Post # 1
So I found out today that my mother in law is not coming to my bridal shower as she has a book club meeting that day. She didn’t RSVP so I asked my fiance to ask if her she was coming and when he spoke to her he relayed this information to me. He says not to take it personally because she approaches these things from another perspective. He said that he thinks she doesn’t want to “intrude” which is why she’s not coming. I can accept this because she’s not very “motherly”. I guess she’s just not into weddings or dresses or stuff like that. I get it. However, I thought it would be a nice thing for her to come so we could get to know each other better. (We have a good relationship but it always involves my fiance). It just seems really weird that she doesn’t know that that she can come. I figure most people invite their mother in laws to showers right? Aren’t mother in laws kind of expected to come? Is it possible she really does not know this? Am I being unreasonable? Because I’m really offended and I feel if she really wanted to come she would. Am I wrong in my thinking that most mother in laws know they are expected to attend their future daughter in laws showers?
Post # 3
Hmm. Seems a little weird to me, yeah. Do you feel comfortable enough in your relationship with her to ask her directly? Maybe you could say something like, “It would be so nice if you could come, I’ve really been looking forward to this opportunity to get to know you better.”
Post # 4
Yeah MILs are definitely supposed to be there! Maybe she doesn’t feel included right now and wanted to be? What if one of your bridesmaids reached out to her to ask her to help out in some way, that way she would feel like she is a part of everything? Or I would do as @Bubu82 suggested and just ask her directly and let her know you want her to be there
Post # 5
That’s a little odd, but it doesn’t sound like a personal affront. I agree with having Fiance or a bridesmaid reach out. I had two showers, one in DH’s hometown, thrown by his mother and sister (also a BM), and one thrown by my best friend/BM in my hometown. My mother came to both, but DH’s mother didn’t even think of coming to the one in my town, just because it didn’t occur to her. She’s very practical and kind of a wedding newbie, and I think it just didn’t even occur to her that as the parents of the groom they could/should attend both showers (the one in my hometown was a couples shower). I do think if it’s bugging you that she won’t be there, you should say something.
Post # 6
I can understand her not wanting to come to the shower or being uncomfortable about coming. You are most likely going to be getting a whole lot of lingerie and she might be comfortable seeing you open up a tiny teeny nightgowns and knowing you will be wearing them for her son. Maybe you could suggest a lunch with just the two of you or the women in her family.
Post # 7
She shouldn’t think that she should not be there. The last bridal shower I was at was depressing-ly large. There were probabaly 100 women there. I don’t that most people consider them to be ‘intimate’ events. Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law thinks that they are.
Post # 8
This is a little odd. Mothers and Mother in laws are absolutely supposed to be at the showers. If your offended I would just let her know that its important to you that she is there. I can see why you would be offended!!
@loves day:I have never been to a bridal shower where the bride recieved a lot of lingerie. That is mostly if your friends do something, or the bach party. Bridal showers are traditionally to set up the new couple in their house with the house things that they need like dishes, kitches appliances, curtans etc.
Post # 9
maybe your Mother-In-Law is all of those above mentioned things and feeling all of the above mentioned or maybe shes just a bitch, like mine. Either way… at least now you don’t have to blush as much opening up sexy gifts!
Post # 10
I have heard of situations like this. It’s her loss that she is missing out on these events 🙁
Post # 11
I know I don’t know her but I wonder if she’s trying to get pity and attention like “pleeeease come to my shower, I would love it if you came!! PLEASE??”
You shouldn’t have to beg her, she was invited so how is she confused about whether or not she’s invited? You shouldn’t have to give her her very own super special personal invitation. She’s been asked to participate and out of respect for her son and for you, she should just do it. She’s not into weddings, ok… but she’s into her family right? Well this is a family event.
I understand missing it for a legit reason, but this just sounds like she’s just being a brat about it, sorry I know she’s your Future Mother-In-Law… but I would be offended. (My Future Mother-In-Law is like this as well, doesn’t care at all about any of it, and for some reason she can’t just smile and pretend she’s having fun like I would do for her?)
Post # 12
It totally sucks that she dosent want to be there but you cant force her. sadly its her dicision to make. as much as it sucks unless you confront her about it and be frank about your feelings she may never know and or care that she is hurting your feelings by not attending…
Post # 13
Yes, it’s possible she really doesn’t know that she would be invited to the shower, or that you were looking forward to spending more time with her at that event. Some people really just don’t think about these things.
I guess I’m just saying, I would first try to chalk this one up to being uninformed about weddings, not some other nefarious reason.
Post # 14
Personally- I agree with @loves day – she is probably uncomfortable with the idea of buying you or looking at lingerie. She probably doesn’t mean to be rude. I think it is a great idea to do another ‘get to know each other’ activity with Future Mother-In-Law. My Future Mother-In-Law and I are going to took at accessories for the wedding and then go to lunch together as one example.