(Closed) Mother-in-law living with us : /

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s perfectly fine to want your privacy back.

It’s not fine at all to look at how other people spend their money and criticize.

Find a way to make things work without taking assistance from anyone, Ask Future Mother-In-Law to move out, and stop worrying about who makes how much per year or how much they spend on clothes.

Post # 4
131 posts
Blushing bee

I think it is reasonable that you want your own house back. I think you and your Fiance should talk to her and maybe give her a timeline to find a new house, maybe with the excuse that with your upcoming wedding ?

Yes spending that large amount of money may seem wrong to you esp since you have a lot of expenses but it is her earned money for all she could care she can make a bonfire out of them ! 

Post # 5
12878 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s reasonable to want your privacy and for her to follow through with the agreement you made.  However, your judgmental attitude of her money is ridiculous. If she indeed does make $100k a year, then she clearly can afford to spend $500 a month on clothes and accessories.  Also, she doesn’t have to pay for his schooling.  She was responsible for him up until he was 18, and now, financially, she has no obligation to him. 

For the record, my parents also make over 100k, and they didn’t pay for my textbooks, food, or spending money in college.  They taught me how to act like an adult and not depend on other people.  Between this post and some of your others, it sounds like you have a LOT of issues with your inlaws about money.  My advice to you is to keep you nose out of other people’s financials, and let it go.  How your Future Mother-In-Law spends her money is her business.  It sucks that she didn’t help out with the school costs, but, she was under no obligation to do so and resenting her for it is just uncalled for.

Post # 7
12878 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrs.mrod1026:  Did he ever bring this up to his parents?  It sounds like they need family counseling, to at least be civil to each other.

Post # 8
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Maybe I see things differently, because in the Indian community, the parents are responsible for the kids right up until they’ve finished their education and are able to fend for themselves, and even if they are in some sort of financial crisis, they will step right in. So I can see why OP has an issue with her not helping her Fiance out with his schooling, and especially the MIL’s reasons for doing so (not to ‘teach him how to be independent’, but instead to get back at her ex, which is honestly a crap reason to do so in my eyes). 

I also understand your want for privacy and space. I guess a serious sort of sit down is required to talk things out. 

Post # 10
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@OrchidsandCandles:  I didn’t grow up in an Indian community, but my parents both had their schooling taken care of by there parents, etc, etc and it is “the way things are”. I know I will be expected to take care of my kids schooling as an adult and my parents have already suggested opening an account for that– these kids are yet to exist!

I do think, at the same time, as selfish as it seems, your Mother-In-Law has the right to do what she wants with her money. Do I agree with her choices? Not really, but maybe she has a reason.

I think it’s time you all sat down as a family/roommates/etc and said, “We are so happy that Fiance has finally got a job. We appreciate how you supported us through these harder times, but since we no longer need the extra income and we are getting married soon, we’d love to try to start our married life with just the two of us here.” and then prepare to fight for a timeline (i.e. “I will move out before September 15th, whether it be to a temporary rental or a house I buy”)

Post # 11
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Dreams Palm Beach, Punta Cana, DR

All I can say is WOW..I really hope she left by now! Totally unfair to both of you guys! 

Post # 12
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mrs.mrod1026:  OP, reeeally not trying to be snarky, but your first mistake was building/buying a house you can’t afford. Why does a young, student couple need 4 bedrooms? I agree with you about the college thing. I believe if you have the money you should help your kids out. But it is certainly not your MIL’s responsibility to send you a check every month for your mortgage. It sounds like you never voiced your opinion. You said:
“But nothing I could do except for smile and say “welcome roomie!””

You could have told her she can’t move in and gotten a second job. Sorry, but you’ve made your bed and now you have to lie in it.

Get a second job and then set up an exit strategy (she has to be out in 8 months, etc.)

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