(Closed) Mother in law not coming to my shower!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m a little confused- she’s going to host TWO showers- a bridal and a groom shower, that FI won’t attend. Has he told her that?

If there’s so much drama over the shower, maybe someone else should host it.

Post # 5
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would do your bridal shower as you planned – she isn’t hosting it, so she doesn’t need to invite everyone she’s ever met. If you and FI are against a groom shower too (which I also think is ridiculous) just tell her neither of you will go, and that you have the shower handled yourself. If she doesn’t want to come, it sounds like that’ll just mean less drama and an easier shower.

Post # 7
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Gotcha. Shouldn’t the hostess have the say over how many people are at the party? My MOHs (two) hosted my shower- they asked how many I wanted to invite, I gave them a number, which everyone was okay with. 

Pull the etiquette card if you have to- Emily Post says- “Showers are intimate gatherings for people you know very well—not excuses to haul in more gifts.”

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/154-bridal-shower-dos-and-donts

I agree with xxbyamomentx – keep the shower as planned. If she refuses to attend, that’s one less person your sister has to pay for, possibly 6 if her friends don’t attend. She’ll look like an idiot if she hosts an event that neither you nor FI attend (two points to FI for supporting his bride to be). Don’t give into her bullying!

Post # 8
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Stop talking to them.  Your fiance needs to step in and deal with his parents.

It isn’t his mother’s place to dictate your shower guestlist, and it’s certainly not his father’s place to approach you and ask you to appease his wife.  That’s completely ridiculous.

Tell your fiance that his parents are out-of-line and causing you a great deal of stress. He needs to have a serious sit-down with them about boundries. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

SoonToBeMrsMoose:  We choose to have an engagement party instead of a bridal shower. I don’t really like being the center of attention so this lessens the blow by having my fiance there. 🙂

My MIL is not coming to the engagement party because her ex’s (my father in law) new wife will be there. My MIL and FIL divorced years ago (like 20). She needs to move past it. This wedding isn’t about her. She should be there. I don’t know what to do. My finance needs to talk to her, but he has been putting it off.

Post # 9
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

She is being silly, but sometimes ppl do have 2 showers.  What if your sister’s shower is one and your FMIL does a couple’s shower that you both attend?  Even though she’s acting a bit ridiculous, sounds like she just wants even more ppl together celebrating you.  Maybe in their circles, it’s more common to have more ppl at showers?  If so, then her hosting a couple’s shower for the 2 of you seems like a happy medium.  Your sister throws the shower she wants to and your FMIL throws the shower she wants to- in the end, it’s just more ppl showering you with love?  If you can put that spin on it, I might go with it, but only if both of you (or at least you) attend the FMIL’s shower.

Post # 10
Member
4065 posts
Honey bee

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, on that one. If I know my mother in law is going to be someplace, I avoid it. And she’s welcome to give whatever party she wants; if you don’t show up, there’s nothing she can do about it. (And this is coming from someone who after 30 years of marriage wrote my narcissistic mother in law out of my life; the last 6 years have been bliss!)

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