Post # 1
Hi ladies omg i am so mad right now. I told my soon to be mother in law that i didnt want to register anywhere because well my soon to be hubby and i have alot of stuff that we need we have already. We cant really figure out what we want and want to wait until after the wedding to get some stuff. Anyways i found my soon to be mother in law registered us and come to find out she picked out stuff we dont want or need for crying out loud!!!! She told me she didnt want me knowing that i am registered! I TOLD HER NOT 2 AND SHE DIDNT LISTEN ANYWAYS!!!! My fiance doesnt want to make trouble with her but she really crossed the line. .We called where we are registered at and they told us that we cant cancel the account because we dont have the password or email address. I cant even log in to cancel the stuff or pick stuff because she wont give us the information!! I am so over the top mad right now. I dont know if she thikns this is her wedding or what but she is trying to control us in other ways for the wedding. I am seeing her today and i dont know how i am going to be able to put on a happy face. How would you ladies feel if someone did this to you???
Post # 3
WOW!! I would tell her that what she did was in poor taste, and that she never should have gone behind your back like that! Demand that she take the registry down, and if she won’t I’m sure you can call the store manager or customer service to have them disable it for you. My FMIL is weird, but she would never do something like that. I do think you should allow guests to get something though, maybe you could set up a couple charities that you and your FI care about and have them donate to them in leiu of a gift
Post # 4
HOLY SH*T. That’s ridiculous. I can’t believe customer service isn’t helping you! I’d call BACK and ask to speak with a manager. And explain the situation. Bring your ID’s into the store.
Honestly, when I went back to the store to work on my registry, all I had to do was give them my name. Maybe you can go TO the store, tell them you want to cancel the membership, and then they’ll just delete it once you show them your password? Granted, she’ll just do it again.
You can ALWAYS return all the crap you get for store credit. Was it at least a good store?
She really crossed the line. that is incredibly invasive. Your FI may not want to make waves, but this is absurd. Absolutely absurd. It’s not her place to create YOUR registry. How the F does she know waht you need, right?
IF she insists you MUST have a registry, can you create a small one, with maybe a handful of items or something so that she’ll delete the one she made? I mean, if you’re going to have a registry, it may as well be what YOU want, not what she thinks you may or may not need.
I really really think your FI needs to tell her to stop. This is ridiculous behavior. Better to nip it in the bud now. Next thing you know, she’ll be picking out your wedding dress for you. As far as the "doesn’t want to make trouble with her" line…well, he’s making trouble with you by putting her ridiculous actions above your rational behavior. I don’t take a back seat to no one, especially a crazy lady with no grounds to do what she did. Your spouse has to come first man.
Post # 5
Wow she definitely overstepped her boundaries there and that is awful that she was able to create an account in your name but now you can’t even cancel it. I think the first thing you should consider is how important it is to bring this up, sort of like picking and choosing your battles. Does FI want to avoid confrontation with her because she’ll get upset and irrational? If you think you guys can reason with her then I think you and your FI (if not your FI alone) should have a talk with her and explain again why you didn’t want a registry and ask her to cancel it for you. I would definitely be annoyed as you are but sometimes certain issues are not worth bringing up if nothing will come of it. I know I’ve definitely had to pick and choose some battles and prioritize what was most important to me in the planning process. Best of luck to you!!
Post # 6
Wow! Time to establish boundaries with her!
I definitely second calling the store and explaining. I’m sure that they’ve dealt with MILs before if they’re in the bridal registry biz.
Post # 7
That is crazy! That’s something I’d definitely have my husband confront his mother about. If, however, you feel that this is not a battle worth picking, then I’d let your family and friends know to not to get you anything from that registry and make sure the store has a refund policy for gifts. If anything, at least you have a whole bunch of stuff you know she likes, so perhaps you can just gift it to her over the years!
Post # 8
I would love to know what store allowed her to make a registry in someone else’s name (not online I presume?). That’s just insane.
Seriously, you need to point blank talk to her. It’s not appropriate.
Post # 9
Ican’t believethe store allowed her to do that, and refuses to help, Iwould be more persistent. I’d also to threaten to show up with a truckload of the stuff people bought and make a stink until the ygave me a full refund, because none of it is something you want.
Also, I would not be talking to her. I agree with having your FI talk to her.
If all else fails, maybe you, or some people like your BMs and your mom, can help warn people that the registry is not legit. If you are having a shower, hopefully she isn’t the one hosting, and those who do, won’t put that info on the invitations.
Post # 10
That is NUTS. I would be mad too. So now’s your time to shine.
Let it be – let all these people buy you the stuff and return it for the cash / credit. You could even donate the gifts from that (hijacked) registry to charity and be sure to mention that to MIL (casually, of course) You’ll win in the end and she won’t be able to do anything about it.
I’m sure that those closest to you will know that you don’t need the items on that list. Have you thought about a registry on amazon.com? Maybe if you do that MIL will give up the password.
Post # 11
I would definitely speak to your FMIL about this. In fact, I’d probably ask your fiance to talk to her. Even though what she did is a little crazy, I’d try to spin it like "we know you were trying to help, but we really don’t think we’re going to need x, y or z." or "we appreciate your help, but we’d feel more comfortable if we were able to select the items we need". Hey, I think what she did was totally out of line, but in her mind, she may be "helping" you. If you try to acknowlege that (even if you don’t truly think that), she might be more willing to work with you, instead of being so defensive.
I’m also surprised that the store wouldn’t let you access the account when you explained the situation. I’d try to go into the store in person (with your IDs) and explain what happened. I’d have to assume that any registry consultant would take pity on you and help you out.
I guess if all else fails, like Querida said, just keep the gift receipts and return the items!
Post # 12
Wow…this makes me so angry that I can barely respond! What is the reurn policy at the store she registered you at? Hopefully it is cash! BB&B registries act as a cash receipt!
Post # 13
Also, let the manager of the store know that all gifts will be returned…maybe that will help convince them to deactivate the registry.
Post # 14
I have a friend that had her FMIL do the exact same thing! They just asked her for the e-mail and password, got online deleted all the stuff and made their own account. I agree with the asking if she’ll take it down if you’ll make a small one of your own. They have them for just about everything anymore. Honeymoons, charities I am sure you could find something you’d like rather than something she controls. If it were me I’d be very upset.
Post # 15
This is ridiculous. It shouldn’t even be legal to create an account in someone else’s name….i mean, you can’t do that for other stuff, can you?
These FMIL’s are making me mad! And I don’t even know them =]
Post # 16
Wow… that is COMPLETELY rude. I would continue contacting the store, including corporate, and maybe even go in with ID. Don’t stop till you get it cancelled. That was really over the line. Good luck! (Mine’s crazy too and tried to fly to NJ from IN to crash a party my family was throwing for me. Nice.)