- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
I really need some third party advice. Let me start by saying my future in-laws are Italian background and with that they want the giant rehearsal dinner, the giant wedding and the giant next morning breakfast. All of which make me very uncomfortable.
I understand that usually all out of town guest are invited to the rehearsal dinner, however literally 90% of our guests are from out of town. We’re military and our families live 12 hours apart. There-fore we are only having the birdal party (spouses/dates) siblings and our parents at the rehearsal dinner. That alone is 30 people. My mother in law and I have already discussed this multiple times and my FH and I have also discussed this multiple times. FH and I already agreed on the 30 people but my mother in law is now texting my FH saying how awful the idea of not inviting EVERYONE from out of town. My FH feels he can not just straight out say no to his mother. So he is caught between his mother and me.
My mother in law continues to push the point that I am not only marrying FH but also his family. I feel this is not the case. I fell in love with FH not with his family.
We have compromised on multiple things throughout our engagement wedding planning process. I have always wanted a small intimate wedding, obviously FH wants the huge Italian wedding. My future in-laws (the moment we were engaged) offered to throw a stag and doe (which apparently for them is 5 course formal occasion). Instead of the stag and doe FH and I asked if they would throw a second reception so that they could have the giant reception and I could have a small-ish (200) wedding and reception.
Back to the giant after wedding breakfast FH and I have discussed this and we both agreed that since most of our guests need to fly home it wouldn’t make sense. FH and I will also need to fly home and be ready to work monday morning so I do not want to leave late in the day and I have no intention of getting up early after my wedding night. I have explained this to my future mother in law and she agrees and then goes behind my back to my FH.
I guess to sum it up how do I not put FH in a position that he has to chose between me and his mother? Without giving up on things that I want for our wedding. I feel i have already given up so much of what I wanted for our wedding. The small recpetion was supposed ot be 100 people or less and the in laws kept pushing and now the guest list is 200. I wanted an inexpensive wedding and now we have a 5 course meal and a cocktail hour. FH and I are very lucky and our parents are paying for everything but it is not the point. I just really did not want a huge wedding and I am feeling overwhlemed.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.