Mother in Law is crossing the line, should I still invite her?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

your HtB needs to sit his mother down and have a chat with her about boundaries.

Post # 4
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would discuss it with your FI more, you two need to decide together. She is definitely crossing a multitude of lines here! But some, not all can be explained my her mental illness. She does need to get help, and have boundaries put firmly in place. I would personally still invite her, but make sure your FFIL (or someone else willing) keeps an eye on her so she doesn’t cause drama.

ETA: you said that she comes into the house uninvited and looks in the windows. Lock your doors, if she has a key, take it away, close the curtains. Then tell her to leave if she is really bothering you. If she refuses to leave, call the police.

Post # 5
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ajillity81 Absolutely. This is a tough situation and this is probably the best thing for it. Hope it works!!

Post # 6
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What a lunatic!

Ugh that must be hard!

If I were in your situation I would talk to her, I would tell her “Een though me and FI are not married yet, we are currently room mates until we do get married which means *I* have more right to be here than you do.” I would ignore her phone calls, leave the blinds down so she can’t see inside and go about my day. When my FI got home I would sit him down and ask him to talk to his mother about boundaries and let her know if she can’t accept the boundaries you lay down she is not welcome in the home or to the wedding. I would also go over her attitude with the wedding and if she can’t compromise she would not be invited. But that way my FI would at least feel like he gave her a chance to go to the wedding and if she didn’t show respect she didn’t want to go to the wedding.

Whatever you do, best of luck!

Post # 7
209 posts
Helper bee

@bluepixie11:  I feel so sorry for you to have to deal with this. She sounds extremely controlling and crazy o.o 

What does your Htb’s father have to say about all this? Will he support you guys if you choose to not invite her?

And your HtB really should chat with her about boundaries. It might be better if you weren’t there, sicne she might go really off track. 

I hope everything works out Frown

Post # 8
7282 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Jacqui90:  Exactly.

If she is mentally ill rather than cutting her off get her some help. It disheartens me how many people in this world don’t want to properly deal with mentally ill family members but instead want to just abandon them.

if the treatment she is currently on isn’t working get her different treatment. It will be hard but if this is how your FI and his family treat thhis women you should pray that you are never in the same situation.

Post # 9
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Your FI needs to put his foot down and man up with his mother before it gets worse (especially after marriage when kids are involved, trust me, it will get worse when that happens).  Enough said.  

Post # 10
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

your htb needs to set the boundaries with his mother! He needs to let her know that it is your house too and that she needs to be respectful towards you!

Post # 11
2657 posts
Sugar bee

You absolutely need to start establishing boundaries with her, both physical and emotional.  Physically, change the locks and only allow her in the house when both of you are present.  Emotionally, your FI needs to sit down with her and tell her that her behavior towards you is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.  If things still aren’t improving, I think you need to talk with your FI about his comfort level having his mom at the wedding.  He should have the final say in whether she is invited, but it’s something that you should sit down and discuss together.

Post # 12
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


And oh ya, if she BREAKS into your house ever again…

Call the Police

Altho I am sure they’ll get a great kick out of you telling them she’s broke in, stolen your laundry, and holding it hostage…

(Best part of the crazy story)

Seriously, I am sorry you are going thru this (( HUGS ))

BUT this is your MIL, Mother of your Hubby-2B so it is something he needs to handle not you

(in so much as a heart-to-heart, Boundary talk)

Change the locks, get a security system (entry code needed), and IF she comes over to your house, then all bets are off…

You my dear, can do or say as you wish to her… once she’s on YOUR turf

As for the Wedding

Ya I wouldn’t want her there…

BUT then again she sounds like the type who won’t take NO FOR AN ANSWER…

She would find a way to make a scene none the less (party crasher)

Your best bet may just be to Elope

That certainly would be my plan

Elope… and put lots of distance between you all…

ESTRANGED is sounding more and more like a good word to me

😉 *wink*


Post # 13
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@bluepixie11:  I’d have your HtB handle her, but there are things you can do:




–  Change the locks


– Do not answer her phone calls.  Let her blow up the phone, who the heck cares?


–  Reply “I’m sorry you feel that way” and change the subject when she attacks something you’ve done.


–  Smile and nod and do not even be the slightest bit combative.




She sounds like she is mentally ill.  It is in my humble opinion to treat her as you would an annoying child… just be sweet and then ignore her as much as possible.  If she is, in fact, mentally ill, any form of confrontation can cause a major blow out, as it sounds like you witnessed.  I know it’s hard, but keep reminding yourself that she *is* ill.  Set boundaries with her.  If she comes to the house unannounced, do not open the door.  

ETA: For the wedding, is there a close family member who could be with her to supervise her? I don’t mean to treat her like a child, but often times, individuals who are mentally ill lack the ability to understand how to act appropriately and perhaps if someone close to her agreed to be her escort of sorts, that would help her navigate the weddng without any major upset?  Also, they could take her outdoors or to a private space if she got overwhelmed.

Post # 14
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@j_jaye:  +1000 but I could be extra sensitive as I have bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression.

Post # 15
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Whoa, your FI’s mother is a monster-in-law,  isn’t she? Sit down with your FI and have a sincere talk with him. If neither of you want her at your wedding, I see no reason why she should be invited. Yes, she’s his mother but she’s done just about everything in her power to get herself uninvited from your wedding and your lives. Maybe she should also see a doctor? What you’ve described sounds like the action of a seriously disturbed person who needs medical help, and quickly! 

Post # 16
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Oh dear, she sounds like a nutcase! Look I don’t really know what to tell you. I am only now (after four years) comfortable with my relationship with my FMIL. She lives in another country, which helps.

I’ll tell you how I handled her: I was direct and honest. I told her she is petty and manipulative and I want nothing to do with her until she is willing to act more maturely and responsibly. With nothing, I insited she does not contact me or my family, she does not phone, email or anything else. I blocked her on FB and lived my life.

I wouldn’t say that we have a healthy relationship – she is passive aggressive – but things have greatly improved.

Loads of bees will say, your FI needs to stand up for you. I find it best to stand up for yourself. In this case, I don’t think your FI will resent you.


In fact if I was in your position (please consider the fact that I am a bit of a bitch) I would download all the information on stalking and OCD I could find and give it to her in a bound pack ‘for her health’.


Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors