Post # 1
Ok, So My husband and I got married in December. My MIL and my husband are really close, his father was kind of a jerk and its really only been him and his mom most of his life. And she is a young Mom. So I understand why they are close.
But, she acts like she owns him. He can never do anything wrong. For example. His birthday is coming up, I was planning on taking him to the beach for a “US” trip because he has been working a lot and we need some “US” time to reconnect. It was going to be a surprise. But she starts asking him what he wants to do for his birthday, “do you want to go to the beach? BBQ? “We should do this for your birthday.” With her it’s always us (meaning him and her). Even when we play games, they have to be partners according to her.
Sometimes I feel like there needs to be the your his Mom factor.
Don’t get me wrong I like her, but its annoying. How do I deal with this?
Post # 3
There isn’t a poll attached
But I can imagine how frustrating this situation is for you. Have you discussed this calmly with your husband? He needs to understand it’s not just him & his mom anymore, he is a married man and his wife’s needs should be important to him. Maybe once he understands this he can talk to his mom about backing off a bit. Not from being a parent but just from butting in to your married life. You guys need “you” time together sans FMIL. Also it’s just creepy that she insists they have to be partners while playing games, it would honestly piss me b/c you bond during that type of stuff.
Post # 4
Have you just called or emailed her and said that you are taking him to the beach for some married couple time alone? Maybe that would get her to back off a bit if she knows you already made plans for just the two of you.
Post # 5
I didnt mean to attach a Poll, my bad.
He think im being crazy. He tells me that they are just close, They went through a lot together. Plus I feel bad saying anything becasue my mother passed away 1 1/2 years ago. So I feel like I cant take that away from him. You know?
I dont think she means to, but I also dont think she is ready to let him go.
Post # 6
I was going to email her today to let her know, but I had to tell him because he was starting to plan something.
Post # 7
🙁 I think it’s really important you talk to your DH about this! It’s going to ultimately be up to him to draw boundaries with her and it will be more effective for her to hear it coming from him — plus nothing you try to do with her will help at ALL until he is on your ‘side’ or understands your perspective.
Post # 8
I agree with daydream.
I don’t see this situation as being too far gone, especially since you say you otherwise like your MIL.
I would say, with regard to the birthday, perhaps allow for a family event. So in other words, you don’t get the beach and hubby to yourself. But neither does MIL. 1. It sounds like your husband and MIL are close, so he probably wnats her there. 2. (Coming from a mom perspective) his birthday is really special to her. Perhaps in a way, more so than to him. She was there! -She remembers it better:)
And by all means get your alone time. But it’s a touchy issue. You understandably, are feeling a little like a third wheel. But you also don’t want to start looking like the “bad guy”.
Does she have daughters? Perhaps you can spend a little alone time with her. Then maybe she’ll feel more balanced, and won’t rely on DH so much? But anyway, I would try to just talk to DH about feeling excluded.
Post # 9
In our marriage councelling our pastor was asking us how are parents were handling the upcoming wedding… He explained that some parents have a hard time letting go and adjusting. Because when we are married the priority of people shifts… not that parents are any less important or loved but parents become second to your spouse after marriage. I think it is important that you talk to your FI about that. It will only continue to cause discomfort for you. And you are to be priority now.
When you are married you both leave your parents and become one.
Easier said than done… I know.
Hope that helps… 🙂