posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Daizy914:  Wow!!  Sounds like FMIL feels like it’s her territory to take care of her son on his Bday.


Post # 4
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Daizy914:  This is a tough one because we have the people who were born to save and the people who were born to splurge and the people in the middle who sometimes splurge and sometimes save. Depending on which one you are you have different ideas about money, how it should be spent, when it should be saved etc.

I have a brother who is always crying poor. He earns 80k+ a year, lives at home with my mum and dad, pays no rent, doesn’t pay for food or healthcare. He buys what he wants when he wants it…he is far from poor.

So if you or your partner are crying poor to the inlaws this will create issues and comments like the one she gave you so check with your partner to see what kind of things he is talking about with her. What might be happening is that he may be going on about money woes and so unintentionally creating this situation.

Otherwise she might just be comparing your life to her life and thinking she is helping you. Many inlaws think they are helping when they try to discourage you from spending money. In their book it is almost like they are protecting you…….strange I know but it often seems to be the case! Especially if they know they don’t have the money to help it can be their way of making sure you have enough when you have a family because they wish they could but know they can’t help you out down the line.

Post # 7
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Daizy914:  Unless you guys are taking handouts left right and centre (which I get the impression you are not) then she has no place commenting, whatever her feelings may be. You guys are well and truly old enough to make your own financial decisions (particularly ones as small as throwing a birthday party!)

I don’t know your situation but unless you have a history of being particularly irresponsible with your money, she needs to back off. You can look after yourselves! The only time I feel parent/in-law intervention is warrented is if you were accepting large sums of money from them and splurging it on frivolous things.

Maybe just politely but firmly reassure her that you know what you’re doing and while her concerns are appreciated, they are not necessary.


Post # 9
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Daizy914:  Good plan! you have every right to organise YOUR husbands birthday party and to do it exactly how you like!

And definitely don’t concern yourselves with if or why she feels you may be ‘wasting’ your money, it’s your money and you don’t need her permission to spend it, you can do whatever you want with it!

One thing i’ve learnt even since being engaged is that people have VERY different ways of thinking/acting/running their lives and you need to focus on whats best for you and your partner – my future in-laws are SO lovely but they do things very differently than me and my family and it’s taking some getting used to.. but like my mum said, i’m marrying my fiance, not his family, so we need to do what makes us happy (and you should too 😉 )

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