- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I feel like my husband and I don’t get the same treatment as my sister in law and her boyfriend. Any other bees feel this way? I know this sounds bad, but I would expect that our marriage would mean more than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
For some background, I am a newlywed who just got married in June to my Darling Husband. My Mother-In-Law lives about 2 1/2 hours away and my sister in law lives 15 minutes away from her. My DH’s father died when he was only 13, so he grew up with just his mom and sister.
His mom recently called my husband to tell him how upset she is that he and his sister are drifting. His sister is in college and since starting, she has joined a sorority, brags to him and his mom about her amount of partying, and recently decided not to go to graduate school. She is also dating a person who is older than both me and my husband, but has no job and lives with his mother (winner, right?). Because of all this, my husband admitted he has been talking to his sister less because he doesn’t agree with alot of the decisions she has been making and he’d rather not fight with her. She has sent him shitty texts about decisions him and I have made, but his mother has not told her that she is upset that the two seem to be drifiting.
Recently, my husbands grandfather passed away and left my husband and his sister a decent amount of money. His mother said she would hold on to it and give it to them when she felt she was ready. Neither my husband and I believe she has any right to tell us what to do with the money because we are adults, but we have not pushed the issue because we plan to use the money as a down payment on a home and we are not yet ready to purchase a home.
I very much feel that my husband’s sister, who is younger, is the golden child and he gets the shaft of the relationship. His sister played volleyball in college and his mom never missed a weekend tournament, even in other states. When my husband and I moved to a new place, neither his mom or sister visted for the first 4 months. We went to one of his sister’s tournaments as well as went to his mom’s house.
His sister is very physical with her boyfriend it makes us both very uncomfortable at family events. She will sit on his lap, kiss him, play with his hair, and poke him and whisper. The level of PDA is disgusting, but neither my husband or Mother-In-Law have said anything to her. My Mother-In-Law will call us and tell us things about her life and her boyfriend’s life and will fail to ask my husband how I am. It is upsetting to both of us when she seems to care more about this boyfriend’s life than mine. I am a full time graduate student and I work part time and my husband works full time and she constantly defends the boyfriend saying that he is just having a hard time finding a job. He has been unemployed for 8 months.
My husband has told me that when he told his mom and sister that he was going to propose to me, his sister said it was going to be weird but fun to have another girl in the family and his mom asked him a lot of questions about how we were going to work out a religion. At our wedding, his mom said that should couldn’t wait to plan her daughters. I completely understand this, but his sister never congratulated my husband at all. My SIL was also one of my bridesmaids, and spent very little time in the hotel room getting ready with everyone else and spent the morning in the hotel room with her boyfriend.
When we were engaged, we were not allowed to sleep in the same bed. His mom knows that my sister in laws boyfriend stays the night with her and when she told us about this, she laughed it off. She has mentioned that they went and apartment hunted together and is excited about their future.
I feel like this should be the happiest time of my life and I love my husband so incredibly much. His mother is always welcoming to my husband and I but I am sick of my husband feeling second best. He has been the man of the house since he was 13 and I think this is a factor to why his sister/MIL may not like me.