you said in mind, but it is our wedding and we’re going to do what we think is best. His mother ends up throwning a tandrum and says that her family is not coming and that she doesn’t approve of the wedding or me. I left at that point letting Josh handle it but of course that would devistate him if they didn’t come and he pretty much begs them to change their minds. I think I handled it well, I didn’t want to be the one that caused the issue or in any way made my FI be mad at me, which he wasnt. Hopefully this will blow over since I drew the line. I don’t want to see them until this is fixed though. I think I better put a rush on that pre conseling before the wedding..thanks!
Post # 6
You are not alone 🙂
My MIL has always been an issue. We have been together 7 years and it got worse I would say the last year or so. It started when she would call me the ex-girlfriends name, saying it was nothing personal she was just use to her name. that was the first 2 years or so, along with other things. She is upset that we don’t live our lives the way she wants us to…aka we don’t have any kids yet. My husand mostly ignors her , he says its because it not worth trying to fight her cause she doesn’t listen. But when we got engaged he did start to push back a bit. And then it turned into she doesn’t like me cause I stole him away from her. I just let him know its not gonna fly with me anymore. I have no problem standing up for myself and him too. The whole engagement she was having issues, I invited her to things like my dress fittings and she didn’t show after she said she would come. The wedding was the last straw for me. She showed up late, and drunk. I was in the hotel lobby waiting to go out to the ceremony when she came up and said she invited hockey players to crash the reception, I had to tell her no 4 times before my sister stepped in. MIL got pissy and stormed off. She got mad and made a scene after the ceremony and family pics cause the photogs asked everyone to go to cocktail hour so we could get our pics done. Then she was a no show to cocktail hour (she was back at the hotel bar drinking). She showed up right before we were announced, but made sure to come over and start stuff with us first. All night she kept grabbing my husbands hand out of mine and then hug and hang on him and say “you still love me more than her right?” Then there were the bells she brought and constantly rang. Our mistake I guess to try and have a cute/funny RSVP that said we will be there with bells on. She left early too, whatever. And don’t get me started on her clothing choice for the wedding.
I took it all with a grain of salt, let it all go that day, but I still remember her trying to make one our happiest days together crappy. So all gloves are off now 🙂
Post # 7
you are def not alone.. I just posted this on a similar thread too 🙂
Well here is my story.. my FMIL hates me because I have a kid. She has disowned her son because he refuses to break up with me..she yells and screams and rants to FI about how he is throwing his life away with me..(never mind that I had a kid young, held a job since I was 15, managed to double major in biochemistry and nuc physics in college.. go to temple every other sunday… travel the world on my own dime..and chose to give up a career because my FI is in the military.. none of that matters) because I am just using him for his money! She has called me and texted on numerous occations telling me that I will never be part of her family and calling my daughter a bastard and saying I should have kept my legs closed. :-/ She is not (I am assuming) coming to our wedding and will not let FI’s dad or little brother come either. OH- and she stalks me. Looks for me on fb and found our wedding website somehow.. and found me on wedding bee! (this is a new alias.. until she finds this one too!).. She has threatened to slap me.. and ruined FI’s graduation because of her antics. eh-good thing I have tough skin!
Post # 8
@pinkb: Goodness! I don’t want to ask if things are better between you too, but do you finally have peace with your husband? The relationship between my future MIL is ruined right now, I have no intention to mend things with her, I just want her to leave me and my fiance alone. What’s sad is she’s the one who’s ruining the relationship by causing problems..for the sake of my FI’s happiness I want to have peace with her. Not shopping together and all that, I just want to be able to have dinner with them without drama!! I hope she doesn’t pull a stunt like yours at the wedding..I just wanted to be eloped and this has been my dream from day 1! I was willing to give up all that for my own sanity! Who wants to deal with this?! These women act like psycho ex girlfriends or wannabe gfs. Hate to break it to you mommy but you can’t have sex with your son!! ERRR…Let me just finish making that list of what this women has said to me..
FI’s Mother Inappropriate comments
1. Now (myname), (FI’s name) doesn’t need any distractions in school. It’s not all about you.
2. How do you know if your father cheated on your mom if you didn’t see him?
3. Until you say I do, I am the first love of his life and I come first.
4. He can’t even afford to buy you a ring without me. (that leverage his parents use-tell him they can pay off his loans so he doesn’t owe interest while he makes payments to them, checked his bank account then told him he didn’t need that money and to give it to him..KNOWING that we were wanting to get engaged)
5. Now that you’ve engaged, I think you don’t need to have sex until your married. &. I heard the best sermon today! The priest said don’t have sex until your married. (didn’t you have a child before you got married? if you forgot already..do the math)
6. I thought you would have gotten pregnant.
list goes on and on..she’s also done things like kick my mother and I out of their beach condo while yelling and calling her names after my FI had the idea for us to go down there with the parents to propose to me. She’s a *itch.
Post # 9
@MrsNeutrino: Oh yes. I’ve never been good enough for her son. And I think she’s making it even more known now that we’re engaged. Major props to you for all those accomplishments. I bought a house with my own money back in Oct and I’m 22, own my own car that I pay for myself, and all those other bills and I’m only a receptionist. My mom, sister and every else in my family had children young and before married and I would of had a 4 year old by now..not that that’s a problem at all because it most certainly could of happened to me. My FI on the other hand has a wonderful college degree thanks to his spoon feeding parents..he failed a year and they finially caught him smoking weed, which he had done for years, he doesn’t even pay rent to his parents that own the house he’s staying in (but he is “looking” for a place now) and I’m the one being judge? I may not have a degree, but I’d rather be independent as well as my future kids. I don’t care to be praised, but I certainly don’t want/need someone to tell me what I’m doing wrong in my life or judge me for being apart of someone elses.
Post # 10
@pinkb: Oh gosh, this all really happened? That scares the hell out me because I can just picture my FMIL doing all of those things at our wedding. She royally sucks.
@[email protected]: The best advice I can give to you is to let HIM handle her. I know it sounds awful, but I refuse to pick up if she calls me and only communicate with her when I absolutely have to. Otherwise he is the one who deals with her. This is because she constantly cornered me and lied to and about me in the past. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
Post # 11
Oh my I was dating my husband for 7 years before he proposed. His mother was great we went shopping together got along well in my eyes. IN 2008 when he proposed his immediate siblings and parents were a no show, mind you that I was unaware that my husband would propose (this was a wonderful surprise) my husband excused them stating that his dad worked and his mom had a church meet. In 2010 I found out that his parents did not want him to get married to me especially his mother. IN 2008 his family stopped talking to me no apparent reason to this day have they told me… She is the mother from hell now, tries to be assertive demanding when it comes to her son. Says “Bea you make my son do things he is not suppose to” she is crazy lunatic is verbally abusive towards me when her son is not around. When I am alone with her my heart pounds. I have respected her to this day my upbringing was that respect your elders but I have never hated an individual like her. She makes my heart beat for all the wrong reasons, makes me cring, however she is cruel woman.
I agree with [email protected]: I don’t talk with her or conversate with her. When she passes doesn’t say excuse me to me to other she does. I have more manners than her. Is possesive and egocentric. Takes conversations and mixes the meanings up to start arguments between family members.
I just found out recently through my husband that she has never like me to believe that I saw her as my mom all these 10 years. Now she is a stranger. A bad stranger that is.
Post # 12
I have no solutions. Mine is crazy. We got along until we got engaged, and then she just went ape shit.
I havent spoken to her in an easy 3 months.
Post # 13
Sometimes God puts obstacles in our life…
CALLED MoTHER IN LAWS
Post # 14
@[email protected]: Things are ok. I mostly just try and not talk to her when we are around her. My hubby doesn’t like me bringing up anything that happened at the wedding (he says that is just the way she is) so I try not to. I don’t like to bash her in front of him or to him cause I don’t want to put him in the middle and it is still his mom. I have to get better at this! I was doing good up until the last month or so. but we went to a cook out at their house last night and everthing was good. I didn’t say a word to her until we left, I said thank you and bye. 🙂
@brideatbeach: yes unfortunatly it all happened 🙁 And a few more things happened too. Honestly on our wedding day I pretty much instantly forgot right after most of it because I was worried about so many other things! But after we got back from our honeymoon my mom asked me a couple questions about stuff that happened that my sister had witnessed and told my mom about. She couldn’t believe it, nor did my sister while it was happening. My now SIL has asked MIL about some of it and she says she doesn’t remember doing most of it and didn’t see anything wrong with inviting people from the hotel…..and I know that would be cause she was wasted….but she claims to have only drank the ice tea.
Now her thing is she wants to know how much everything cost cause my parents paid for everything and she thinks they are rich. She didn’t even give us a congrats card! Her only son!! And she told us 2 weeks ago we are now to old to have kids cause my husband is now 32 going on 33, and that is when her father had her..??? whatever that means. And she made sure to tell me that if we have a little girl it is gonna be “hers”……(over my dead body!) I thought she said we were too old?
Post # 15
I don’t deal with her, at all. My MIL (FIL’s FI) is awesome, and I get along with her very well. Husband’s mother is an alcoholic, and I haven’t spoken to her in a year and a half. Hubs has only spoken to her once in that time, and doesn’t plan to anymore unless she wants help to get sober. Sometimes, you have to cut the cord and let them fend for themselves. Just because people are family does not mean you have to put up with their toxic behavior
Post # 16
I will say though, she has never said anything bad about me. It was actually because of me that she saw her son more the first few years we were together. But her drinking is out of control, and we can no longer watch her kill herself. Its really sad, because I’m sure I would get along with her really well