(Closed) Mother Inlaws: how involved are they in planning your wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My mil wasn’t that involved with planning, but I did include her in some stuff. She went dress shopping with me and she came to see the venue after we already decided. I always told her our new ideas and things that we were planning/booking/buying. In the beginning of planning, I had a major budget freak out so she sat down with me and pulled out all of the info from her other son’s wedding so we could go through their budget to get a better idea of how things work, and she helped me figure out ways to cut down on money. She also threw us a RD and paid for alcohol.

But I love my MIL and have a great relationship with her. If I didn’t, I know she would be less involved, b/c there’s no need to add more opinions and stress. I knew I could ask her opinion on things b/c she was always excited for me and wouldn’t be offended if I did something different, she definitely understood that it was my husband and my wedding and we should do what I want. I think you’ll probably have less stress and drama if you keep her help to a minimum then if you allow her to help.

Post # 4
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

MY MIL wasn’t involved in much. Not that she wasn’t supportive or excited but she has had daughters and planned the weddings so she was kinda excited to be able to just show up. She did help with addresses and the rehearsal. 

Maybe your MIL feels like this is her chance to help plan a wedding- especially if her daughter is like you say she is. Maybe you can invite her over to help with some DIY projects. Order piza and wine or something. And have some BM over at the same time if you want. I know i don’t have the whole story but she might just feel left out. If she is not being mean or malicious  i don’t think it would hurt to try include her a bit. 

Post # 5
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My MIL wasn’t involved at all in the planning. She showed no interest and whenever I tried to include her she brushed me off. She then complained about our wedding to us after the actual event. They’re just hard to please. 

Post # 6
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So far she was just supportive. FI’s parents are out on the west coast so communication with them doesn’t happen that often.

Post # 7
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My future mil doesn’t seem to want to be involved with the planning.  I don’t see her often, but when I do- I will mention it and the response is “oh- that’s nice.”  It’s not fun talking to her about it because she seems so uninterested.  However, she has voiced her opinon about things to Future FIL who then relays to FI.  Drives me batty.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I honestly tried to include my MIL as much as possible, but it was hard b/c she is long distance and super busy working full time, running a charity and really involved in church life. So I never really expected anything, but I wanted her to at least feel like she was involved. For example we sent her pictures of the venue we picked out, I sent her the proof for the invitations to look over, I always sent her pix from dress shopping trips, fittings, etc.

Post # 9
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I keep asking mine… but she doesn’t want to be apart of it…it’s really weird…

Post # 10
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My FMIL keeps saying she wants to be involved…so I made a mini inspiration board for her so when people ask her about stuff, she feels like she knows a little bit of what’s going on.

FSIL is MOH in FI’s cousin’s wedding so they’ve been pretty tied up with that. She always asks FI for details about the wedding. She “approves” of our photographer…whatever that means lol

It’s been mostly myself, my mom and FI planning the details. My parents are being extraordinary generous and footing most of the bill so it’s important to me that they are happy (although they keep saying, do whatever you want).

Long story short…the FMIL’s involvement is TBD.

Post # 11
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My FI is Brazilian and his mom had 2 courthouse wedding in Brazil so she doesn’t really know what the customs are here or what’s supposed to be going on, so in that case I feel I’m kind of lucky that I don’t have someone pressuring me all over the place.  The other thing about FMIL is that she is quite possibly the sweetest person on the planet and I would love to involve her more, however, she lives in FL (I’m in DC) and she has an extremely busy work schedule as a physical therapist (she lives in FL, you can imagine the amount of PT work that needs to be done down there with all the elderly).  I will include her in as many things as I think are doable for her, but she really doesn’t know what she needs to do.  I figure I’ll just send her information as I get it and stuff that I get done.  I plan on incorporating some Brazilian customs so I will probably speak to her about that and I’m helping her with some of the rehearsal dinner stuff (they’ve offered to pay for that). 

Post # 12
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Mother in law said quote ” oh good all I have to do is show up then”  laughing.  It would be nice if she did somthing to partisapate but shes to stupid to get it. Her grandkids,, my kids  only see her 3 times a year and she lives 6 miles away.. weird family….

Post # 13
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I included my FMIL in some of the planning, but not much. Like I told her some of the stuff I planned and took her with my mom and me when I went to try on my dress for the second time just so she wouldn’t feel left out. But recently she has been getting on my nerves trying to control the guest list and my bridal shower. So I decided to take a step back and not include her in my future planning. Its ok for her to offer her opinion, but its not cool for her to force it down my throat.

Post # 14
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Pretty involved, actually. You see, when my older brother got married, my parents weren’t included in the wedding much. Though they were in laws, they really wanted to help out in some way, and it hurt them. So, when it was time for me to get married, one of my big priorities was that the in laws would be involved. That, and that side of the family is pretty talented. We got our favors (chocolates) flowers, calygraphy and photography done by professionals that happen to be related to us (score!) The inlaws were so involved, that it backfired and there are times I worry that I didn’t involve my actual parents enough, so I made a point to have certain things that were Just my mom and I…picking out the dress and fittings, making tea sandwhiches, wrapping gifts, doing the centerpieces…

Post # 15
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My mom and FMIL are not very involved in the wedding planning.  They both grew up in different cultures than I did  and I’m not sure if they realize what’s involved in wedding planning here.  Also, they’re both easy going people and they’ve never pressured us to do anything so I think they’ve taken on a more relaxed attitude “whatever they want to do for their wedding is fine with us”.

Post # 16
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My FMIL is extremely involved in the wedding planning and I love it (I love her too!!).  I haven’t gotten a lot of support or help from my own parents and my FMIL has stepped in and made a lot of phone calls for us, visited a lot of venues, and is actually going to be negotiating our venue rate for us (she is a master negotiator). 

I also plan on having her there when I go dress shopping.  If I decide to wear a veil, she has offered to make one for me.  She is going to ask her SIL to make her awesome chocolates as wedding favors.  She will help pick out the flowers and figure out a color scheme.  She has come up with ideas to decorate the ceremony space for little $$. 

I adore my FMIL and only wish my own mother were as excited and involved as she is.  🙁

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