Mother in law help

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@chattychica18:  Wow that sucks. 4 months is pretty quick and I can see why his mother might be skeptical but the silent treatment is not the way she should be handling it.

Maybe your FI can stop by and talk to her? Perhaps she’ll be willing to spend more one on one time with you so she can get to know you better? That might ease her fears of your marriage.

Post # 5
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@chattychica18:  My mother and I were not very happy about my brother marrying his now-wife. We felt that she had taken advantage of my brother as well as my family’s generosity toward her (like she’d send him over demanding money because her cat needed surgery). We also caught her in a number of lies. I’m not saying that you did anything that was terrible, but was there any instance in which you may have offended or have been difficult toward his family? With that stuff being said, 4 months isn’t a very long time to have been with someone before deciding to marry him. Perhaps she’s worried that he’ll get taken advantage of or hurt. 

Post # 6
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Is there a reason you want to get married so soon? I’m not a fan of rushing into marriage anyway, so my comment is going to come with a bias. But in my opinion, if having the wedding now is going to strain a strong relationship, you have to decide what’s more important to you. 

 

I mean my relationship with my family is so-so at best, but FI’s mother has always been really great to them and us. I would have been fine with eloping, but I knew FI’s mother would be heartbroken and from the start I knew we couldn’t do that.

 

He has to decide what’s more important, getting married now or not hurting his mother.  

 

Post # 8
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If the relationship is strained, then it is what it is. Like I said, I’m not super close with my family so their opinions aren’t really factoring into our wedding planning much. My brother married his wife 9 years after they met, and my mom still complains about her, so sometimes you just can’t win. 

It’s up to your FI, but if he’s cool with it, he kinda has to take a “whatever” approach to his mom, and not try and involve her when she doesn’t initiate. 

Post # 9
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

4 months is super short, and I really don’t blame his mom.  Given the already taxed relationship, I’m not sure what you are hoping for.

Post # 10
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Are you pregnant? Why are you getting married so soon? 

You really do marry the entire family, so this isn’t going to go away any time soon. I would work on resolving this now.

Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee

@chattychica18:  i also think 4 months is not enough time to be sure of a wedding dress, much less the husband!  Good grief! How can you possibly know anyone after 4 months?  What is the hurry? What are you afraid of?  I am sorry to be so blunt but It will be a miracle if your marriage lasts a year.  Whatever your attraction is right now is not the stuff that keeps a marriage together over the long haul.  Do you really want to jump into this relationship and maybe get pregnant and then find out you made a mistake?  Do you know how expensive it is to pay for two apartments and a baby (hypothetical). 

I also find it strange that you were ready to commit to marriage after only 4 months, yet now you are having a protracted, long engagement with a big traditional wedding, etc.  Those two do not seem compatible. Usually a couple that has a whirlwind courtship and engagement, decide on a quicky wedding or JOP as well. 

You might want to do some soul searching here.

As for the fmil…. While the silent treatment is not productive, I cannot blame her for being very concerned and upset.

Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We are having an intimate ceremony bc his mom will refuse to attend and also not allow others to go. We’ve been together over 12.5 years and it’ll be 13 on wedding day. So I hope that your Emil comes around!

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