Mother inlaw ruined our wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

FutureMrsLandi:  Your grandfather saw her changing everything and didn’t say anything? That seems strange. It also seems strange that no one stopped her the second she started clearing away plates that were being used.. If someone were acting like this, I would expect their behavior to be halted immediately by whomever noticed.

You say your husband told his mother off, couldn’t he have just told her politely to stop when she started cleaning up? Would’ve saved the blow out, using the words ‘telling off’ implies your husband was rude and confrontational with her, which is never ok. Maybe his sister yelled at him because he told their mother off at a social event…. That she paid for.

I’m not saying this doesn’t suck but, in a room full of adults.. I see no reason why someone wouldn’t stop her from cleaning up stuff that was still in use. A simple ”No, I’m still eating/ drinking/whatever” from any of your guests would’ve sufficed.

Post # 4
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FutureMrsLandi:  smh…while I am sure you MIL thought she was being helpful…I feel like every person in the situation could have handled it better, including your DH and mom. I would remove yourself from the situation entirely and have your DH deal with his family. 

Emotions run high enough at weddings without all the drama. The only think you can do now is move on and try to focus on the positivies. When your pictures come back hopefully they will make you feel better. 

Post # 5
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Firstly, the only one allowing this to ruin your wedding day and your memories is you.  It sounds like major family drama, for sure, but you have the power to let it NOT ruin your wedding day, and I suggest you spend some time trying to get into a mindset where you’re not looking back on Your Day and crying. Life is too short for that.

Next, it definitely sounds like your MIL has some weird ideas about how she can be “helpful” but it also sounds like everyone involved took a bad situation and turned it worse.  Your MIL’s behavior is out of your control so you have to focus on those things you can control: your response to things that upset you. Talk to your new husband about how you will interact with your MIL since everyone is highly emotional. Avoid getting into situations where things are just going to be worse– such as being prepared to change the subject if bickering about the wedding comes up. Explain to your MIL and your SIL that it was never any of their business how much money your father was contributing to the wedding, that their comments and outbursts were hurtful, and that you will hear no more on the subject other than to accept any apology they want to make, and then stick to your word.

 

Post # 6
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

FutureMrsLandi:  Wow, that sounds like a fairy tale story with a horror ending. 

To be perfectly candid I would be fucking livid!! I don’t sugar coat things, I think your husband telling her off as you put it, was a good idea, maybe in private would have been a bit better, but still. If someone was walking around taking my food and glasses, it would make me feel like im being pushed to leave, like ok drinks done cya later! and when people were dancing? I understand that she brought all those glasses and paid for catering but fuck seriously I would lose it. 

Let your husband deal with his mom and sister. Personally I wouldn’t want to see them ever again either unless I got sincere apologies…and even still.

ur best bet i think you should try to only think of the positive things from your wedding,[pictures, kisses, love shared and staring into his eyess] forget all the bs that happened, and be happy that you are now with the man of your dreams.

 

Sorry about all that happened to you. 

Big hugs!*

Post # 8
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Usually these “my wedding was ruined!” stories are pretty lame, but what your MIL and SIL was so awful and selfish and mean and petty and childish.

Thing is, holding on to that anger and misery only hurts yourself and your DH.  It doesn’t touch your MIL.  The best revenge is truly living well- so please, do yourself a favour and move on and start a wonderful, happy, peaceful, drama-free life together.        

Post # 9
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FutureMrsLandi:  He confronted her but didn’t change anything back? I still don’t understand how people noticed it wasn’t set up the way it previously was and didn’t think to change it back for you. Maybe I have a skewed vision but, my parents were both on top of everyone and everything and if something wasn’t as planned, it was rectified without me knowing there was an issue.

Whatever her motives were for acting the way she did, everyone could’ve handled it better. There’s nothing that can be done now but to move on, you can’t control her behavior, you can only control your reaction to it. Don’t hold your breath for an apology, it seems to me that she saw nothing wrong with her behavior, so why would she say sorry?

Post # 11
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FutureMrsLandi:  that is terrible. I am so sorry your in laws behaved this way. I probably wouldn’t have much of a relationship with them anymore… not without an apology.

Post # 12
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

FutureMrsLandi:  T  Yes, you are most definitely due an apology or three, but you should figure out now how you are going to act if you never get your apology. Right now, if you were to end up at a family dinner with them, you’d probably all end up at each other’s throats.  Assume you are not going to get an apology (because people suck) and decide together with your husband how you plan to handle that.  Never speak to them again? Totally fine and acceptable choice but impractical.  Ignore them next time you see them? Probably just going to make things worse.  

Post # 13
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

I was livid reading this for you. I cat stand busy bodies and I feel your pain.

it would take me a VERY long time to want to see MIL or SIL again. 

I agree with a previous poster, focus on the good things! dress, flowers, love, seeing family ect…

Majority of weddings have some drama! Sorry I can’t offer more advice xx

Post # 14
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

FutureMrsLandi:  OP did you get anything back from them? perhaps a gift basket and them grovelling at your feet or….

let us know!!! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I feel so bad for you! But if you like superstition I heard the worse the wedding, the better the marriage 🙂

Just try to stay positive, and I wouldn’t talk to your mother in law or sister in law either until they at the very least apologize to your husband. Try not to dwell because it’s not good to make more family drama. It sounds like you have nothing to be embarrassed about, that it was your hubby’s family that should have something to be ashamed of.

Unfortunately your in laws will always be in your life so in that case wouldn’t it be better to be the bigger person?

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